ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Mage
Mar 25, 2019
593
I'm just so sick of this. I love him but I'm sick and tired of him blaming shit that have nothing to do with my depression. He tells me things like "Your depression isn't real" and "The only reason why you are depressed is because you talk to your depression forum friends, who are lazy and bored people who have nothing better to do with their lives." When I try to tell him I feel lonely, he says things like, "We will build a family together one day. Once you have a family, you won't waste time with such nonsense anymore."
I feel so guilty for everything he sacrificed for me, but at the same time, I feel like I'm slowly being driven insane.
He also blames me for his health problems. Sometimes, he says things like "You are the reason I have hyperthyroidism. If you focused more on the important things in life and filled your head with less nonsense, I would feel so much less stress in my daily life."
I feel so alone. I don't think he really understands me, but he is pretty much my only IRL friend.
 
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Blue Moon

Blue Moon

Truth is, the game was rigged from the start.
Dec 11, 2019
47
Stay strong
 
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fightingsioux

fightingsioux

Specialist
Oct 22, 2019
357
I'm just so sick of this. I love him but I'm sick and tired of him blaming shit that have nothing to do with my depression. He tells me things like "Your depression isn't real" and "The only reason why you are depressed is because you talk to your depression forum friends, who are lazy and bored people who have nothing better to do with their lives." When I try to tell him I feel lonely, he says things like, "We will build a family together one day. Once you have a family, you won't waste time with such nonsense anymore."
I feel so guilty for everything he sacrificed for me, but at the same time, I feel like I'm slowly being driven insane.
He also blames me for his health problems. Sometimes, he says things like "You are the reason I have hyperthyroidism. If you focused more on the important things in life and filled your head with less nonsense, I would feel so much less stress in my daily life."
I feel so alone. I don't think he really understands me, but he is pretty much my only IRL friend.
Hang in there.

Doesn't sound like a very supportive person, doesn't sound like you're happy. I know that this is the obvious question, but is there any way that you could strike out on your own, find someone else?
 
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ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Mage
Mar 25, 2019
593
Hang in there.

Doesn't sound like a very supportive person, doesn't sound like you're happy. I know that this is the obvious question, but is there any way that you could strike out on your own, find someone else?
no interest in starting another relationship. I already told myself if we ever break up, I'm definitely going to kill myself. He is the reason I haven't already killed myself. He moved to the US for me, and I feel guilty for everything he sacrificed. If I never met him, I might have killed myself 2 or 3 years ago.
I already bought SN, so in theory, I could kill myself at any time. I know that if I did, I'd make all his sacrifices go to waste, and that is what is holding me back
 
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OreoWellington

OreoWellington

Ready To Die
Sep 28, 2019
123
I was in a terrible relationship similar to this once. :eh: I feel for you. UGH!!!! Relationships, even bad ones, can be so hard to break out of, especially if you are a deep feeling person and they use that to their advantage to pull you back and keep you there. :'(;-;;-;;-;
 
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NeCkDeEp

NeCkDeEp

Experienced
Nov 30, 2019
285
Correct me if I'm wrong but your boyfriend sounds not like the best boyfriend: he does not take your depression serious, he thinks the reason why you are depressed (wtf?), he is almost forcing you to have kids with him (building a family can make things even more worse, just saying. People really underestimate this) and he blames you for his health problems?
This relationship sounds exhausting
 
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ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Mage
Mar 25, 2019
593
I was in a terrible relationship similar to this once. :eh: I feel for you. UGH!!!! Relationships, even bad ones, can be so hard to break out of, especially if you are a deep feeling person and they use that to their advantage to pull you back and keep you there. :'(;-;;-;;-;
He sacrificed so much for me...we met in China 3 years ago (he is a native Chinese guy, and I'm an American citizen). He moved to the US, invested a lot of time and money on English classes and computer science classes, and left behind his family and old job in China just for me. He could've had a stable and comfortable life in China, but he gave everything up for me....
Correct me if I'm wrong but your boyfriend sounds not like the best boyfriend: he does not take your depression serious, he thinks the reason why you are depressed (wtf?), he is almost forcing you to have kids with him (building a family can make things even more worse, just saying. People really underestimate this) and he blames you for his health problems?
This relationship sounds exhausting
he sacrificed so much for me...
 
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NeCkDeEp

NeCkDeEp

Experienced
Nov 30, 2019
285
He sacrificed so much for me...we met in China 3 years ago (he is a native Chinese guy, and I'm an American citizen). He moved to the US, invested a lot of time and money on English classes and computer science classes, and left behind his family and old job in China just for me. He could've had a stable and comfortable life in China, but he gave everything up for me....

he sacrificed so much for me...
Sorry but it still does not give him the right to treat you like that, he doesn't take your depression serious.
Please take care of yourself.

Ask yourself the following question please: are you happy in this relationship?
 
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ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Mage
Mar 25, 2019
593
Sorry but it still does not give him the right to treat you like that, he doesn't take your depression serious.
Please take care of yourself.

Ask yourself the following question please: are you happy in this relationship?
it alternates I guess...he does little things to try to make me happy. When I got laid off from work not long ago, the first thing he did was cook my favorite meal. He also recently bought plane tickets for a vacation to California because he told me he wants to try to make me happy....
but then we get into these fights....
 
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NeCkDeEp

NeCkDeEp

Experienced
Nov 30, 2019
285
it alternates I guess...he does little things to try to make me happy. When I got laid off from work not long ago, the first thing he did was cook my favorite meal. He also recently bought plane tickets for a vacation to California because he told me he wants to try to make me happy....
but then we get into these fights....
That's nice of him anyway you just should need to look whether he makes you happy or not.
This shouldn't be a way to keep you with him, it's clear if he isn't the person who makes you feel happy and like you mean the world to him.

I do advise if you decide to stay with him: please have a conversation with him about mental health to hopefully make him realise that mental health is quite serious, he can get you in a really bad place mentally if he doesn't take it serious instead of supporting you.
 
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Farmmaa

Farmmaa

Specialist
Dec 4, 2019
343
It's called Gaslighting and it's toxic and unhealthy.

You owe him nothing.... nothing.
 
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wanttodie.nz

Student
Jul 24, 2019
114
I don't care if this sounds racist but depression and suicide and even more looked down upon in Eastern nations than Western
 
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Shakespear's Brother

Member
Sep 10, 2019
297
He tells me things like "Your depression isn't real"
People spew this type of invalidating shit because they are fearful of the role they play in contributing to the person's condition.

Sometimes, he says things like "You are the reason I have hyperthyroidism. If you focused more on the important things in life and filled your head with less nonsense, I would feel so much less stress in my daily life."
Wow, this is... rich.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.
 
chrijo

chrijo

done
Feb 8, 2019
329
"We will build a family together one day. Once you have a family, you won't waste time with such nonsense anymore."
I don't know if creating new (innocent) suffering is really the solution...?

I guess that's the do-gooder's answer. An (innocent!) child makes this fucking world so much more bearable for you.

You don't like The World? Why you don't bring a (innocent!!) child into the world :D
 
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Foresight

Foresight

Enlightened
Jun 14, 2019
1,397
This man made the adult decision to move to the US. That's on him alone. You're both individuals. Dont put that stress on yourself, even if he goes on about it like it's on you.

I was in a relationship for years. I told myself if he left that's it. I didn't want to start again. He left in 2013. I spent 4 years dead alone, isolated.

I met the absolute love of my life in 2017. The perfect match for me. Saying I didnt want to start over again was the dumbest thing I ever thought. Shit, even being single was better. Wasting away in a shit relationship is never the path for someone.

If you're in love with this guy and he provides support and care to you more than he goes off on you like this, then stick it out. Maybe this is only a small fragment of an otherwise loving dynamic. I personally wouldn't want to deal with someone that stiff about mental health. My husband is pro choice for suicide and understands life provides plenty of reasons to feel lost.
 
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Hotsackage

Enlightened
Mar 11, 2019
1,029
If people only knew wat mental illness is
 
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Guizin239

Student
Aug 6, 2019
116
I wish I had a boyfriend :(
 
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beatenghost

beatenghost

Member
May 26, 2019
40
Your post feels like I could have written it 2 years ago. Girl, I am telling you, the loneliest I ever felt was when I was with a man who "sacrificed" for me like yours has for you. He didn't "sacrifice" anything for you, he did what he chose to in order to have you in his life. You've said you can't leave him as he's your only friend, that isn't the words of someone who is in love. You talk about being 100% sure about CTB, but the leap between life and death is MUCH MUCH bigger than the leap between this relationship and singledom. If you're going to CTB anyway, why not take the much smaller leap from the relationship first? From being in your position I honestly promise you your feelings will completely change once you are cut free from someone like that. I obviously respect every person's right to CTB but I am telling you from experience, letting a partner lead you to CTB is never the only way

Edit: Also, when two people live together, you are BOTH making a sacrifice. Where is the thanks for the sacrifices YOU have made? He is not a benevolent god who is doing you a favor by being with you. You are as equal a person as he is! You are enriching his life too! And if he is making you feel otherwise? Then he is NOT the type of person who should be allowed to make YOU feel like you want to leave this life
 
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c824767

Specialist
Sep 2, 2019
358
I'm just so sick of this. I love him but I'm sick and tired of him blaming shit that have nothing to do with my depression. He tells me things like "Your depression isn't real" and "The only reason why you are depressed is because you talk to your depression forum friends, who are lazy and bored people who have nothing better to do with their lives." When I try to tell him I feel lonely, he says things like, "We will build a family together one day. Once you have a family, you won't waste time with such nonsense anymore."
I feel so guilty for everything he sacrificed for me, but at the same time, I feel like I'm slowly being driven insane.
He also blames me for his health problems. Sometimes, he says things like "You are the reason I have hyperthyroidism. If you focused more on the important things in life and filled your head with less nonsense, I would feel so much less stress in my daily life."
I feel so alone. I don't think he really understands me, but he is pretty much my only IRL friend.
My boyfriend always blackmails me... I do not know what to do. I know he feels bad that I want to die and he would rather that I die than talk about dying. With MAID it would be so much easier. My friends and my boyfriend could be there and it would all be above board. I need him for emotional support but is that abusive ? I want him to go on with his life and be rid of me. Maybe I should let him break up with me. I am being such a baby..
 
fightingsioux

fightingsioux

Specialist
Oct 22, 2019
357
The question that everyone is really debating: Is it better to be alone and lonely, or with someone who makes you feel like shit?

I have my personal preference, which I tried to suggest to the OP, but it seems she must find her own path.
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,704
@ScorpiusDragon my dear, do you have a therapist? Could you have a session or two with your boyfriend? A therapist worth even a little salt should be able to straighten out some of his obtuse blaming crap.

And can I ask what part of China he's from that makes living in the US such a sacrifice? I left the US, so I'm not talking rah-rah red-white-and-blue type stuff. I've lived in Communist countries including China, and get that one can have a comfortable life in them. But still: Where is the big "sacrifice"?
 
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c824767

Specialist
Sep 2, 2019
358
The question that everyone is really debating: Is it better to be alone and lonely, or with someone who makes you feel like shit?

I have my personal preference, which I tried to suggest to the OP, but it seems she must find her own path.

I am just a baby. He does everything for me. He would do anything for me. He has purpose, he works hard, he is a self-marketing visual artist, I am the one declining in function and purpose. He is not making me feel like shit. Everything else is making me feel like shit. My banker told me today that another banker from the same company (Sc
The question that everyone is really debating: Is it better to be alone and lonely, or with someone who makes you feel like shit?

I have my personal preference, which I tried to suggest to the OP, but it seems she must find her own path.
Scotia Bank highjacked my account. He says it happens all the time. I am like. What else is happening all the time that is illegal and has nothing to do with fiduciary responsibility to the client. When I was with another bank (Royal Bank) they managed to block all my accounts and get me into jail. I hate banks. I hate the justice system. I hate how we are all bullied into silence and acquiescence denying the horrors of this world for what ? an iphone? An Iphone is NOT a voice against evil.
It is true that fightingsioux said to me that one needs to find the beauty in all this. I just think that we cannot afford to think like this. We all need to be Greta Thunbergs who stand up to the bullshit and say it as it is. I am not saying there is no beauty but focussing on beauty and mindfulness for 50 years has gotten us to the point of mass destruction of the body and mind of innocent underprivileged humans who have no voice, who need a voice.
 
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ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Mage
Mar 25, 2019
593
@ScorpiusDragon my dear, do you have a therapist? Could you have a session or two with your boyfriend? A therapist worth even a little salt should be able to straighten out some of his obtuse blaming crap.

And can I ask what part of China he's from that makes living in the US such a sacrifice? I left the US, so I'm not talking rah-rah red-white-and-blue type stuff. I've lived in Communist countries including China, and get that one can have a comfortable life in them. But still: Where is the big "sacrifice"?
He left his job and family in China for me. He could have stayed in China and lived a comfortable and stable life. But he chose to come to the USA and learn English almost from scratch for me. I know he invested a lot of time and money on the move.
And no, I do not have a therapist anymore. In my experience, they aren't particularly helpful.
 
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Moony21

Moony21

Experienced
Nov 23, 2018
273
I can feel you...my husband take depression for real. He only feel with someone when one have cancer or a broken bone. We have a lot of fights. He often say about people: that's a psycho and things like that. Then I get angry and finding me in the situation of teach him some psychology. I'm sad and stuck in a toxic marriage and can't finde the courage to just move away. Too much other stuff in life which's not worthing to move on in my life. It's hard but at least when I will ctb he hopefully will understand a little about struggling and that the pain is real. I wish you the best.
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,704
He left his job and family in China for me. He could have stayed in China and lived a comfortable and stable life. But he chose to come to the USA and learn English almost from scratch for me. I know he invested a lot of time and money on the move.
And no, I do not have a therapist anymore. In my experience, they aren't particularly helpful.

I understand the move required a lot of effort. Is his life in the US uncomfortable and unstable? I'm sorry it's not a very appealing place to be; maybe you should both move to Quebec or Tahiti or somewhere like that, to even up the sacrifice and find a happier atmosphere.

That suggestion sounds flippant but isn't meant to be. In my situation I'm the one who could keep throwing my choice in my friend's face, and it has the potential to make the relationship awfully unbalanced. It's not fair to the "sacrificee".
 
TowerUpright

TowerUpright

Disillusioned
May 26, 2019
602
I wish I had a boyfriend :(

As a guy, I can safely say, we're not worth the maintenance.
The question that everyone is really debating: Is it better to be alone and lonely, or with someone who makes you feel like shit?

I have my personal preference, which I tried to suggest to the OP, but it seems she must find her own path.

There's at least another state as well: with someone and lonely. Choosing someone to be with simply because they are there and being reminded of that poor choice daily is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.
 
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c824767

Specialist
Sep 2, 2019
358
If people only knew wat mental illness is
This is why we all need a VOICE. No one wants our story, they call us the thinkers of dark thoughts and do not want to be around us unless we are prepared to talk small talk. The cult of optimism has bulldozed the earth and made the underprivileged believe they can get on if they WORK hard enough for the overprivileged. So we have children sitting on garbage piles in the third world finding "tradeable waste" becoming toxic with low life expectancy. We have the homeless rooting all over town for pop cans to be able to afford a smoke (Evil Big Tobacco) or some crack (evil drug cartels). We have corporations put out missives that are beyond cynical like this one: https://opportunity.businessroundtable.org/ourcommitment/ We are making NO Headways. We are stuck in the middle ages. If we had built the social nets that we had committed to establishing in the 40s (https://rooseveltinstitute.org/build-nation-and-people-fdr-and-wpa/) would we have such awesome technology pushed by capitalism such as iphones and amazon. I would forfeit that in exchange for the amount of demoralization that our current regimes of Political Correctness (=muzzling), the horrendous fear of the middle class to become poor, the reality of child labour, world wide (and not just 3rd world countries) farmer suicide (often by pesticides), starvation, disenfranchisement of humans through war (fought with the assistance of the military industrial complex), suppression of minorities (Uighur) , political persecution of minorities (artists in China, https://www.nydailynews.com/new-yor...troversial-exhibit-brooklyn-article-1.1701672), etc. etc. human rights violations going on under our noses with very little push-back because everyone has their faces in the iphone, in Netflix (watching a cartel original series and NOT wondering why there are still cartels after 50 years of drug toxicity and kids dying from fentanyl). I feel threatened by people who do not tolerate dark thoughts. Knowing that we are at the brink of ending it all we can be strong enough to have a voice. If Greta Thunberg can do it, so can we. World leaders are distancing themselves from her because of her impact on the anxiety of young people, calling her an apocalyptic witch. https://www.thegwpf.com/political-leaders-turn-on-greta-thunberg-as-she-sues-france-germany/ Calling someone a witch to me as a German born women is the worst possible case of accusation (witch hunt in Germany was among the worst persecutions in history https://qz.com/1183992/why-europe-was-overrun-by-witch-hunts-in-early-modern-history/). A death sentence for a strong woman who demands a voice. Here is what she said to the UN in September: " You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words. And yet I'm one of the lucky ones. People are suffering, people are dying, entire ecosystems are collapsing. We are at the beginning of a mass extinction, and you can only talk about money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you?" This is exactly how I feel
I can feel you...my husband take depression for real. He only feel with someone when one have cancer or a broken bone. We have a lot of fights. He often say about people: that's a psycho and things like that. Then I get angry and finding me in the situation of teach him some psychology. I'm sad and stuck in a toxic marriage and can't finde the courage to just move away. Too much other stuff in life which's not worthing to move on in my life. It's hard but at least when I will ctb he hopefully will understand a little about struggling and that the pain is real. I wish you the best.
This is why we all need a VOICE. No one wants our story, they call us the thinkers of dark thoughts and do not want to be around us unless we are prepared to talk small talk. The cult of optimism has bulldozed the earth and made the underprivileged believe they can get on if they WORK hard enough for the overprivileged. So we have children sitting on garbage piles in the third world finding "tradeable waste" becoming toxic with low life expectancy. We have the homeless rooting all over town for pop cans to be able to afford a smoke (Evil Big Tobacco) or some crack (evil drug cartels). We have corporations put out missives that are beyond cynical like this one: https://opportunity.businessroundtable.org/ourcommitment/ We are making NO Headways. We are stuck in the middle ages. If we had built the social nets that we had committed to establishing in the 40s (https://rooseveltinstitute.org/build-nation-and-people-fdr-and-wpa/) would we have such awesome technology pushed by capitalism such as iphones and amazon. I would forfeit that in exchange for the amount of demoralization that our current regimes of Political Correctness (=muzzling), the horrendous fear of the middle class to become poor, the reality of child labour, world wide (and not just 3rd world countries) farmer suicide (often by pesticides), starvation, disenfranchisement of humans through war (fought with the assistance of the military industrial complex), suppression of minorities (Uighur) , political persecution of minorities (artists in China, https://www.nydailynews.com/new-yor...troversial-exhibit-brooklyn-article-1.1701672), etc. etc. human rights violations going on under our noses with very little push-back because everyone has their faces in the iphone, in Netflix (watching a cartel original series and NOT wondering why there are still cartels after 50 years of drug toxicity and kids dying from fentanyl). I feel threatened by people who do not tolerate dark thoughts. Knowing that we are at the brink of ending it all we can be strong enough to have a voice. If Greta Thunberg can do it, so can we. World leaders are distancing themselves from her because of her impact on the anxiety of young people, calling her an apocalyptic witch. https://www.thegwpf.com/political-leaders-turn-on-greta-thunberg-as-she-sues-france-germany/ Calling someone a witch to me as a German born women is the worst possible case of accusation (witch hunt in Germany was among the worst persecutions in history https://qz.com/1183992/why-europe-was-overrun-by-witch-hunts-in-early-modern-history/). A death sentence for a strong woman who demands a voice. Here is what she said to the UN in September: " You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words. And yet I'm one of the lucky ones. People are suffering, people are dying, entire ecosystems are collapsing. We are at the beginning of a mass extinction, and you can only talk about money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you?" This is exactly how I feel
People cannot be empathetic for too long. If you have cancer and you do not die in the predicted time frame. all hell breaks loose. If you are mentally ill and do not get better, all hell breaks loose. People want you to LIVE or die because they are uncomfortable with humans threatening suicide. There are no realistic answers to suffering and disease. No one wants to be stuck with looking after you or with paying someone to look after you. They do not want to listen to someone like Greta Thunberg holding powerful male white capitalists accountable. Their names are: Bill Gates, Amancio Ortega, Warren Buffett, Carlos Slim Helú, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Larry Ellison, Michael Bloomberg.
We all need to help Greta, get our rationale out there why we want to die. Much of it has to do with the emotional insecurity of this earth. People are too "busy" with their own idea of accomplishing something to think about why 50% of the planetary population is on incomes around $100 or $200 per person per year, a situation where they are threatened by food insecurity and other lethal deprivations). The reason why 50% of the planetary population is subsisting in a most undignified way is that we HAVE NOT succeeded in the 1940's goal of building safety nets that would eliminate this state of offensive indignity. The fact that we are in the year 2020 without having eradicated the indignity of living in utter poverty around the globe is testament to our dumb greed and our inability to use capitalism wisely. To create the much quoted Trickle Down Effect that was promised and never happened. The other testament to our dumb greed is global destruction of the environment by pollution and warming. Greta Thunberg is on that and we all need to be on that because this is what drives the emotional insecurity of humans on this planet. Unless we are delusional, we have no hope.
 
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F

FormerPerson

New Member
Dec 14, 2019
1
He sacrificed so much for me...we met in China 3 years ago (he is a native Chinese guy, and I'm an American citizen). He moved to the US, invested a lot of time and money on English classes and computer science classes, and left behind his family and old job in China just for me. He could've had a stable and comfortable life in China, but he gave everything up for me....

he sacrificed so much for me...

He can do that and also not be a good fit for you. Moving to the US is not so much a sacrifice for someone from China as it is a big goal.

You are probably underestimating your worth. Are you in some ways a good girlfriend? Are you loving and supportive, even while you have your own constant problems? There are a great many men who would be ok with helping you dealing with your problems while you are also being a loving and supportive girlfriend.
 
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c824767

Specialist
Sep 2, 2019
358
He left his job and family in China for me. He could have stayed in China and lived a comfortable and stable life. But he chose to come to the USA and learn English almost from scratch for me. I know he invested a lot of time and money on the move.
And no, I do not have a therapist anymore. In my experience, they aren't particularly helpful.
what if you two went to China together and lived there for a while. Maybe the change will make you joyful and engaged in life.
 
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WilliamKline

WilliamKline

Flâneur
Sep 16, 2019
135
I'm just so sick of this. I love him but I'm sick and tired of him blaming shit that have nothing to do with my depression. He tells me things like "Your depression isn't real" and "The only reason why you are depressed is because you talk to your depression forum friends, who are lazy and bored people who have nothing better to do with their lives." When I try to tell him I feel lonely, he says things like, "We will build a family together one day. Once you have a family, you won't waste time with such nonsense anymore."
I feel so guilty for everything he sacrificed for me, but at the same time, I feel like I'm slowly being driven insane.
He also blames me for his health problems. Sometimes, he says things like "You are the reason I have hyperthyroidism. If you focused more on the important things in life and filled your head with less nonsense, I would feel so much less stress in my daily life."
I feel so alone. I don't think he really understands me, but he is pretty much my only IRL friend.

Hi @ScorpiusDragon I'm sorry to see you having such a rough time but happy to see you surface again, when I first found this board I read a lot of your posts, haven't seen you around much since. There is just this co-dependency with you and your boyfriend, the situation sucks and really neither is to blame. It seems like there's a very fragile balance, with just a bit of disturbance, scales tip to one side or the other. To achieve a more solid balance, a bit of weight needs to be put on the scales from both sides.

You are all he has, he is all you have. How about both of you adding something like a hobby or passtime where you both get to meet some new people, some distraction, just to put some weight on both sides of the scale?
 
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