Venting Got talked out of my last attempt

[GoldenWingedShip]

For years I've held off ctb because I've been worried about the effect it would have on my parents. My mood problems have gotten worse and worse despite many different medications and therepy.

Last week I (drunkenly) climbed to the roof of a hotel to jump off. I'm over my parents by this point but one of my friends called me crying telling me not to jump. Says he loves me more than I know. Several other people said similar things. I basically rolled on the roof sobbing saying how sorry I was.

Nice view though



Now I'm sitting in the woods with a pistol and feel like telling someone how much I want to end it all. I don't think I'm ctb today, but the meaningless of existence is getting to me.

Sorry for the trouble

 

[whyidon'tknow]

If there is even a shred of you who thinks they can get better. PLEASE reconsider. There is a whole world out there to explore, so much to learn and experience. It sounds like you have several people who really care about you and could be your support.

Love and kindness

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Agreed with the guy above
Even if you have The smallest of inklings, don't do it. This world is a beautiful place
Sunset cliffs and Dunn's River falls jamaica in the photos below.
Oops. The second didn't attach

 

[LifeIsACurse]

It seems like you have people that you care about and they care about you too. You should try and talk to them, maybe things will get better for you.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're struggling this way. If you can't talk with your friends about these things you can talk with us here. (((Hugs)))

 

[GoldenWingedShip]

Thank you all for the support. I appreciate it.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Thank you all for the support. I appreciate it.

Of course hun
We're all here If you need it. We'll all support you either way

 

[21Neberg]

For years I've held off ctb because I've been worried about the effect it would have on my parents. My mood problems have gotten worse and worse despite many different medications and therepy.

Last week I (drunkenly) climbed to the roof of a hotel to jump off. I'm over my parents by this point but one of my friends called me crying telling me not to jump. Says he loves me more than I know. Several other people said similar things. I basically rolled on the roof sobbing saying how sorry I was.

Nice view though

View attachment 12738

Now I'm sitting in the woods with a pistol and feel like telling someone how much I want to end it all. I don't think I'm ctb today, but the meaningless of existence is getting to me.

Sorry for the trouble

It's no trouble, in fact it's good to vent. Stay strong, you've got friends that clearly care deeply about you!

 

[Alchemist]

If you want to live, just try to do it for yourself instead because of other. I've seen this happen a thousand times. They tell you how much they care about you and everything, but as soon as the crisis passes, they return back to not give a crap.

 

[Dartz]

I don't want to sound like some pro-life "YOU'LL GET BETTER, IT'S A TEMPORARY SOLUTION TO A PERMANENT PROBLEM" kinda cunt, but if you have any doubts, even if it's a tiny little voice, then you're better off not going through with it. On the flip side, that view is gorgeous and better than most views I've ever had as a resident building climber and connoisseur of high locations :) Mind if I ask where it was @GoldenWingedShip ?

 

[GoldenWingedShip]

I don't want to sound like some pro-life "YOU'LL GET BETTER, IT'S A TEMPORARY SOLUTION TO A PERMANENT PROBLEM" kinda cunt, but if you have any doubts, even if it's a tiny little voice, then you're better off not going through with it. On the flip side, that view is gorgeous and better than most views I've ever had as a resident building climber and connoisseur of high locations :) Mind if I ask where it was @GoldenWingedShip ?

South Florida

 

[GoldenWingedShip]

If you want to live, just try to do it for yourself instead because of other. I've seen this happen a thousand times. They tell you how much they care about you and everything, but as soon as the crisis passes, they return back to not give a crap.

Good advice on doing it for myself. It'll never work if I base my satisfaction on pleasing others.

 

[RM5998]

While the arguments forwarded by @Dartz, @DepressionsAHo and @whyidon'tknow come from an understandable empathetic standpoint, I believe that they are ultimately flawed. We make a lot of decisions in our lives where there is a risk, an opportunity cost, an uncertainty about whether it will turn out to be the wisest choice that could have been made. And even if those decisions do not turn out to be optimal, it does not become a good reason for an overbearing level of risk avoidance.

@GoldenWingedShip Your choice to die is ultimately one that will need to be made in a context like that - one where you do not know whether it will turn out to be the right one. But to me, life is not a sacred property that needs to be preserved above all else. The existence of a reason to live does not put an obligation on you to live - you need to decide for yourself whether those reasons are good enough to overcome the opportunity cost of death. These calculations are always going to be uncertain and fluctuating - nevertheless, they are where you exercise your agency. You do not need to make the objectively right choice - you need to choose what you think is right in the present moment, knowing the risk involved.

 

[cornflowerblue]

While the arguments forwarded by @Dartz, @DepressionsAHo and @whyidon'tknow come from an understandable empathetic standpoint, I believe that they are ultimately flawed. We make a lot of decisions in our lives where there is a risk, an opportunity cost, an uncertainty about whether it will turn out to be the wisest choice that could have been made. And even if those decisions do not turn out to be optimal, it does not become a good reason for an overbearing level of risk avoidance.

@GoldenWingedShip Your choice to die is ultimately one that will need to be made in a context like that - one where you do not know whether it will turn out to be the right one. But to me, life is not a sacred property that needs to be preserved above all else. The existence of a reason to live does not put an obligation on you to live - you need to decide for yourself whether those reasons are good enough to overcome the opportunity cost of death. These calculations are always going to be uncertain and fluctuating - nevertheless, they are where you exercise your agency. You do not need to make the objectively right choice - you need to choose what you think is right in the present moment, knowing the risk involved.

Yeah but if he's calling people ahead of time to give them a heads up, it sounds like part of him wants to be stopped. How could a friend call and say "don't jump" if OP didn't let them know the planned time, date, and method?

 

[RM5998]

Yeah but if he's calling people ahead of time to give them a heads up, it sounds like part of him wants to be stopped. How could a friend call and say "don't jump" if OP didn't let them know the planned time, date, and method?

The point I'm trying to make is that the 'tiny part of you wants to live' argument is like saying that you shouldn't get on a plane because it has a tiny chance to crash. It's an extremely skewed assessment of risk and opportunity cost. A person can have reasons to live and yet consider them insufficient to make life a positive experience. The argument seems to emphasize the need to establish suicide as a choice that can be justified to everyone in posterity - if you have no reason to live, then no one can say that you should have lived. To me, this restriction seems unnecessary.

I apologize if I sounded insensitive in either of my posts. I only wished to state my point of view, which seeks to treat suicide like any other life-altering decision.

 

[not_a_robot]

Good advice on doing it for myself. It'll never work if I base my satisfaction on pleasing others.

Wow. I've never seen anybody admit that. It's always "No, if I can't please everyone I deserve to die, die, DIIIE!!!"

What planet are you from?

 

[RM5998]

Wow. I've never seen anybody admit that. It's always "No, if I can't please everyone I deserve to die, die, DIIIE!!!"

What planet are you from?

'Want' and 'deserve' are somewhat separate, but yeah, that does happen a lot.

I'm guessing that a lot of people state the 'deserve' part as a way of making the decision comprehensible to a general audience. I've been guilty of that myself.

 

[not_a_robot]

'Want' and 'deserve' are somewhat separate, but yeah, that does happen a lot.

I'm guessing that a lot of people state the 'deserve' part as a way of making the decision comprehensible to a general audience. I
ve been guilty of that myself.

No you're right,it gets said many ways, I'm conflating them/paraphrasing/indulging a little hyperbole.
Usually it's just me trying to encourage ppl to stop trying to please everyone since it makes them miserable, and them doubling-down on their belief that a life in which they cannot live fot others is worthless.
Which I guess it is, for them. It just always amazes me how stubbornly they resist trying an alternate way of living when they're just planning to die anyway, but they know themselves better than I do, so all I can do is wish them luck in ctb.

 

[cornflowerblue]

The point I'm trying to make is that the 'tiny part of you wants to live' argument is like saying that you shouldn't get on a plane because it has a tiny chance to crash. It's an extremely skewed assessment of risk and opportunity cost. A person can have reasons to live and yet consider them insufficient to make life a positive experience. The argument seems to emphasize the need to establish suicide as a choice that can be justified to everyone in posterity - if you have no reason to live, then no one can say that you should have lived. To me, this restriction seems unnecessary.

I apologize if I sounded insensitive in either of my posts. I only wished to state my point of view, which seeks to treat suicide like any other life-altering decision.

That makes sense in some cases. I was just being polite in my comment by saying tiny. I think the truth is more that sometimes a tiny part wants to die, and a big part wants to live. "Pro choice" means autonomy to me. Impulsively acting on something that isn't a true desire isn't compatible with that philosophy.

I imagine it like signing away rights to see your child, or breaking up with an SO. It's frequently an empty threat with the actual goal of eliciting certain other emotions or outcomes, and going along with that impulse can end in the opposite of what the person really wants.