B4mbi
Melly
- Nov 11, 2022
- 77
I've just taken my sn.
It's the perfect day to be alone. I just got off call with my tutors from my dance school, and I'm failing the program. I really thought that when I got a spot on this course I could finally have a chance to be something better than I am. My sister who brought me up half way and the staff at the care homes, even my boyfriend all expect me to be something better than I am. they say that I've crawled through the sewers and somehow come out clean, but that's just this facade I put on, that I'm this all capable person and I even put on a fake voice to try and cope with what I really am which is a pathetic waste of a person. I can't be what they want me to be. I'm not a prodigy to be made an example out of just because I go to uni and the others from the care homes didn't. The people at my uni know this so they treat me how I deserve which is to be ignored. But since the others actually believe my pathetic lies they won't listen to me when I start to crack and tell them I can't do this, I'm failing and I'm humiliated. The only person who would understand is my mum who was exactly right about me, telling me to quit ballet and to grow up and face the facts. We haven't spoken in 5 years but at least she was honest with me. I'm stuck and tired of being told to "push on" and that "I'm making a mistake if I stop". I just can't. Now pathetically I am writing this for all of you when I haven't even contributed to this website at all, I am truly a selfish pathetic waste of space and I'm letting my wants get the better of me by speaking out into the ether when I know none of this matters. There are children dying, animals are being tortured alive, one day the sun will explode and the world doesn't need people like me who only takes and doesn't give. At least I can do one last decent thing by ctb.
I always had the dream that my heaven would look like wild strawberry fields, and now I have myself to blame that I can never get there.
It's the perfect day to be alone. I just got off call with my tutors from my dance school, and I'm failing the program. I really thought that when I got a spot on this course I could finally have a chance to be something better than I am. My sister who brought me up half way and the staff at the care homes, even my boyfriend all expect me to be something better than I am. they say that I've crawled through the sewers and somehow come out clean, but that's just this facade I put on, that I'm this all capable person and I even put on a fake voice to try and cope with what I really am which is a pathetic waste of a person. I can't be what they want me to be. I'm not a prodigy to be made an example out of just because I go to uni and the others from the care homes didn't. The people at my uni know this so they treat me how I deserve which is to be ignored. But since the others actually believe my pathetic lies they won't listen to me when I start to crack and tell them I can't do this, I'm failing and I'm humiliated. The only person who would understand is my mum who was exactly right about me, telling me to quit ballet and to grow up and face the facts. We haven't spoken in 5 years but at least she was honest with me. I'm stuck and tired of being told to "push on" and that "I'm making a mistake if I stop". I just can't. Now pathetically I am writing this for all of you when I haven't even contributed to this website at all, I am truly a selfish pathetic waste of space and I'm letting my wants get the better of me by speaking out into the ether when I know none of this matters. There are children dying, animals are being tortured alive, one day the sun will explode and the world doesn't need people like me who only takes and doesn't give. At least I can do one last decent thing by ctb.
I always had the dream that my heaven would look like wild strawberry fields, and now I have myself to blame that I can never get there.
