Thank you for all kind words, I thought it through. Now I see how unbearable is the pain if someone you love passes away. It's something I learnt from mother's death - I won't commit suicide anymore. Maybe you suffer but your death may bring similar or even larger pain to way more people. Now I see how selfish it is. How much suffering and pain it creates. It's horrible! Please keep in mind there might be people to which you really matter.
Besides I kinda lied to you and it needs to be corrected. My mother didn't die because of my hanging attempt - I was quite drunk and failed to hang myself. I went to sleep and then I woke up in the middle of night. I saw my mother with rigor mortis. She probably didn't even know I tried to kill myself. Immadiately fetched an ambulance but they didn't do much. I wrote such things because I was half drunk and lost control.
She had heart issues but she and I ... liked to drink together. Crazy? Yeah, definitely, drinking with your parents is a very uncommon thing. It was irresponsible to let her drink... but I thought I do well as she always enjoyed it. We never argued, we played cards often or watch Netflix... we spent together a lot of time, more it would be considered normal but ... she was so intelligent and caring I felt she was more like a very best friend, I mentally forgot she was my mother too. The alcohol caused her death.
Yesterday I had a very bad day and I acted really unkind... I intentionally broke a glass. I felt guilty afterwards but I thought I will apologise to her the next morning. Unfortunately I wasn't never able to do.
Hey Bro, your mom just passed away. We understand. Loosing a mother has to be the most cruel thing. Take some time off. You are grieving right now. May she rest in peace. She is in a better place now.
And i am more spiritually informed than most people. I know many won't understand me and take me as a troll but the truth of the matter is, God is real. The only thing is, he isn't a very nice being. Most spiritual people do not like him. But one could still pray to the angels as the God and angels aren't really connected. They won't care if you do or do not like God. Pray to Archangel Raphael for healing.
Light some candles as an offering to your mom or AA Raphael. (If you do this, say it out loud who this offering is for)
And tbh, after suicide we are kind of forced to take another reincarnation. You must die of natural causes for ultimate peace though reincarnation becomes a choice at that point.
Even I will commit suicide. Though my pain in this world is more agonising so I don't mind another reinarnation. These points are not just believes. These are facts. My spirituality has lead me to obtain this knowledge.
If you would like, you could pray to the hindu Gods as well, the popular ones are really nice unlike "the God". Lord Krishna, Shiva, Ganesha for example are loving and caring.
Though Archangel Raphael seems nice. I like to recommend him to christians since they don't believe in other beings of power other than christian beings. If you want some peace and clairity, read the hindu scripture Bhagavad Gita in english.
Just a spiritual note here since you mentioned you want to countinue to live, this could help you in your journey.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask me.
If this comment violates any rules, my apologies. I will delete it, just let me know.
