Got my SN a few days ago

[old_constant69]

Got about a pound of SN a few days ago about 98% for cheap. Was thinking of taking it earlier today but couldn't work up the courage... Been battling depression, general and social anxiety for most of my life but the last few months have been so bad. I have been through alot as a kid, was a homeless teen and couch surfed and stayed with friends in my 20's but I have never been so depressed or had any suicidal thoughts. I have recently started thinking of suicide because it feels like my life has become so hopeless. I see no way out. Everyday I go to work and everyone at work seems to hate me, my social anxiety makes it hard for me to be comfortable around people and everyone probably thinks I'm just some stuck up asshole. I've been working at this place for years making shit money and everyone seems thinks I'm on drugs, I've heard rumors people think I am. Been getting teased and bullied at work, my boss and other supervisors seem to hate me. I guess it didn't help that I was smoking weed the first few years I was working there just to deal with my anxiety but now I'm clean and my depression and anxiety are getting worse. The weed helped me deal with the teasing and all that but now it's unbearable. I should be looking for another job but I have been feeling so down, I just get off work and come home and lay down with no motivation or energy to do anything. Recently I contacted HR about being bullied at work and I think I made a big mistake by doing that. I told them I would like to keep it confidential and I probably won't want to make a report or anything and they seemed a little annoyed I was even calling. I really don't want my boss to find out. Now even more anxiety. I really don't know what to do anymore. I have SN, benzos and that's about it. It's been so bad I would risk taking it without the antiemetics but I guess I'm maybe not ready to go just yet and maybe a little nervous I will fail since I don't have everything that's recommended. I really don't want to go to work on monday and deal with the HR shit. Ugggggg. Wish someone would just walk up and shoot me in the head, or someone would just drop a nuke on me.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound very tiring what you've been through and it's very much understandable wishing to be free from this hellish world that is filled with cruel and insensitive humans. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you are searching for.