Venting Got my ticket for the bus

[highlyvolatile]

Hey y'all. I know I posted about having my SN and I realized that honestly I'm ready to leave. The only thing I'm struggling with is the when. I originally wanted to go before the 12th as that's my mother's birthday and celebrating her birthday without her is something i don't think I'm ready for. But ideally im ready to go at anytime. Im completely at peace with the idea of dying and I'm more disappointed when i wake up in the morning. I wonder a lot about what's after death and I honestly just hope that when i finally do catch this bus i have a peaceful departure. I know I'll leave behind some hurt but really looking at it none of us can leave without at least one person we know (at the very least people here will still miss you) being hurt or sad as a result.

I am grateful for having found this forum. Here i can say that i want to disappear and vanish without being drowned in things like how i shouldn't feel this way and that I'm running from my problems by wanting to commit suicide. (A discord friend said that I was running away from questions in life that i didn't want to answer). If anything I'm trying to escape my own damn mind. Talking with a good friend of mine i realized i really am my own worst enemy at times. She felt the same way too. Like I'm ready to go! I don't want to be here! I am not happy here nor do i want to continue existing. I am tired of this life. I hate my mind and i hate myself, a lot. And I just wish I could make myself vanish to get away from my mind. I don't even think I'm running away from any of my problems i face in life. Those problems have just been covering me in grief, pain and depression. If anything I'm running towards death with open arms.

thanks for hearing my vent/ rant I'm just tired if it all. i got my bus ticket, i just have to decide when i want to catch it.

 

[selfhater]

i wish u peace in whatever decision u take ♡

 

[lizinha]

I really wish I've gotten to know you better even tho we recently just start following eachother, I'm gonna miss you, and remember you. Please if you change your mind we're all here for you. Safe travels

 

[Largeletters]

I've enjoyed our small interactions back and forth. Whatever decision you choose, I hope it is the right one, and the one you want. May you find peace.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I hope that getting on the bus is the right decision and that you are able to be at peace by doing it. From what I can tell, SN sounds like a good way to do it, so I hope it goes well for you.

 

[popo]

My current plan RN is to CTB a few days after my birthday. The reason is so that it'll be close to a year which is a long time till my next birthday so less people will be reminded of my existence.

Gonna sponsor a BBQ for my peeps before I go as my final appreciation for them I guess.

 

[Jean4]

Sending you love and you know we will be there with you when you decide the time is right.

 

[OCDetc]

Hey y'all. I know I posted about having my SN and I realized that honestly I'm ready to leave. The only thing I'm struggling with is the when. I originally wanted to go before the 12th as that's my mother's birthday and celebrating her birthday without her is something i don't think I'm ready for. But ideally im ready to go at anytime. Im completely at peace with the idea of dying and I'm more disappointed when i wake up in the morning. I wonder a lot about what's after death and I honestly just hope that when i finally do catch this bus i have a peaceful departure. I know I'll leave behind some hurt but really looking at it none of us can leave without at least one person we know (at the very least people here will still miss you) being hurt or sad as a result.

I am grateful for having found this forum. Here i can say that i want to disappear and vanish without being drowned in things like how i shouldn't feel this way and that I'm running from my problems by wanting to commit suicide. (A discord friend said that I was running away from questions in life that i didn't want to answer). If anything I'm trying to escape my own damn mind. Talking with a good friend of mine i realized i really am my own worst enemy at times. She felt the same way too. Like I'm ready to go! I don't want to be here! I am not happy here nor do i want to continue existing. I am tired of this life. I hate my mind and i hate myself, a lot. And I just wish I could make myself vanish to get away from my mind. I don't even think I'm running away from any of my problems i face in life. Those problems have just been covering me in grief, pain and depression. If anything I'm running towards death with open arms.

thanks for hearing my vent/ rant I'm just tired if it all. i got my bus ticket, i just have to decide when i want to catch it.

Hey. So reading these words really brought me back to where I was a few years ago, and where I feel I'm coming back to today. The wanting to get away from my own brain. I can't stop the terrible pain, the thoughts of impending pain etc. And most of all, not knowing WHEN. It's kind of strange, right, to care about the WHEN in relation to how cosmically larger the WHAT of we want to do is. Does that make sense? I also always think of who I would miss, almost more than I think of who would miss me. I think that's because the pain has made me selfish.

 

[highlyvolatile]

i wish u peace in whatever decision u take ♡

Thank you ♡

I really wish I've gotten to know you better even tho we recently just start following eachother, I'm gonna miss you, and remember you. Please if you change your mind we're all here for you. Safe travels

I'll be here for at least a little while. The 12th is 5 days away and honestly I have a terrible time deciding on things. And with something as crucial as this i want to be sure i have a set date. But im sure im ready to go and I have what I need. I look forward to whats after all of this. Thank you ♡

(also am sorry am trying to respond to everyone.. )

 

[HelensNepenthe]

I've enjoyed every moment spending time with you.

 

[highlyvolatile]

I've enjoyed our small interactions back and forth. Whatever decision you choose, I hope it is the right one, and the one you want. May you find peace.

Same goes to you, im sorry youre leaving us today. ♡♡♡ You'll be missed. ♡♡♡♡

I hope that getting on the bus is the right decision and that you are able to be at peace by doing it. From what I can tell, SN sounds like a good way to do it, so I hope it goes well for you.

SN is a good way and from what I could tell most the time people have called 911 or were found when they were unsuccessful. I think what makes me a bit sad cause I know my relatives wont check on me. They never even enter the room. They just yell my name from upstairs. Or call my phone.

My current plan RN is to CTB a few days after my birthday. The reason is so that it'll be close to a year which is a long time till my next birthday so less people will be reminded of my existence.

Gonna sponsor a BBQ for my peeps before I go as my final appreciation for them I guess.

Thats not a bad idea. I think thats nice you want to have a barbecue as a final thank you type of deal. Thats really nice.

Sending you love and you know we will be there with you when you decide the time is right.

Thank you so much. Im glad to know I wont be alone when I go. This community has been really supportive since i joined. Its part of what helps me get through the day.

Hey. So reading these words really brought me back to where I was a few years ago, and where I feel I'm coming back to today. The wanting to get away from my own brain. I can't stop the terrible pain, the thoughts of impending pain etc. And most of all, not knowing WHEN. It's kind of strange, right, to care about the WHEN in relation to how cosmically larger the WHAT of we want to do is. Does that make sense? I also always think of who I would miss, almost more than I think of who would miss me. I think that's because the pain has made me selfish.

I dont like it inside my mind. And that does make sense, sort of? And id miss a lot of people, its been hard for me to be selfish. Im just hard on myself a lot and that hasnt helped tbh. Though if i were more selfish things would probably be different.

I've enjoyed every moment spending time with you.

As have I ♡ i will continue to talk with you until i leave this place

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey Sweetie...I'm so sorry..I really enjoyed speaking with u..wish there was something I could do..pm me if u need me. I'm here for u