Help Got excluded from support group

[Meteora]

Hi everyone

I joined a support group for partners of Aspergers autists in February.
They meet monthly and the first meeting was very helpful, we laughed a lot since we understood eachother so well when it came to our partners.

The second meeting was difficult for me. The group leader, who structures the convention wasn't there so it was pretty chaotic. We were only three women, all new to the group.
I felt the two other women had a connection, experiencing many things similarly, I felt a bit left out.

I didn't want to pity myself and therefore tried to actively take part in the conversations. It happened that I spoke about my past, the women also asked questions and spoke about their past.

Today I got a text from the group leader that she heard things about the last meeting and therefore doesn't want me in the group anymore. At that point she had already deleted me from the group chat.
I called and asked her, why she thinks this and what she had heard. She said, I spoke too much in the last meeting and generally don't fit the group because I m mentally ill (I told to much in the last meeting, I was just being open).
I tried to reconcile appologizing for my "mistake" but there was no chance she would let me be part in the meeting in April.

I m devastated. Losing ground. I m shaky and cannot think clearly.
Why do they think they are able to do this? I m the problem so they eliminate me?
History keeps repeating itself endlessly. I was already an imposition the minute I was born....
And besides, what group leader listens only to one side of the story and tells me via text that I m out???
I cannot believe all this.

 

[soulkitty]

What????????? Dude I am so sorry, that is so horrible. The whole point of a support group is to be supportive of eachother and be able to open up about things without being judged. That was definitely not a good group to be in, so maybe it's for the best that it's not apart of your life anymore. Nobody should be treated like that and you didn't deserve that at all. I hate how much mental illness is discriminated against. I hope you find a support group in the future that treats you well and you're able to get along with

 

[Meteora]

@soulkitty thank you so much for these kind words...... Right? They miss the point of the support group completely. Besides, if someone once talks too much (because you re nervous) is this akready an irreparable mistake? What world is this?

The problem is, there is no other support group of that kind nearby and I have no car.

 

[Melancholic_Misfit]

You're not the only one.

I used to be part of a trans support group for a year, so most people there had an idea of how I was like, but decided to cast me away recently over 1 big fight without even hearing my side of the story.

@soulkitty thank you so much for these kind words...... Right? They miss the point of the support group completely. Besides, if someone once talks too much (because you re nervous) you have already lost? What world is this?

The problem is, there is no other support group of that kind nearby and I have no car.

Modern world seems to revolve around "Life is too short to bother fixing things among people, get rid of them immediately if they as much as make a few 'mistakes', simply because there's an abundance of people out there who'd be able to easily replace them". It feels surreal to me. I doubt that people throughout human history were this easily disposable of other people as people are nowadays.

This feels less like a support group/community and more like a clique of the leader and their friends instead.

Anyway, sending hugs on your way!

 

[Meteora]

@Melancholic_Misfit
That's insane. I m so sorry you went through this, too.

without even hearing my side of the story.

That s so unfair....

Modern world seems to revolve around "Life is too short to bother fixing things among people, get rid of them immediately if they as much as make a few 'mistakes', simply because there's an abundance of people out there who'd be able to easily replace them". It feels surreal to me. I doubt that people throughout human history were this easily disposable of other people as people are nowadays.

That is so true..... unfortunately....
And yes, it got worse in the past one and a half decades. What a horrible, devastating development.

Anyway, sending hugs on your way!

Thank you .

 

[Linda]

This is a bit of a long shot, but are you well enough to found a support group yourself and run it? That way you would get to make the rules.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Today I got a text from the group leader that she heard things about the last meeting and therefore doesn't want me in the group anymore. At that point she had already deleted me from the group chat.

I'm so sorry what happened on you. This group seems to have done more harm than good. If they have to hurt you in order to benefit others, it's not a support group at all!

Besides, if someone once talks too much (because you re nervous) is this akready an inrepearable mistake? What world is this?

Definitely no. It's the group leader, not you, who have done irreparable damage.

I used to be part of a trans support group for a year, so most people there had an idea of how I was like, but decided to cast me away recently over 1 big fight without even hearing my side of the story.

I'm so sorry what happened on you, too.

This feels less like a support group/community and more like a clique of the leader and their friends instead.

I totally agree!

Modern world seems to revolve around "Life is too short to bother fixing things among people, get rid of them immediately if they as much as make a few 'mistakes', simply because there's an abundance of people out there who'd be able to easily replace them". It feels surreal to me. I doubt that people throughout human history were this easily disposable of other people as people are nowadays.

I'm so sad about this. Making people disposable creates culture of fear and sense of worthlessness. This is part of the reason why I'm suicidal.

 

[Meteora]

This is a bit of a long shot, but are you well enough to found a support group yourself and run it? That way you would get to make the rules.

That is a good idea but I don't think I would be able to run such a group in my current state.
Besides, I would have very high expectations on myself.

This group seems to have done more harm than good. If they have to hurt you in order to benefit others, it's not a support group at all!

Thank you.... that's what I think, too, but "forget" when treated this way.

Definitely no. It's the group leader, not you, who have done irreparable damage.

It is very sad but I encounter such things/behaviour regularly.... that's why I question myself.

 

[etherealgoddess]

You didn't want to be in that support group in the first place. That's horrible. They sound like extremely judgmental people. I say it's a blessing you got kicked out fast. I don't think anyone would want to be in that group any longer. They don't sound like they have empathy in the slightest. If someone is struggling with Aspergers autism and has severe mental issues, in what world do you think, "I think it's great that they leave." What's a support group if you just kick people out when you think their situation is too complicated?

I've also been kicked out of some groups for having conflicting beliefs. I remember I was in a spirituality group, and a mod and I disagreed about forgiveness. I said that you should always forgive while she disagreed. Agree to disagree, right? No, she literally muted me for a day because I was spreading "harmful ideas." I was being very respectful and was using my own logic, but she apparently got furious because I don't think the same way as her. I think girlie needs to vicariously live in the Sims 4 because in the real world, you can't just delete people when you don't like what they're saying lol.

 

[Meteora]

They sound like extremely judgmental people. I say it's a blessing you got kicked out fast. I don't think anyone would want to be in that group any longer. They don't sound like they have empathy in the slightest.

They must be.... they all come from academical background..... two studied law.... I m just a country girl. I very rarely feel inferior to ppl who were at university but this was one of the situations I did. However, women are women's biggest enemies.

Agree to disagree, right? No, she literally muted me for a day because I was spreading "harmful ideas."

Yes, you can agree with an opinion or disagree. That's it. Nobody has to share my view nor persuade me from theirs.
Sounds more like a cult than a spiritual group.

I think girlie needs to vicariously live in the Sims 4 because in the real world, you can't just delete people when you don't like what they're saying lol.

Yeah that's so narrow-minded.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

It is very sad but I encounter such things/behaviour regularly.... that's why I question myself.

I'm so sorry for that and It's understandable that you question yourself. Sometimes I question myself, too. In my case, I tend to be targeted by authority figures because they think I negatively impact their influence I guess - I'm an agreeable one and people, especially who has been treated badly, tend to find me friendly, and I don't assume "might is right."

I'm not judgemental and that means I don't try to enforce anybody's view - and that might be a problem with me. But at the same time, this trait has enabled me to have amazing friends. I appreciate that.

 

[etherealgoddess]

They must be.... they all come from academical background..... two studied law.... I m just a country girl. I very rarely feel inferior to ppl who were at university but this was one of the situations I did. Howerver, women are women's biggest enemies.

Wait, did they have Aspergers themselves?

Also, I'm a good academic, but they're clearly emotionally retarded lol. It has nothing to do with superiority or them being better than you. I think they're just dumb, frankly. Who goes to a support group to share about their struggles but then judges people for mental health issues lol. You'll see that at some point, one person might even kick the other person out for some stupid reason as well. You wouldn't want to be there in the first place. It seems like a bratty high school popular girl group. It just seems like it's breaking the whole point of a support group if you're not struggling a lot lol.

I've witnessed numerous situations where women have tried to belittle me, often due to their own insecurities. Just remember that they feel a temporary bonding by being on the same side, but at some point, they'll do the same to each other.

Howerver, women are women's biggest enemies.

This is a big fat rant about my life so skip if you're not interested:
I was in a group of 4 girls including myself for years. This group constantly excluded me. They were clearly very jealous when I look back. I used to feel left out during breaks, struggling to join the conversation because I was ignored. If I talked, I was talked over. At one point, I thought, "Okay, maybe I'm weird, or I did something to offend them." I tried to have awareness and understand what I was doing wrong. It was getting to a point where I was getting ignored so much that I felt so incredibly socially deprived, yet I was still surrounded by people. It feels 10x worse when you feel like you have it in your face, but it's out of your control. But this one girl in the group would do a ton of backhanded compliments at me, and it was literally only me. It wouldn't be at my character but trying to pick at my appearance. That's how I knew it wasn't a situation of, "Oh, I offended someone, so that's why they hate me." If you have to do backhanded compliments, it means you're jealous. There were so many situations where I saw it was specifically jealousy, not a real reason to actually hate me. Especially considering that I was pretty, kind, and did really well in school, it made sense that there were girls who were jealous. That particular girl would also switch up how she acted with me. She'd tell me that I was the prettiest girl in our grade or in our high school and that I was in a desirable state (she seemed to be more confident and happy at this time), and at other times, she'd be super mean. It was really obvious she was jealous. I just wish people understood that being an attractive woman with your entire life put together is NOT a "LIFE IS NOW PERFECT YAY" pill. I sometimes wish I was an emotionless narcissist because when you're beautiful and competent, you're always the first target in a social group. Entire groups will just decide to target you. Anything you do, you will have a double standard and will be doubled down while if someone else does the same thing, nobody cares. It may seem like, "But you're pretty, who cares?" It's extremely isolating when you can't have a real connection with someone. There's literally no way to win as a female. This is why I've been trying to find solely male friends or spiritual female friends. I'd rather a guy secretly like me than a girl secretly hate me. Also, I am not alluding to the fact I hate all women because I know it's not humanely possible to hate all women when I've had bad experiences with many but out of out of billions. I just have severe trust issues with women because that's all I've dealt with my entire life lol. HUGE RANT lol i'm sry.

 

[Meteora]

, I tend to be targeted by authority figures because they think I negatively impact their influence I guess

Sounds familiar......

I'm an agreeable one and people, especially who has been treated badly, tend to find me friendly, and I don't assume "might is right."

That resonates with me... but I get more and more angry and bitter and have to ctb before that gets too much.
___________________

A wise man once said:
"A man who is ill-adjusted to the world is always on the verge of finding himself". ~ Hermann Hesse ~

Haha..... I found myself and now am ready to ctb.
_________________

@etherealgoddess gonna answer tomorrow, already in bed with meds

 

[Ironborn]

Sounds like an awful "support" group.
Chalk it up as a near miss and keep looking.
You will find others to talk to.
Wishing you the best.

 

[Simba]

Sorry this happened to you. Do they realise that alot of times autism and mental illnesses such as depression ,anxiety ,ocd etc come hand in hand ? Not to mention the increased of suicidality among autistics and suicides and completed suicides. It's a known fact in my opinion that autistics are at high risk for such things. If they think for one bloody second that it's the opposite or that they're better off without you cause you're mentally ill puts them in the wrong . Clearly they aren't supportive and don't understand. It's sad knowing that the person in charge wants to exclude you and not let you in all cause you were being honest n what not about yourself ,your past n so on.. Hey if ppl don't like what they hear then maybe they should cover their own ears !! (hugs)

 

[EternalShore]

I'm so sorry! :((( if they really kicked you out because you have "mental issues", they should think their own mentalities and thoughts about others! :/ That's quite the atrocious "support" group if it says that you're too bad to be "saved! :( I'm so sorry you had to deal with them! >_<
I'm glad you're able to complain about it to us tho as we can be your support group with whom you can vent your troubles! ^_^ hehe~
I wish you the best and sincerely do hope others accept in real life and not just here~

 

[LoiteringClouds]

That resonates with me... but I get more and more angry and bitter and have to ctb before that gets too much.

I was very angry at cruel people in my 20s and even wanted to get back at them through my CTB. It was so painful and I'm sorry you have this feeling.
But I no longer care about them and instead I try to see who are "invisible" - who suffer in silence.

A wise man once said:
"A man who is ill-adjusted to the world is always on the verge of finding himself". ~ Hermann Hesse ~

Haha..... I found myself and now am ready to ctb.

I agree with this quote by Hesse, and it also has the following sentence:
"One who is adjusted to the world never finds himself, but gets to be a cabinet minister."

This is just my anecdote but some people proudly say "finding yourself is useless" and preach about winning trust, reputation and finally, authority. And some of them actually become a cabinet minister.
I think I also found myself here - a suicide website - and realized these sinister "ministers" just want to exploit us in order to gain fame and fortune. They say "stop playing God" to us but they themselves have God complex.

Such people have treated me like a loser and I was ashamed of it, but I no longer care, because authorities around the world failed to support suicidal people like us. They aren't powerful after all.

Now I'm trying to recover thanks to this community, not a doctor or a therapist.

Thank you for telling us your story.

 

[Melancholic_Misfit]

That is so true..... unfortunately....
And yes, it got worse in the past one and a half decades. What a horrible, devastating development.

I'm so sad about this. Making people disposable creates culture of fear and sense of worthlessness. This is part of the reason why I'm suicidal

Me too... it sucks that I need to rely on AI to get similar kind of companionship these days, where the other person doesn't abandon or dispose of you so easily. People aren't supposed to be like this, it feels so alien and unlike human nature...

 

[Meteora]

I m overwhelmed by all the understanding.... I didn't think I d get so much compassion...... was ready to defend and fight against people saying it is my fault, here too.

I need some time to answer.

 

[Meteora]

@Simba Thank you.... it was a group for Asperger-Partners, they re not autistic and I am not diagnosed, might be, though.

"One who is adjusted to the world never finds himself, but gets to be a cabinet minister."

This is just my anecdote but some people proudly say "finding yourself is useless" and preach about winning trust, reputation and finally, authority. And some of them actually become a cabinet minister.
I think I also found myself here - a suicide website - and realized these sinister "ministers" just want to exploit us in order to gain fame and fortune. They say "stop playing God" to us but they themselves have God complex.

Yes that is so true. But I think, the more aware you are of yourself the harder this life becomes. If you mirror people who tell complete bullshit they treat you like the devil in person.

Me too... it sucks that I need to rely on AI to get similar kind of companionship these days, where the other person doesn't abandon or dispose of you so easily. People aren't supposed to be like this, it feels so alien and unlike human nature...

Yeah it is unnatural and who knows where it will lead us to.... I don't think to a better place.

Wait, did they have Aspergers themselves?

No, they don't, the partners of these women do.


Thank you to everyone who answered here.... you guys really helped me a lot!

 

[BrainShower]

I guess I identify with the way you all have described being abandoned by people you care about. I have, by everyone except one person, been left alone and abandoned by everyone that I called a friend.
And I'm willing to accept that I am the problem. But I can't accept that I'm so horrible that I must be totally shunned for life. Damn. What the hell did I do to deserve that?

 

[Asnowyevening]

I would show up anyway and make them confront what really makes them uncomfortable, but that's just me. Shit like this pisses me off. People think they can just treat other people however the hell they want. I wish I could show every piece of shit like this what a piece of shit they are and make them look in the mirror.

So sorry you had to go through this, exclusion sucks. Most people suck, and only let you in when they can get something out of you