Sparr0w
please feed my pfp crumbs they are begging u
- Jan 24, 2023
- 300
Hi, SS! Sparr0w here!
Sorry about disappearing off into the void for 3 weeks and ghosting all my chat messages, it's slightly complicated.
I wanted to focus on uni stuff, couldn't get myself to do anything, didn't turn anything in, then had a week to myself to really, truly think over my decision… and then my meto arrived, and I decided I wanted to speedrun this shit. My dorm has Cleaning People who come in on wednesday (and my aunt n uncle are coming over for a tour) so the earliest I can do it is thursday. Thus three weeks of being a ghost, lol.
I've done this like 4 times in the past where I don't visit a site with forums for a bit and then I get too nervous about letting people down to come back to it… sigh, just the sparrow cycle I guess.
Apologies to the person who I was gonna partner with, the person I was talking about the semantics of live streaming to (pcloud might be a good encrypted file sharing site, by the way?), the thread I said I was going to do the aquarium test on, and Dr. Sleep! Sadly I have Got To Go Fast and my impatient ass is too anxious to look at my messages! Additional apologies to the LazySloth discord server I left without saying anything, didn't want to spoil the surprise if I failed. Thank you all for talking with me. I really appreciate it.
If I don't respond to this thread going "gfdi canceling scheduled ss posts is annoying as hell", then I've been dead for around 48 hours. I would have caught the bus on thursday, 5pm NZT.
I'm gonna log out of my account after scheduling this post and try to delete it in my mobile browser history and/or uninstall my browser, so hopefully my involvement on this website won't be found.
Specifics:
I am around 5"7 and Skinny, not sure of my weight. Following Stan's Guide, taking 5 (PPC brand) meto over 48 hours (1am, 9am, 5pm, 1am, 9am), 3 meto and max dose pamol (80ml) at the set times, then a glass of approximately 25g IC brand SN in exactly 50ml water at 5pm, with a backup glass. I also would have taken a Kopiko coffee candy after each glass, fasted since my Last Meal (1am thursday, around 16 hours) and dry fasted for at least 3 hours.
(slight update 1am thursday: god, i forgot how much i hated taking pills. are you supposed to dry swallow the last three? i'll probably break my water fast for it and/or see if my liquid pamol helps, lmao. i'm not sure if this or my picky eater ass drinking Foul Liquid will be harder, to be honest.)
I've scheduled an email to be sent to my family at the same time as this post is set to post, meaning if my body hasn't already been found, 111 should be called about now. My suicide note(s) include instructions to post an obituary on my social medias with the phrase "staring at small birds such as sparrows" in it, so you should be able to find it to confirm my death in the next few days, or weeks if they wait until they've got the venue set up.
I wanted to thank you all. Without you, I would have probably tried a method much bloodier or painful. I planned to wait a while longer, but… all my doubts are gone. I'm grateful to all of you who wanted me to live a little longer or to wait until I was out of uni. I've looked inside myself as much as I could, and all I found was a desire to be gone sooner than later, lmao.
(Oh, I should note: this wasn't an impulse decision! The timing kind of was, but I was already planning on offing myself as soon as I could, it was really just me giving myself time to convince myself to back out and reducing that timeframe when I only grew more convinced. I don't think another month would have changed my mind)
Mods, if my account isn't active in the next 3 days after this post is posted, or if my obituary is found, deactivate my account.
To the rest of you… I'll meet the past users of this site, and probably several of the current users, at the end of the bus route. I hope my bus ride is smooth. Think of me whenever you see a sparrow, okay?
Goodbye, Sparr0w.
Sorry about disappearing off into the void for 3 weeks and ghosting all my chat messages, it's slightly complicated.
I wanted to focus on uni stuff, couldn't get myself to do anything, didn't turn anything in, then had a week to myself to really, truly think over my decision… and then my meto arrived, and I decided I wanted to speedrun this shit. My dorm has Cleaning People who come in on wednesday (and my aunt n uncle are coming over for a tour) so the earliest I can do it is thursday. Thus three weeks of being a ghost, lol.
I've done this like 4 times in the past where I don't visit a site with forums for a bit and then I get too nervous about letting people down to come back to it… sigh, just the sparrow cycle I guess.
Apologies to the person who I was gonna partner with, the person I was talking about the semantics of live streaming to (pcloud might be a good encrypted file sharing site, by the way?), the thread I said I was going to do the aquarium test on, and Dr. Sleep! Sadly I have Got To Go Fast and my impatient ass is too anxious to look at my messages! Additional apologies to the LazySloth discord server I left without saying anything, didn't want to spoil the surprise if I failed. Thank you all for talking with me. I really appreciate it.
If I don't respond to this thread going "gfdi canceling scheduled ss posts is annoying as hell", then I've been dead for around 48 hours. I would have caught the bus on thursday, 5pm NZT.
I'm gonna log out of my account after scheduling this post and try to delete it in my mobile browser history and/or uninstall my browser, so hopefully my involvement on this website won't be found.
Specifics:
I am around 5"7 and Skinny, not sure of my weight. Following Stan's Guide, taking 5 (PPC brand) meto over 48 hours (1am, 9am, 5pm, 1am, 9am), 3 meto and max dose pamol (80ml) at the set times, then a glass of approximately 25g IC brand SN in exactly 50ml water at 5pm, with a backup glass. I also would have taken a Kopiko coffee candy after each glass, fasted since my Last Meal (1am thursday, around 16 hours) and dry fasted for at least 3 hours.
(slight update 1am thursday: god, i forgot how much i hated taking pills. are you supposed to dry swallow the last three? i'll probably break my water fast for it and/or see if my liquid pamol helps, lmao. i'm not sure if this or my picky eater ass drinking Foul Liquid will be harder, to be honest.)
I've scheduled an email to be sent to my family at the same time as this post is set to post, meaning if my body hasn't already been found, 111 should be called about now. My suicide note(s) include instructions to post an obituary on my social medias with the phrase "staring at small birds such as sparrows" in it, so you should be able to find it to confirm my death in the next few days, or weeks if they wait until they've got the venue set up.
I wanted to thank you all. Without you, I would have probably tried a method much bloodier or painful. I planned to wait a while longer, but… all my doubts are gone. I'm grateful to all of you who wanted me to live a little longer or to wait until I was out of uni. I've looked inside myself as much as I could, and all I found was a desire to be gone sooner than later, lmao.
(Oh, I should note: this wasn't an impulse decision! The timing kind of was, but I was already planning on offing myself as soon as I could, it was really just me giving myself time to convince myself to back out and reducing that timeframe when I only grew more convinced. I don't think another month would have changed my mind)
Mods, if my account isn't active in the next 3 days after this post is posted, or if my obituary is found, deactivate my account.
To the rest of you… I'll meet the past users of this site, and probably several of the current users, at the end of the bus route. I hope my bus ride is smooth. Think of me whenever you see a sparrow, okay?
Goodbye, Sparr0w.
