maybunni
endless
- Aug 14, 2023
- 20
Just wanted to vent because it just keeps getting worse, and i'm at my final straw.
I finally got my foot in the door in the profession I've always dreamed and studied so hard for despite it all just to still feel the same or worse most days. I have never felt so isolated and lost in my life.
Nothings changed, I still dread waking up and now even worse because I dread going into work/ placements. I feel so much anxiety at the thought of going in. I genuinely can't do it anymore. What's the point? Every time I'm there, every one makes me feel so small, useless and a burden for asking questions or taking my time in something I've never done. But when I don't ask how to do something I haven't actually done before, I'm told why didn't I just asked for help. ??? Because you made me feel stupid for asking in the first place and that I should've know already????
I'm still learning.
I try so hard but all they can see are my mistakes and inadequacies. Every time I make a mistake, they talk to me like I did it out of stupidity or negligence. It's like no matter what I do, I am doing everything wrong. Nothing I do is right. I'm told to do it this way, I do it exactly like they say, and then I'm told that's actually the wrong way to do it. Then I get questioned why on earth I thought that was appropriate way to do it in the first place. I don't even bother trying to explain myself because I am told I'm just making excuses and talking back. I constantly bite my tongue but no one else does, I just cop the verbal lashings, it's not fair. I genuinely don't want to do it anymore.
I'm told I need to be more social with everyone but when I am, I'm told my interests are weird. When I keep to myself, i'm told I'm being unprofessional and not a team player. Make it make sense?
Anyways, that's all I just wanted to vent…
Edit, just wanted to add more. I genuinely don't want to do it anymore, I don't see a future at all. I don't see any point at all. It's never going to get easier. It just always gets worse. Any good that comes from my life always comes to an end. There's really no point.
I finally got my foot in the door in the profession I've always dreamed and studied so hard for despite it all just to still feel the same or worse most days. I have never felt so isolated and lost in my life.
Nothings changed, I still dread waking up and now even worse because I dread going into work/ placements. I feel so much anxiety at the thought of going in. I genuinely can't do it anymore. What's the point? Every time I'm there, every one makes me feel so small, useless and a burden for asking questions or taking my time in something I've never done. But when I don't ask how to do something I haven't actually done before, I'm told why didn't I just asked for help. ??? Because you made me feel stupid for asking in the first place and that I should've know already????
I'm still learning.
I try so hard but all they can see are my mistakes and inadequacies. Every time I make a mistake, they talk to me like I did it out of stupidity or negligence. It's like no matter what I do, I am doing everything wrong. Nothing I do is right. I'm told to do it this way, I do it exactly like they say, and then I'm told that's actually the wrong way to do it. Then I get questioned why on earth I thought that was appropriate way to do it in the first place. I don't even bother trying to explain myself because I am told I'm just making excuses and talking back. I constantly bite my tongue but no one else does, I just cop the verbal lashings, it's not fair. I genuinely don't want to do it anymore.
I'm told I need to be more social with everyone but when I am, I'm told my interests are weird. When I keep to myself, i'm told I'm being unprofessional and not a team player. Make it make sense?
Anyways, that's all I just wanted to vent…
Edit, just wanted to add more. I genuinely don't want to do it anymore, I don't see a future at all. I don't see any point at all. It's never going to get easier. It just always gets worse. Any good that comes from my life always comes to an end. There's really no point.
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