Well my grandma died so now I’m going to have to go to a funeral. Prob not for another few weeks or months. But not only am I sad about it I’m super anxious about having to go to the funeral. Super anxious and it’s kind of like a big middle finger. Idk just so tired.
—hugs—
I’m sorry for your loss. & you know, I may understand your feelings of anxiety towards attending the funeral. Especially if you, yourself feel like CTB.
This year 2 people I knew passed & I was able to attend the first funeral (wake + funeral), but I felt horrible being there. There they were mourning a loss & I couldn’t help but think about how I would change places with them in a heartbeat. Shut down for weeks afterwards, I was grieving, yet also disgusted in myself for my thoughts.
When word of the second funeral came around, overwhelming anxiety prevented me from going. I was only able to offer my condolences from a distance.
I hope you have some support in your corner & I wish you well.