Venting Got sent to the psych ward

[potablewater784]

A few months ago, I had started talking about suicide casually around my family. Turns out this was a really bad idea because they ended up sending me to the psych ward and I had to waste the last few weeks of my summer. It was horrible there. They locked us up in our rooms for multiple hours a day and told us we were supposed to reflect on the stuff that we learned. It was such a waste of time and all they did was tell us things that everyone already knows. They talked about the same stuff like boundaries and coping mechanisms but none of it actually helps. My life is still just as shit as it was before. They also started me on Prozac but I haven't noted any difference at all and it's been a few months.
I also just started university this year and I was hoping that it would make me feel better but it really doesn't that much. It's nice to have something to do, but I'm still too socially anxious to actually make friends. Life is just too lonely but I also hate being around people.
Around a week into my hospitalization, my parents found a bag of salt in my room and thought it was SN (I know suicide by salt isn't a good method, but I was looking for any kind of way to ctb). I thought that was actually quite amusing since if I had SN I would've long been dead. They also read my journal which was felt like such an invasion of privacy. Since then I haven't felt able to write down my feelings and I don't trust them.
They also diagnosed me misophonia, which if you don't know is basically sensitivity to certain noises. It's actually probably a pretty big reason why I want to die because it just causes me so much frustration. Whenever I hear a trigger noise (like chewing or a lawnmower) I just feel like killing whoever is making it. I know I shouldn't feel that way so I feel like I should kill myself first.
Thanks for reading my venting. I'm so tired of this life and just wish that I never existed. It's been minute since I've been on this forum.

 

[symphony]

Sending love. Psych wards can be pretty dystopian at times. And the reading your journal thing pisses me the fuck off. Like what a way to show disrespect for a person and crank the coercion factor up to 11. My mom did that too when I had to live with her briefly after discharging from a hospital. There's this whole mentally in the system of, if you don't choose to live of your own free will, we will force you to live by any means necessary. It's cruel.

 

[pinkroses444]

I'm supposed to start university soon too. I know how you feel completely. I have no friends right now and my ex boyfriend does not love me or care about me anymore. my parent left me and unfortunately I have no one else I feel connected to, aside from ex but I ruined things there. I want to make new friends but whenever I get depressed I have extreme anxiety and I can't get close to people, plus I have to be in the "right mood" to be around people because most of the time I don't really feel I can relate to people so a lot of the time I put on this act, when I am depressed that's all out the window and this time the past few months the depression has been severe. Did you make any friends in the psych ward? And why do you say SN is not a good method?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

You had a bag of regular salt in your room? NaCl?

 

[potablewater784]

I'm supposed to start university soon too. I know how you feel completely. I have no friends right now and my ex boyfriend does not love me or care about me anymore. my parent left me and unfortunately I have no one else I feel connected to, aside from ex but I ruined things there. I want to make new friends but whenever I get depressed I have extreme anxiety and I can't get close to people, plus I have to be in the "right mood" to be around people because most of the time I don't really feel I can relate to people so a lot of the time I put on this act, when I am depressed that's all out the window and this time the past few months the depression has been severe. Did you make any friends in the psych ward? And why do you say SN is not a good method?

I did actually make some friends, but we weren't allowed to exchange contact information, so that kind of sucks. SN is a great method, I meant eating a ton of table salt to die is a bad idea.

You had a bag of regular salt in your room? NaCl?

Yes. I was reading about salt poisoning and figured it might work. The biggest problem is getting all of the salt down. It'd probably be very unpleasant

 

[freevoid]

A few months ago, I had started talking about suicide casually around my family. Turns out this was a really bad idea because they ended up sending me to the psych ward and I had to waste the last few weeks of my summer. It was horrible there. They locked us up in our rooms for multiple hours a day and told us we were supposed to reflect on the stuff that we learned. It was such a waste of time and all they did was tell us things that everyone already knows. They talked about the same stuff like boundaries and coping mechanisms but none of it actually helps. My life is still just as shit as it was before. They also started me on Prozac but I haven't noted any difference at all and it's been a few months.
I also just started university this year and I was hoping that it would make me feel better but it really doesn't that much. It's nice to have something to do, but I'm still too socially anxious to actually make friends. Life is just too lonely but I also hate being around people.
Around a week into my hospitalization, my parents found a bag of salt in my room and thought it was SN (I know suicide by salt isn't a good method, but I was looking for any kind of way to ctb). I thought that was actually quite amusing since if I had SN I would've long been dead. They also read my journal which was felt like such an invasion of privacy. Since then I haven't felt able to write down my feelings and I don't trust them.
They also diagnosed me misophonia, which if you don't know is basically sensitivity to certain noises. It's actually probably a pretty big reason why I want to die because it just causes me so much frustration. Whenever I hear a trigger noise (like chewing or a lawnmower) I just feel like killing whoever is making it. I know I shouldn't feel that way so I feel like I should kill myself first.
Thanks for reading my venting. I'm so tired of this life and just wish that I never existed. It's been minute since I've been on this forum.

As a fellow misophonia sufferer (among many other things) I completely understand. It too is one of the bigger reasons for my CTB. So sorry you had to go through such a crappy and wasteful experience. I can also relate to the loneliness/not liking being around other people dichotomy.

 

[FuneralGrey]

I'm sorry you had to go through that experience.

all they did was tell us things that everyone already knows

It sounds silly, but you'd be surprised how many people legitimately don't know about some of the basic stuff.

It sounds like your parents really invaded your privacy, and I'm so sorry for that. You deserve to have a safe space to write down your thoughts and feelings, and it's disgusting that they would think it okay to read your journal, worried about you or not.

Misophonia is so poorly understood by the public and it's impossible to understand the blind homicidal rage if you haven't experienced it yourself. I'm sorry you have to live with it, but it doesn't make you a bad person. There's just literally something in your brain that can't process certain sounds right. I know it's hard to believe – I don't believe it about myself, either – but it's not your fault or a reflection of your character.

 

[FuneralCry]

Psych wards sound like awful prisons to me and it must had been extremely dreadful being trapped in one. This is why I believe it to always be a bad idea to tell others about wanting to leave this world as after all, we live in a society so focused on prolonging suffering where people's wishes to leave are not respected. To me it's all very unfair, and I understand why you would feel so tired. It would have certainly been ideal to have never existed at all.