I am pretty sad to leave but the current events made me pretty anxious. I think I never did something illegal. I never encouraged suicide, I never talked explicitly about methods and I never sent any sources. Still I am pretty anxious due to NYT article. I cannot sleep well since then. I experienced this forum way differently than how the articles describes it. I often talked about my unavoidable suicide. (I am still pretty sure it is unavoidable.) Many people tried to find a solution with me how to manage life or how I could solve my problems. So they rather wanted me to stop me from suicide. It is a big contrast to this depiction of being a pro-death forum. So many people said to me I should not ctb if I don't want it. Sometimes I even was a little bit annoyed by that. But it was never nearly annoying as the platitudes you hear from professionals or normies.
I also think I helped other people to cope or to stay alive. We tried to stop people from drinking bleach or to self-immolate. When I thought the problems of one person were solvable I said it. I was happy to see some of them recovering.
Though I don't think there is recovery for me. My sixth recovery attempt is currently failing. I don't have much hope anymore. I lose my ways to cope. My friends are a little bit bored by my whining, somatic issues might stop me from gaming and I am not sure if it is safe anymore to be in this forum. I am currently getting more depressed and feeling very lonely. I try to migrate to another suicide forum which is not that controversial. I never thought I would write a Goodbye thread. Even if I commited suicide I would not have done it. It is something very painful and if you return because you are not strong enough you feel like someone who only wanted to get some attention.
I am not sure if I can say forever goodbye to this forum. I am not sure whether I will ever return. I am kind of addicted. To make it clear I won't ctb in the near future. At least this is what I am expecting.
I am a true believer of pro-choice. I hope my government will make a new assisted suicide law. (Poverty and bipolar are my main reasons for my wish to die however there are a lot more.) I think I will try to live with the least pain as possible and try to postpone suicide for a while. I have met so many intelligent, reflected, philosophical, friendly and supportive people on this website. It really hurts to leave. I am so glad I (almost?) never received any harmful and hurtful comments under my posts when I cried about my little desperate and miserable life. I have made much worse experience with other mental health forums. Forums where they call you insane for wanting to have assisted suicide or people who gawk when you talk about suicidality.
I have now for roundabout 10 years longterm suicidality. Many years I had really severe suicidality. Especially the last 5 years. Though I feel a little bit less pain since I found a helpful medication one year ago. I think this forum has no future just as me. There is way too much attention. Many powerful people don't understand how it feels to be suicidal. They don't understand how helpful it is if you have an option to exit this life. So many suicidal people say that and still they do not seem to get it.
I experienced a lot of compassion on this website. In the end I think assisted suicide will become legal in most western/secular countries.
I thought about tagging (@) all the people who supported me on this website. But they were just too many.
I am not sure whether I should let the mods deactivate my account. I will wait with that. Maybe my addiction to this forum is too strong. I think it applies the same rule as when it comes to suicide. It is not a shame to return. At least I hope so.
I wish you all the best. You accompanied me through my journey for a long time. I think I won't answer the replies.
Much love and hugs to you all! And thanks for reading this long (narcissistic? lol) thread.
I also think I helped other people to cope or to stay alive. We tried to stop people from drinking bleach or to self-immolate. When I thought the problems of one person were solvable I said it. I was happy to see some of them recovering.
Though I don't think there is recovery for me. My sixth recovery attempt is currently failing. I don't have much hope anymore. I lose my ways to cope. My friends are a little bit bored by my whining, somatic issues might stop me from gaming and I am not sure if it is safe anymore to be in this forum. I am currently getting more depressed and feeling very lonely. I try to migrate to another suicide forum which is not that controversial. I never thought I would write a Goodbye thread. Even if I commited suicide I would not have done it. It is something very painful and if you return because you are not strong enough you feel like someone who only wanted to get some attention.
I am not sure if I can say forever goodbye to this forum. I am not sure whether I will ever return. I am kind of addicted. To make it clear I won't ctb in the near future. At least this is what I am expecting.
I am a true believer of pro-choice. I hope my government will make a new assisted suicide law. (Poverty and bipolar are my main reasons for my wish to die however there are a lot more.) I think I will try to live with the least pain as possible and try to postpone suicide for a while. I have met so many intelligent, reflected, philosophical, friendly and supportive people on this website. It really hurts to leave. I am so glad I (almost?) never received any harmful and hurtful comments under my posts when I cried about my little desperate and miserable life. I have made much worse experience with other mental health forums. Forums where they call you insane for wanting to have assisted suicide or people who gawk when you talk about suicidality.
I have now for roundabout 10 years longterm suicidality. Many years I had really severe suicidality. Especially the last 5 years. Though I feel a little bit less pain since I found a helpful medication one year ago. I think this forum has no future just as me. There is way too much attention. Many powerful people don't understand how it feels to be suicidal. They don't understand how helpful it is if you have an option to exit this life. So many suicidal people say that and still they do not seem to get it.
I experienced a lot of compassion on this website. In the end I think assisted suicide will become legal in most western/secular countries.
I thought about tagging (@) all the people who supported me on this website. But they were just too many.
I am not sure whether I should let the mods deactivate my account. I will wait with that. Maybe my addiction to this forum is too strong. I think it applies the same rule as when it comes to suicide. It is not a shame to return. At least I hope so.
I wish you all the best. You accompanied me through my journey for a long time. I think I won't answer the replies.
Much love and hugs to you all! And thanks for reading this long (narcissistic? lol) thread.
