OnceThougtTwiceDone
Student
- Apr 15, 2023
- 156
Hello. I'm going to be partially suspending this weekend. And I wanted to tell you a timeline of my suicide. Please take note that I'm only including very important parts of the timeline.
2014 - Felt like I was female, didn't know what trans was.
2018 - Had minor thoughts of suicide
2019 - Diagnosed with "SPD" you may look it up if you want to know what it was
2019 - During a Thanksgiving party with a friend whos dad owns a restaurant we went to. We got to go in the places where most people can't go, I went into a room even though no one was going there, and what I thought was the floor was a fake ceiling which I fell through 10-13 feet.
2019 - Diagnosed with PTSD and Anxiety, both mostly based off of safety.
2019 - Had major thoughts of suicide, planned yet never done.
2019 - Got a new house, which I had a really rough time getting used to.
2020 - Realized I might be trans.
2020 - Left school, became homeschooled since it was a school with a lot of stairs and bad ice care (I live in Michigan, so during winters it is pretty important.)
2020 - Started to feel a bit better, around the end of summer.
2020 - Felt better, around the end of autumn.
2021 - Thought a tiny bit about suicide, at the very end of winter.
2022 - Felt a lot more pressure, still not sure why at the start of summer.
2022 - Lost a lot of friends, 7 to be exact.
2022 - At school we had an active shooter drill, which since I still have safety anxiety it really scared me.
2022 - Grandma really unsupportive of me being trans, somehow my grandpa who really likes Trump is supportive though.
2023 - Found out my friend wants to kill them.
2023 - REALLY wanted to kill myself all of the sudden (probably part of it is my friend being suicidal)
2023 - Joined this site, took two attempts since the first time my reason was definitely lazy "Isn't it obvious? I want to die." was it.
2023 - Made this post.
One of the main reasons I think my suicidal thoughts progressed from a 2 to a 10 within 3 weeks is because I was already suicidal, and now I'm worried if I continue I'll be at this point yet again (as in 3 weeks ago)
Thank you for listening to me, and I hope that if you too get this far, it'll be a successful attempt, as well as for mine.
Goodbye, hopefully.
2014 - Felt like I was female, didn't know what trans was.
2018 - Had minor thoughts of suicide
2019 - Diagnosed with "SPD" you may look it up if you want to know what it was
2019 - During a Thanksgiving party with a friend whos dad owns a restaurant we went to. We got to go in the places where most people can't go, I went into a room even though no one was going there, and what I thought was the floor was a fake ceiling which I fell through 10-13 feet.
2019 - Diagnosed with PTSD and Anxiety, both mostly based off of safety.
2019 - Had major thoughts of suicide, planned yet never done.
2019 - Got a new house, which I had a really rough time getting used to.
2020 - Realized I might be trans.
2020 - Left school, became homeschooled since it was a school with a lot of stairs and bad ice care (I live in Michigan, so during winters it is pretty important.)
2020 - Started to feel a bit better, around the end of summer.
2020 - Felt better, around the end of autumn.
2021 - Thought a tiny bit about suicide, at the very end of winter.
2022 - Felt a lot more pressure, still not sure why at the start of summer.
2022 - Lost a lot of friends, 7 to be exact.
2022 - At school we had an active shooter drill, which since I still have safety anxiety it really scared me.
2022 - Grandma really unsupportive of me being trans, somehow my grandpa who really likes Trump is supportive though.
2023 - Found out my friend wants to kill them.
2023 - REALLY wanted to kill myself all of the sudden (probably part of it is my friend being suicidal)
2023 - Joined this site, took two attempts since the first time my reason was definitely lazy "Isn't it obvious? I want to die." was it.
2023 - Made this post.
One of the main reasons I think my suicidal thoughts progressed from a 2 to a 10 within 3 weeks is because I was already suicidal, and now I'm worried if I continue I'll be at this point yet again (as in 3 weeks ago)
Thank you for listening to me, and I hope that if you too get this far, it'll be a successful attempt, as well as for mine.
Goodbye, hopefully.
