wordsonscreen
Peanuts aren't nuts! They're seeds!
- Jan 21, 2021
- 728
Hi everyone,
I hope you are doing well. I want to tell you that I am grateful for you. This community is so unique and I am so lucky to have found some incredible people on here. Thank you for being welcoming, for accepting me, and for giving me a place to bring parts of me that will never really be accepted outside of this platform. Being here has extended my life by a few weeks. I joined around the 20th of January and had been lurking before that :p Being on here has made the last 20ish days tolerable. This has allowed me to prepare for my exit better and more gracefully.
Thank you.
I do not think I will write a goodbye thread because I think I need silence in my last days. This might change- I am having a hard time planning even a few hours in advance. I do not have a date yet. I will leave when it feels right. I am almost done with my letters and packing my house. I made an album with a 1000 pictures, made a playlist, compiled grief resources for people to process my suicide etc. I've made a lot of progress. Still need to take care of some finances. There is work to be done. And the closer I get, the quieter I become. So I do not know if I will be as eloquent as I am able to be right now on my last day. I do not know what that will feel like. The process of dying is new and I have no map for it. So, I want you to feel my gratitude and love now while I can still express it.
Now, this is not exactly a goodbye post. It is more of a gratitude post and an update on where I am in my process, while also sharing the possibility that I may not write a goodbye post. When I do leave, it will be with SN- no AE, just some benzos maybe and painkillers.
I wish things were different for all of us- that we never needed to even consider suicide. I wish the world grows to be kinder and more loving so people like us can live with less suffering. None of this is ideal but it is our unfortunate reality-- the more I accept it, I somehow just feel grateful for everything. It isn't all flowers on my end though- there is a ton of pain, anger, frustration, and devastation happening inside me. I am still suffering a lot and am hanging by a thread trying to finish my list so the people that are still alive are hurt a little less by my exit. I do not know what the future looks like for me, I am just trying to live through each minute and finish my list as fast as I can. I might still post here, I may not- I am uncertain. I'm not at my best but do feel free to message me if you want to talk.
I'm so tired. I wish none of us felt this way. But here we are.
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life, even if it is through a screen.
I wish for peace, comfort, and joy for all of you.
I hope you are doing well. I want to tell you that I am grateful for you. This community is so unique and I am so lucky to have found some incredible people on here. Thank you for being welcoming, for accepting me, and for giving me a place to bring parts of me that will never really be accepted outside of this platform. Being here has extended my life by a few weeks. I joined around the 20th of January and had been lurking before that :p Being on here has made the last 20ish days tolerable. This has allowed me to prepare for my exit better and more gracefully.
Thank you.
I do not think I will write a goodbye thread because I think I need silence in my last days. This might change- I am having a hard time planning even a few hours in advance. I do not have a date yet. I will leave when it feels right. I am almost done with my letters and packing my house. I made an album with a 1000 pictures, made a playlist, compiled grief resources for people to process my suicide etc. I've made a lot of progress. Still need to take care of some finances. There is work to be done. And the closer I get, the quieter I become. So I do not know if I will be as eloquent as I am able to be right now on my last day. I do not know what that will feel like. The process of dying is new and I have no map for it. So, I want you to feel my gratitude and love now while I can still express it.
Now, this is not exactly a goodbye post. It is more of a gratitude post and an update on where I am in my process, while also sharing the possibility that I may not write a goodbye post. When I do leave, it will be with SN- no AE, just some benzos maybe and painkillers.
I wish things were different for all of us- that we never needed to even consider suicide. I wish the world grows to be kinder and more loving so people like us can live with less suffering. None of this is ideal but it is our unfortunate reality-- the more I accept it, I somehow just feel grateful for everything. It isn't all flowers on my end though- there is a ton of pain, anger, frustration, and devastation happening inside me. I am still suffering a lot and am hanging by a thread trying to finish my list so the people that are still alive are hurt a little less by my exit. I do not know what the future looks like for me, I am just trying to live through each minute and finish my list as fast as I can. I might still post here, I may not- I am uncertain. I'm not at my best but do feel free to message me if you want to talk.
I'm so tired. I wish none of us felt this way. But here we are.
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life, even if it is through a screen.
I wish for peace, comfort, and joy for all of you.
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