Venting Goodbye threads are so heartbreaking... Society failed us. (Then long rant)

[Hollowillow]

Pro lifers might think we're monsters encouraging suicide. Because we seem to calmly send our best wishes without trying to stop them. But the truth is that we are heartbroken... so heartbroken that we understand why and respect the decision... but we still cry.

I tried to tell myself that successful goodbyes meant hope for me to ctb too... But... The truth is that it's so heartbreaking sad... Especially after someone screamed "I want to live"... I think we all do. But feel forced to die...

I we've been abused, then even more by the mental "care" system...

I'm in physical pain, then even more broken by bad diagnosis of "insanity" invaludating my pain, emotions, reason, personality and my life! Health "care" who want to get rich with drugs, not to find causes and cure by teaching life style changes...

People forced to die to avoid homelessness...

People so unloved all theur lives they don't know how to do self love.

People so exploited that they think self care & rest makes them selfish. They don't even have the right to die of a fatal disease...

We're not suicidal... We're tortured by a system that was supposed to be about solidarity... We want to stop hurting... But we ran out of options.

I called for help and received threats. I was ready to do anything to solve the problem and I was told I'm the problem

What choice do I have then but to take myself out?

Suffer agony & humiliation while unable to enjoy life?

I want to live... But I can't... I want to die but I can't .. I cry and envy those who do... Both of it...

I just need a hug, someone who care enough to listen. Shame on society's pro life services fir not being the ones to give me compassion! Shame on them for trying to take SS away!!!

Perhaps someday they will understand... There are things far worse than death...

Life itself is precious... But life can be hell... Instead to force us to stay in hell they should try to help us solve problems. Instead to drug our emotions they should comfort them. They should help us find a reason to live or at least try to understand our reasons that we're unable to

I can't do hobbies if my brain is literally on fire... If I want to scream & pass out from the pain. If I'm so hurt I'm scared to call for help.

I cry... I cry for those who die...

But I understand... I hope they're free.

I love you beautiful kind people. It's like we found the edge of the universe, looking into the dark void... But by being there for each other, it's less scary ... And for those who step forward into the end, thanks to you it's less lonely.

Thank you for letting me be negative, for letting me share my reality, for letting me be me...

I'm sorry for the dumb things I say... I hope that sometimes it can comfort you the way you comfort me.

I wish I could confirm to positive happy sunshine. But not without adressing traumad & fixing problems that cause physical pain... My problem could have been helped months of agony ago. But it was easier for them to dismiss, mock & threaten me... To add more steps to administrative procedures to make it harder on me...

I'd rather die than be trapped in an administration maze, banging my head on the wall... While I'm being looked down in with despise... Hearing people laugh in paychiatry while I cried, refusing to hear me. That "help" made me want to die. But your encouragements to commit suicide if I truly wish... Makes me want to live another day.

Sometimes I spend all day here... Helping me through pain & despair 1 minute at a time ... Giving me hope as you teach me about ways out... a meager consolation compared to saving my life with solutions... But still an utmost precious consolation.

It's a shame that there are more people here willing to help me die than pro lifers out there willing to help us find ways to survive...

We could all be saved... In a kinder world... We could all be happy...

So I cry... When people say goodbye... That we couldn't protect our friends... But I would not force a painful life on someone to deny my failure...

I wish I could save all of you, heal your heart, help you fulfill your needs... But I can't even for myself.

I want to at least find the courage to hear you and open my heart to feel your pain... To feel you... To at least withness your life as it struggles to stay bright, but the light tiredly goes dark... I do not want to fear or shame the dark. It's like a blanket of genuine truth... Like a satin bond instead of a cold chain...

I never felt closer to people... We're like one... And even when a stranger dies a part of me dies with them... Softly... Like a sad poem... But a beautiful one.

I think that this site is a sacred place. Humbling.

Thank you for the privilege to see your light into the darkness.

I wish we could gently blow each other's candles, after living everything we wished, after helping each other solve problems & grow...

I think the path to reach this place... Made people wiser than most. I don't think their life was wasted... There us just a limit to how many hard teachings a soul can bear...

I wish I could just spend my time in ignorant bluss then go suddently if a coffee & overwork induced heart attack. But then I wouldn't have found the best people that I have ever known. I have never seen a place with so much respect.

I wish I could be saved, to repair my mistakes. Surprizingly my heart felt love again, after decades, for a good friend here. I never thought I'd feel affection again, even less have it returned to me. If I try to bond faking positivity, it's shallow. But bonding over a mutual understanding of a deep pain... It's deep to the core... Deep like the pain... I wonder if pain helps us bond on purpose... Not just to avoid losing limbs, but to see each other's value with empathy.

I wish I had less pain. But I don't regret seeing the abyss, for this is where I met all of you.

I hope that we can be saved one way or another. Until then thank you so much for this place to help each other hold on. Only people who knows pain can truly understand... Only someone willing to go into the abyss can truly reach someone list in it.

Thank you. I wish you peace. I wish society allowed a peaceful passing by alliwing N injections, instead of dying in vomit with SN... It's like doing self abortions with coat hangers... I thought we were evolving but they restarted making abortion illegal. Birthing unloved unwanted neglected abused babies, who will become insane from it, or often criminals to survive... Instead to proling life & look good in statistics, we should improve the quality. Even it it means shorter life, euthanasia for the wiling, abortions, less babies to have enough homes for all... At least...

Instead of a war on drugs while giving psych drugs like candy... We should prevent traumas... And help heal... Instead to blame the victim so they don't have to feel guilty to refuse to feel empathy & share their pain. Even social services do it.

Getting a job is so strict, firing someone homeless is cruel... We must work like 3 people to make profits, while getting burned out. Not even any energy left after work to play...

Slavery... To gain more than we can do... But greed went too far... We don't even eat real food...

A toxic zoo, a mad house of death... It's the ones who want out that are the wisest. I saw such intelligence here I couldn't keep up...

Such complex ways to die, to build a gas mask or complex euthsnasia recipe... But pro lifers still think we're irrational maniacs with zero impulse control... It's precisely because they invaludate who we are that I want out... More abuse won't make it right... Trying up, locking up, drugging someone to force them alive... Won't make the victim of assault happier to live in such a cruel world. Not believing our suffering doesn't solve it, it just takes the hope away to be heard by someone who knows how to fix it...

My own failures & being inadequate... The world made it clear that I am unwanted, so why do they force me to stay?

Such contradiction in me too. I wish I could be saved. But the way I need it. From physical pain. Not from my own mind... A pedophile rapist claimed that it was lovecwhile I begged crying & bleeding... He failed, I clung to a tree... I feel the same disgust about a psychiatrist who claim to be there to help me... But see my brain as the problem not the abuses...

The main problem in this world is a lack of empathy... that comes from experiencingbthe same pain... So maybe the world needs more pain. Or to have it spread equally... Nah less pain but instant death for cruel people? But maybe they were abused victims doing the only thing they've ever known... It's complicated... I'm not sure I'd want to live in a heavenly bliss... But I wish I could get problems I can solve, with help not people getting in the way... I wish I could fix my mistakes...

And my mom's mistake to birth me when she didn't want me... Her hands were too full with 2 kids and a divorce, she didn't need me. Maybe she did to manipulate my dad to stay... It didn't work a 3rd time. So to her I was a failure before being born...

I tried to forge my own path but I couldn't compensate for the way I was forged.

I wish I had a guide to save my life. But social services would rather invalidate it. It's worse than nothing to be kicked while down.

But a guide to find peace in death is better than nothing. Thank you.

How do I add a venting tag? (Found it)

 

[rainysummer]

i know what you mean. suicide is the ultimate bittersweet, although it's mostly bitter. one of my friends has had a particularly hellish life, has been in treatment for a long time, and the doctors say the odds of it getting better are slim to none, so she's probably going to kill herself, and even though i know that if i'm being painfully honest with myself it's probably the best thing for her, i still don't want to see her die. maybe it's selfish but it's so unbearably frustrating to see the injustice of such a beautiful person having her whole life stolen from her for no good reason, and so i don't want to see her go, i want her to hold out because i want to see her have the happiness she deserves. i want every suicidal person to. i think that's a large part of why most people push so hard against suicide. but i know better. i have lived enough to know that, horribly enough, sometimes suicide is the best out of a series of bad options. best of luck and lots of love <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I just envy those who have left this world as they cannot suffer anymore. I don't see death as being sad. Those who are gone are at peace. Life is what is sad instead. Non existence is ideal as it is freedom from what causes our problems in the first place, which is life itself. But thank you for sharing your words. It really should be easier to die. It's so cruel and unfair trying to force people to live against their wishes. In an ideal world we would all be able to exit in a peaceful and reliable way.

 

[rationaltake]

I'm sorry you've suffered and been so badly treated. Your writing is poetic. You're a talented person. Thank you.

 

[MindFrog]

The more time I spent living, the more I can't help but feel like we are just cattle.

Forced to exist and work until you drop dead. There is no mercy in the process, only suffering. And you can't do anything about it.

I feel the same way everytime I read goodbye posts. Feeling so helpless and after a few years, just jaded. Wishing for peace and lending your ear can only do so much after all. I wish I can take the pain away but there's just so much.

It shouldn't be like this. People shouldn't have to resort to this. But what other choice do we have?

 

[Hope:-)]

A lot of people have gone recently. Sobering.

 

[freedompass]

That's an amazing piece, you express yourself so vividly and passionately. That is a gift. I hope you will keep writing. More importantly perhaps, I hope you are able to find some relief for your pain. The mental health and social services in this country suck. The normals don't have to deal with them but as victims of abuse we're at their mercy and often retraumatised at their hands. Of course the 'well adjusted' ones can never understand.

 

[flightless bird]

This should be pinned.

 

[KlMeNw]

I have my issues with society, but I blame my damaged and defective brain on my ills.

 

[Mofreeko]

I have found goodbye threads to be invaluable for information.

 

[Traveler VII]

Pro lifers might think we're monsters encouraging suicide. Because we seem to calmly send our best wishes without trying to stop them. But the truth is that we are heartbroken... so heartbroken that we understand why and respect the decision... but we still cry.

I tried to tell myself that successful goodbyes meant hope for me to ctb too... But... The truth is that it's so heartbreaking sad... Especially after someone screamed "I want to live"... I think we all do. But feel forced to die...

I we've been abused, then even more by the mental "care" system...

I'm in physical pain, then even more broken by bad diagnosis of "insanity" invaludating my pain, emotions, reason, personality and my life! Health "care" who want to get rich with drugs, not to find causes and cure by teaching life style changes...

People forced to die to avoid homelessness...

People so unloved all theur lives they don't know how to do self love.

People so exploited that they think self care & rest makes them selfish. They don't even have the right to die of a fatal disease...

We're not suicidal... We're tortured by a system that was supposed to be about solidarity... We want to stop hurting... But we ran out of options.

I called for help and received threats. I was ready to do anything to solve the problem and I was told I'm the problem

What choice do I have then but to take myself out?

Suffer agony & humiliation while unable to enjoy life?

I want to live... But I can't... I want to die but I can't .. I cry and envy those who do... Both of it...

I just need a hug, someone who care enough to listen. Shame on society's pro life services fir not being the ones to give me compassion! Shame on them for trying to take SS away!!!

Perhaps someday they will understand... There are things far worse than death...

Life itself is precious... But life can be hell... Instead to force us to stay in hell they should try to help us solve problems. Instead to drug our emotions they should comfort them. They should help us find a reason to live or at least try to understand our reasons that we're unable to

I can't do hobbies if my brain is literally on fire... If I want to scream & pass out from the pain. If I'm so hurt I'm scared to call for help.

I cry... I cry for those who die...

But I understand... I hope they're free.

I love you beautiful kind people. It's like we found the edge of the universe, looking into the dark void... But by being there for each other, it's less scary ... And for those who step forward into the end, thanks to you it's less lonely.

Thank you for letting me be negative, for letting me share my reality, for letting me be me...

I'm sorry for the dumb things I say... I hope that sometimes it can comfort you the way you comfort me.

I wish I could confirm to positive happy sunshine. But not without adressing traumad & fixing problems that cause physical pain... My problem could have been helped months of agony ago. But it was easier for them to dismiss, mock & threaten me... To add more steps to administrative procedures to make it harder on me...

I'd rather die than be trapped in an administration maze, banging my head on the wall... While I'm being looked down in with despise... Hearing people laugh in paychiatry while I cried, refusing to hear me. That "help" made me want to die. But your encouragements to commit suicide if I truly wish... Makes me want to live another day.

Sometimes I spend all day here... Helping me through pain & despair 1 minute at a time ... Giving me hope as you teach me about ways out... a meager consolation compared to saving my life with solutions... But still an utmost precious consolation.

It's a shame that there are more people here willing to help me die than pro lifers out there willing to help us find ways to survive...

We could all be saved... In a kinder world... We could all be happy...

So I cry... When people say goodbye... That we couldn't protect our friends... But I would not force a painful life on someone to deny my failure...

I wish I could save all of you, heal your heart, help you fulfill your needs... But I can't even for myself.

I want to at least find the courage to hear you and open my heart to feel your pain... To feel you... To at least withness your life as it struggles to stay bright, but the light tiredly goes dark... I do not want to fear or shame the dark. It's like a blanket of genuine truth... Like a satin bond instead of a cold chain...

I never felt closer to people... We're like one... And even when a stranger dies a part of me dies with them... Softly... Like a sad poem... But a beautiful one.

I think that this site is a sacred place. Humbling.

Thank you for the privilege to see your light into the darkness.

I wish we could gently blow each other's candles, after living everything we wished, after helping each other solve problems & grow...

I think the path to reach this place... Made people wiser than most. I don't think their life was wasted... There us just a limit to how many hard teachings a soul can bear...

I wish I could just spend my time in ignorant bluss then go suddently if a coffee & overwork induced heart attack. But then I wouldn't have found the best people that I have ever known. I have never seen a place with so much respect.

I wish I could be saved, to repair my mistakes. Surprizingly my heart felt love again, after decades, for a good friend here. I never thought I'd feel affection again, even less have it returned to me. If I try to bond faking positivity, it's shallow. But bonding over a mutual understanding of a deep pain... It's deep to the core... Deep like the pain... I wonder if pain helps us bond on purpose... Not just to avoid losing limbs, but to see each other's value with empathy.

I wish I had less pain. But I don't regret seeing the abyss, for this is where I met all of you.

I hope that we can be saved one way or another. Until then thank you so much for this place to help each other hold on. Only people who knows pain can truly understand... Only someone willing to go into the abyss can truly reach someone list in it.

Thank you. I wish you peace. I wish society allowed a peaceful passing by alliwing N injections, instead of dying in vomit with SN... It's like doing self abortions with coat hangers... I thought we were evolving but they restarted making abortion illegal. Birthing unloved unwanted neglected abused babies, who will become insane from it, or often criminals to survive... Instead to proling life & look good in statistics, we should improve the quality. Even it it means shorter life, euthanasia for the wiling, abortions, less babies to have enough homes for all... At least...

Instead of a war on drugs while giving psych drugs like candy... We should prevent traumas... And help heal... Instead to blame the victim so they don't have to feel guilty to refuse to feel empathy & share their pain. Even social services do it.

Getting a job is so strict, firing someone homeless is cruel... We must work like 3 people to make profits, while getting burned out. Not even any energy left after work to play...

Slavery... To gain more than we can do... But greed went too far... We don't even eat real food...

A toxic zoo, a mad house of death... It's the ones who want out that are the wisest. I saw such intelligence here I couldn't keep up...

Such complex ways to die, to build a gas mask or complex euthsnasia recipe... But pro lifers still think we're irrational maniacs with zero impulse control... It's precisely because they invaludate who we are that I want out... More abuse won't make it right... Trying up, locking up, drugging someone to force them alive... Won't make the victim of assault happier to live in such a cruel world. Not believing our suffering doesn't solve it, it just takes the hope away to be heard by someone who knows how to fix it...

My own failures & being inadequate... The world made it clear that I am unwanted, so why do they force me to stay?

Such contradiction in me too. I wish I could be saved. But the way I need it. From physical pain. Not from my own mind... A pedophile rapist claimed that it was lovecwhile I begged crying & bleeding... He failed, I clung to a tree... I feel the same disgust about a psychiatrist who claim to be there to help me... But see my brain as the problem not the abuses...

The main problem in this world is a lack of empathy... that comes from experiencingbthe same pain... So maybe the world needs more pain. Or to have it spread equally... Nah less pain but instant death for cruel people? But maybe they were abused victims doing the only thing they've ever known... It's complicated... I'm not sure I'd want to live in a heavenly bliss... But I wish I could get problems I can solve, with help not people getting in the way... I wish I could fix my mistakes...

And my mom's mistake to birth me when she didn't want me... Her hands were too full with 2 kids and a divorce, she didn't need me. Maybe she did to manipulate my dad to stay... It didn't work a 3rd time. So to her I was a failure before being born...

I tried to forge my own path but I couldn't compensate for the way I was forged.

I wish I had a guide to save my life. But social services would rather invalidate it. It's worse than nothing to be kicked while down.

But a guide to find peace in death is better than nothing. Thank you.

How do I add a venting tag? (Found it)

Pouring out the the anguished despair of your heart...

"I'm not sure I'd want to live in a heavenly bliss... But I wish I could get problems I can solve"

Thank you so much for saying this - I want this, too.

I am convinced that we and others like us are not merely "troubled" - we're truly "hyper-sane", in that after assessing the many insistent afflictions of this life, we reach the most rational conclusion for our specific circumstances - a dignified and peaceful exit.

Thank you for expressing yourself so beautifully. I wish you and all here the peace that so eludes us.

 

[Final-push123]

That was a wonderful post, it pretty much explains nearly everything I felt to the letter.

The more time I spent living, the more I can't help but feel like we are just cattle.

Forced to exist and work until you drop dead. There is no mercy in the process, only suffering. And you can't do anything about it.

I feel the same way everytime I read goodbye posts. Feeling so helpless and after a few years, just jaded. Wishing for peace and lending your ear can only do so much after all. I wish I can take the pain away but there's just so much.

It shouldn't be like this. People shouldn't have to resort to this. But what other choice do we have?

I noticed this too, we are cattle to the powers that be. We only exist to produce income and fodder for wars. Nothing more, if we can do thoses two things we are throw away like trash let to rot.

Once you see this, it hard to keep going like everything is fine. Even if you are relatively fine