Goodbye

[EndlessNameless]

I had a horrible life in general.
I was adopted after birth because both of my parents were mentally ill, and I, myself, have inerithed a mental illness.
At school, I was treated like dirt, and punched and laughed at every day for four years. At the age of seventeen, I started to react, I was angry, and I was kicked out of school. Ever since, life became even worse. I couldn't find a job because of no high school degree. My mental illness became worse. A person I cared for died recently. My adoptive dad himself became ill when he had a stroke, and is now in terrible conditions and about to die. I have attempted suicide in many occasions, but always failed. However, I found a way now. I made an attempt an hour ago, and it worked, I was about to pass out, and I was so happy. I'm relieved now. I'm tired and ready to go. Tomorrow is the day. Thank you for reading, goodbye.

 

[miguel6565]

i hope you can find peace

 

[Anonymoussn]

What's your method? Since you said you were about to pass out during your attempt earlier, I'm guessing maybe partial suspension or something?

 

[EndlessNameless]

What's your method? Since you said you were about to pass out during your attempt earlier, I'm guessing maybe partial suspension or something?

Yes, I found the correct way

 

[miguel6565]

What's your method? Since you said you were about to pass out during your attempt earlier, I'm guessing maybe partial suspension or something?

It was partial,now SN

 

[EndlessNameless]

i hope you can find peace

Thank you

 

[Ghost2211]

I hope you find the peace you're seeking. Sending you love and hugs.

 

[metalgarurumon]

I hope you find peace.

 

[EndlessNameless]

No, no goodbye.

Answer this, how old are you?

About to be 21

 

[WFJ74]

I'm incredibly sorry for your suffering and pain. If you choose to leave, I hope you go peacefully and rest well. Though I hope you choose to stay and keep talking with us.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Goodbye, friend. While I wish you could recover from this situation, I hope you find peace.

 

[WatermelonMel]

No, no goodbye.

Answer this, how old are you?

Why does that matter? It's not relevant.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

No, no goodbye.

Answer this, how old are you?

Please be respectful. Nobody is too young to ctb, and while you can encourage him to live it is not fair to refuse to say goodbye simply because of his age.

 

[leiche]

i absolutely understand you and i hope you'll find peace

 

[Deleted member 17949]

You're only 21 mate, killing yourself is a waste at this age.

Yeah I get it, your life has sucked. I don't deny that and you're going through a lot of heartache right now which I sympathize with. It really sucks.

But seriously dude you're too young to do this to yourself.

You say you can't get a job because you don't have a high school degree.

I propose this to you. How about instead of killing yourself you dedicate yourself to getting a GED (or whatever the equivalent is in your country). Study online and pass the exam so you have the equivalent of a high school degree, then try to get a job. It will be a lot easier with a high school degree to get a job (may not be easy, but much more possible than without having one).

You can do it no matter how much you want to tell yourself that you're not smart enough. I get that the bullying you received as a kid has probably flattened your self esteem to the point that you think you aren't smart enough to get a degree. That's bullshit though, you can study online and get a high school degree/equivalent. You CAN do it.

Instead of killing yourself tomorrow, start turning your life around by studying for the GED (or whatever in your country). Don't have the discipline/focus to sit for long periods of time and read? Fine, then start small. Start by studying 1 hour a day. You'd be surprised how much you can learn/how fast you can improve along with your confidence by being disciplined and studying every day for 1 hour. 1 hour isn't long at all, you can do it.

Oh yeah also to all the people who are thinking or saying to themselves "Pro lifer! Anti choice" no, fuck you.

OP, don't kill yourself tomorrow. Give yourself a chance and try to get a GED. Seriously just try, what's the worst that can happen? What if you can get a GED and then you get a job? Then killing yourself clearly was not worth it because at this age it isn't worth it.

Don't do it OP.

You are, whether you mean to or not, being incredibly invalidating to OP's experience here. What you're asking for is for him to start on a large self-improvement task that would take a lot of effort and span a long period of time. If he is depressed he may have a very hard time doing such a thing. I would love to see him do what you're suggesting, but telling him that he is wasting himself by dying and that it's the wrong choice is ignoring a lot of the core problems he may be struggling with. He may not be able or willing to push himself in this way.

I can relate to parts of this situation myself. I am 18 and struggling with my education now. People could easily tell me to stop thinking about suicide and go improve my life, but that is more of a struggle than I am willing to go through personally.

 

[Ghost2211]

You're only 21 mate, killing yourself is a waste at this age.

Yeah I get it, your life has sucked. I don't deny that and you're going through a lot of heartache right now which I sympathize with. It really sucks.

But seriously dude you're too young to do this to yourself.

You say you can't get a job because you don't have a high school degree.

I propose this to you. How about instead of killing yourself you dedicate yourself to getting a GED (or whatever the equivalent is in your country). Study online and pass the exam so you have the equivalent of a high school degree, then try to get a job. It will be a lot easier with a high school degree to get a job (may not be easy, but much more possible than without having one).

You can do it no matter how much you want to tell yourself that you're not smart enough. I get that the bullying you received as a kid has probably flattened your self esteem to the point that you think you aren't smart enough to get a degree. That's bullshit though, you can study online and get a high school degree/equivalent. You CAN do it.

Instead of killing yourself tomorrow, start turning your life around by studying for the GED (or whatever in your country). Don't have the discipline/focus to sit for long periods of time and read? Fine, then start small. Start by studying 1 hour a day. You'd be surprised how much you can learn/how fast you can improve along with your confidence by being disciplined and studying every day for 1 hour. 1 hour isn't long at all, you can do it.

Oh yeah also to all the people who are thinking or saying to themselves "Pro lifer! Anti choice" no, fuck you.

OP, don't kill yourself tomorrow. Give yourself a chance and try to get a GED. Seriously just try, what's the worst that can happen? At worst you can't do it which leaves you no worse off than you are now.

However what if you can get a GED (AND YOU CAN DO IT, your depression and self esteem is lying to you, the bullies that bullied you? Fuck them they're morons) and then you get a job? Then killing yourself clearly was not worth it because at this age it isn't worth it.

Don't do it OP.

Age has nothing to do with how poorly life is treated person . Not everyone has opportunities or possibilities, and not everyone has the emotional or physical fortitude to follow through on large plans. Even children will commit suicide because this life can be such crap. Age does not mean you have a bright horizon ahead of you, and it's entirely unsupportive and unkind to bombard somebody with such narrowmindedness.

 

[miguel6565]

You're only 21 mate, killing yourself is a waste at this age.

Yeah I get it, your life has sucked. I don't deny that and you're going through a lot of heartache right now which I sympathize with. It really sucks.

But seriously dude you're too young to do this to yourself.

You say you can't get a j ob because you don't have a high school degree.

I propose this to you. How about instead of killing yourself you dedicate yourself to getting a GED (or whatever the equivalent is in your country). Study online and pass the exam so you have the equivalent of a high school degree, then try to get a job. It will be a lot easier with a high school degree to get a job (may not be easy, but much more possible than without having one).

You can do it no matter how much you want to tell yourself that you're not smart enough. I get that the bullying you received as a kid has probably flattened your self esteem to the point that you think you aren't smart enough to get a degree. That's bullshit though, you can study online and get a high school degree/equivalent. You CAN do it.

Instead of killing yourself tomorrow, start turning your life around by studying for the GED (or whatever in your country). Don't have the discipline/focus to sit for long periods of time and read? Fine, then start small. Start by studying 1 hour a day. You'd be surprised how much you can learn/how fast you can improve along with your confidence by being disciplined and studying every day for 1 hour. 1 hour isn't long at all, you can do it.

Oh yeah also to all the people who are thinking or saying to themselves "Pro lifer! Anti choice" no, fuck you.

OP, don't kill yourself tomorrow. Give yourself a chance and try to get a GED. Seriously just try, what's the worst that can happen? At worst you can't do it which leaves you no worse off than you are now.

However what if you can get a GED (AND YOU CAN DO IT, your depression and self esteem is lying to you, the bullies that bullied you? Fuck them they're morons) and then you get a job? Then killing yourself clearly was not worth it because at this age it isn't worth it.

Don't do it OP.

Im 18 and going to ctb in 3 months,no one is too young to ctb,i understand death and know even if things get better all problems i have wont be gone,improvement isnt a viable option if you are depressed,its difficult to stay alive,saying to somebody he/she is to young to ctb isnt a good answer to all the problems he/she may have

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Aside from suicide, my advice about the diploma is that it's not insurmountable. Not sure where you live, but I'm from the US and I've had tons of jobs, and no one ever asked for a copy of any diploma, high school or college. Lie about having a high school diploma if that's what you need to get a job. If they ask for proof, apply somewhere else. I'm not a fan of lying, but if that's what you need to do to survive, a high school diploma is to me not that big of a deal. If you're motivated to later on, get a GED.

 

[XYZ]

You're only 21 mate, killing yourself is a waste at this age.

Yeah I get it, your life has sucked. I don't deny that and you're going through a lot of heartache right now which I sympathize with. It really sucks.

But seriously dude you're too young to do this to yourself.

You say you can't get a job because you don't have a high school degree.

I propose this to you. How about instead of killing yourself you dedicate yourself to getting a GED (or whatever the equivalent is in your country). Study online and pass the exam so you have the equivalent of a high school degree, then try to get a job. It will be a lot easier with a high school degree to get a job (may not be easy, but much more possible than without having one).

You can do it no matter how much you want to tell yourself that you're not smart enough. I get that the bullying you received as a kid has probably flattened your self esteem to the point that you think you aren't smart enough to get a degree. That's bullshit though, you can study online and get a high school degree/equivalent. You CAN do it.

Instead of killing yourself tomorrow, start turning your life around by studying for the GED (or whatever in your country). Don't have the discipline/focus to sit for long periods of time and read? Fine, then start small. Start by studying 1 hour a day. You'd be surprised how much you can learn/how fast you can improve along with your confidence by being disciplined and studying every day for 1 hour. 1 hour isn't long at all, you can do it.

Oh yeah also to all the people who are thinking or saying to themselves "Pro lifer! Anti choice" no, fuck you.

OP, don't kill yourself tomorrow. Give yourself a chance and try to get a GED. Seriously just try, what's the worst that can happen? At worst you can't do it which leaves you no worse off than you are now.

However what if you can get a GED (AND YOU CAN DO IT, your depression and self esteem is lying to you, the bullies that bullied you? Fuck them they're morons) and then you get a job? Then killing yourself clearly was not worth it because at this age it isn't worth it.

Don't do it OP.

This is disturbing. If this not a violation of the forum rules, I don't know what is. The rules clearly state users should neither encourage nor discourage suicide, but respect the individual's right to choose.


Any mods on duty?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@waterbottleman, this is what Hasssssuùuu posted on the thread of a younger member who got guilt-tripped by pro-lifers. Not sure where you're coming from on this, but I do hope you'll back down.

hey,

sorry to hear about what you're going through, and i hope you take you're time in thinking about such a decision. regardless, hope you find peace.

just a reminder for users on such threads. please refrain from using age during the discussions of ctb, as a way in guilt-tripping and making a member think twice about their decisions.

i understand that theres empathetic intent to such approaches. however, people need to realize this is extremely counter productive. younger members including myself (being 20) come onto the site, hoping this is an environment thats free of any judgement and criticism of ANY kind. the last thing we'd like is for some members to act like the very same people we try and escape from, in the real world. focusing in on age and telling another member that it gets better and what not, is something we've heard 1938393838 times. it doesn't help, it never will. that isn't the way to help, it makes the entire situation worse and makes OP feel worse.

the point is theres always better ways in providing empathetic support than to simply focus in on a persons age and undermine their maturity. it makes us feel less of a person, invalidates what were going through because of age, etc. its counter productive. all we want is TO BE HEARD, VALIDATED, AND UNDERSTOOD. and this forum will always be an environment thats free of any judgement or criticism towards anyone for anything at all.

if you do feel otherwise, that's completely fine. however, for the sake of OP and the thread itself, refrain from posting such comments about age and selectively targetting younger members, it isn't fair for OP to feel worse and invalidated, nor does the thread invite such discussions.

just a reminder, warnings and possible bans will apply for users that continue to engage in such a manner. it isn't fair to other younger members to feel excluded and invalidated.

take care.

 

[Ghost2211]

Yeah I am being dismissive because I'm old enough to know that it is stupid to kill yourself when you are so young. You and the OP included by the way. You're only 18 as well, your entire life will change in ways in the next couple of years that you cannot possibly fathom. I know because I'm a decade older than you. If you kill yourself that will be a huge waste and loss as well and I couldn't care less if that offends you. It's the truth and someone needs to tell you that in a blunt manner because it is true.

I don't give a damn if I'm hurting people's feelings writing this. Saving someone who has their whole life ahead of them is well worth it.

I'm not invalidating anyone's experiences, anyone's feelings, I'm not saying that you aren't allowed or that your feelings of suicide are invalid, they are totally valid. What I am saying though is that when you're as young as you and the OP are you guys have the most valuable asset in the entire universe, you have time on your side. Anything can happen at this stage in your life, you're too young to see that but everyone who is my age or older knows this.

"People could easily tell me to stop thinking about suicide and go improve my life"

I'm not telling you or the OP to stop thinking about suicide, or that "you have nothing to be suicidal about at this age." That's not what I'm saying at all.

What I am saying though is your feelings are valid, your bad experiences are valid, your suicidal ideation is valid and I sympathize with it all. However taking the actual step of suicide at this stage so early in your life when anything can happen is simply dumb and not worth it.

So by your standards when is someone "old enough" to choose to die?

 

[PJFord]

This thread's content reminds me of the recent PSA campaign against gay kids killing themselves, "It Gets Better." You know, whether one is gay or straight, sometimes it doesn't. I'm 56 and my life has been a constant struggle, like two steps forward, one step back. While I've had some successes and nice people around me, soon enough the negative aspects come rushing back. I'm tired of fighting and constantly being kept down. While there is a 35 year age difference between the OP and me, it doesn't matter. We come to the realization of the path we are to take at different times. I appreciate WaterBottle's outreach, but ultimately this is Endless's decision.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I wish you peace in whatever you decide.

 

[redbutterfly]

who the fuck thinks 21 is a young age when you suffer every day

 

[almostnohopeleft.]

dang are we all teenagers lol

Im 18 and going to ctb in 3 months,no one is too young to ctb,i understand death and know even if things get better all problems i have wont be gone,improvement isnt a viable option if you are depressed,its difficult to stay alive,saying to somebody he/she is to young to ctb isnt a good answer to all the problems he/she may have

 

[miguel6565]

dang are we all teenagers lol

A big part of ss are young people

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

All of you criticizing me for my comments are dead wrong.

Not changing my mind, will continue to tell people to not kill themselves if they're young enough that they can do so much with their lives.

That isn't "dismissive" it's just the truth and someone needs to say it on a suicide forum where someone has written a post saying they're going to kill themselves tomorrow.

I'm not talking down at young people dismissing them as naive/dumb. I wish I was that young again but I'm not. You guys have time to turn the boat around.

OP don't kill yourself. Seriously don't.

Study online and get a GED, then try to get a job and see if it works. Seriously fuck it, just try it and see what happens.

Are you really @waterbottleman or someone using his account? Since you've come back, you've been really aggressive. Not the gentle person I remember and missed.

And according to @Hasssssuùuu's post, in this environment, you are the one who is in the wrong, such that posts like yours to the OP can result in warnings and bans.

 

[redbutterfly]

just try it

its insane how often i have heard this in my life

 

[redbutterfly]

Yeah and?

What's your point?

Some people try and fail, other people try and succeed. Just because you may fail when trying that doesn't make trying not worth it.

He's only 21 and could easily improve his situation by getting a GED which would make it a lot easier to get a job. He explicitly said a big reason for his suicide would be a problem that he can easily fix and will lose literally nothing for trying to fix it.

It's not like by trying to get a GED there's a risk involved and he will end up worse off if he fails. There is literally no risk to trying.

Yeah TRY IT, what does he have to lose if he tries?

you sound like someone just advertising online education

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm really sad to say this, but @waterbottleman has taken over the thread with aggression and negating the OP, who is an adult.

@Marquis
@Hasssssuùuu
@RainAndSadness
@angel-of-the-night