Goodbye -CTB tomorrow hopefully

[timetodie24]

I know I've changed the date a few times but this week has made me realise I need to hurry up. I think tomorrow is the day as long as I don't chicken out.

I'll walk to the highway. There's something I have to take and 1 thing I have to do for those in control. Otherwise it'll fail and others won't be protected. Then once at highway, I will wait until there's a gap in traffic and a lorry/truck. I'll then aim myself under wheels of lorry. I know people have issues with this method but have explained my reasons why in previous threads.

It's time , many things have confirmed that and I feel ready.

Thank you to those who have been kind and understanding. Thank you for the support. Especially those who stuck by me no matter how annoying I was. I appreciate you all.

Take care and I wish you all peace

 

[Praestat_Mori]

 

[1043169]

I wish you a safe and peaceful journey.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I know I've changed the date a few times but this week has made me realise I need to hurry up. I think tomorrow is the day as long as I don't chicken out.

Hello @timetodie24,
It seems that you can't wait anymore,
And finally decided your date -
I'm so sorry for this cruel fate.

Though I can't support your way to go,
I can't stop you either, it's your choice.
I believe, you know what I don't know -
So, please know that you have a voice.

It's like trapped in a burning building -
So may you escape - may you gain wings.
May you attain peace you need -
@timetodie24, Godspeed

 

[timetodie24]

It is a reason to be happy , no tears !

I wish you a safe and peaceful journey.

Thank you

Hello @timetodie24,
It seems that you can't wait anymore,
And finally decided your date -
I'm so sorry for this cruel fate.

Though I can't support your way to go,
I can't stop you either, it's your choice.
I believe, you know what I don't know -
So, please know that you have a voice.

It's like trapped in a burning building -
So may you escape - may you gain wings.
May you attain peace you need -
@timetodie24, Godspeed

Thank you for your lovely words

 

[annointed_towers]

You could kill or injure innocent people this way. This is incredibly selfish.

 

[Worndown]

That will be a burden pushed onto the innocent driver. Is there a bridge you can fall off of?

 

[Minsu]

Yeah this is super selfish and you could injure/hurt/kill/ totally innocent people. There are a lot of ctb methods where nobody, but you, would be affected by your attempt

 

[lilmisswbd2cbt]

I understand this is your chosen method, just felt the need to share I have a friend who's cousin chose this method, he claimed God told him to do it, and their attempt failed—they ended up having multiple severe injuries, several extensive surgeries, & massive hospital bills…he later ODed

 

[timetodie24]

You could kill or injure innocent people this way. This is incredibly selfish.

Yeah this is super selfish and you could injure/hurt/kill/ totally innocent people. There are a lot of ctb methods where nobody, but you, would be affected by your attempt

That will be a burden pushed onto the innocent driver. Is there a bridge you can fall off of?

I understand the concerns and I'm aware it is selfish.
However, I have explained in other threads why I have no choice. This is what those in control want and what I have decoded from the messages they gave me. I will only succeed and also save others if I follow their rules . This will save lives and restore order.
I will minimise harm to others by doing it quickly, not in view of driver and away from traffic queues so doesn't cause pile up/crash.

I've made my decision and won't argue as this isn't the time for that.

I understand this is your chosen method, just felt the need to share I have a friend who's cousin chose this method, he claimed God told him to do it, and their attempt failed—they ended up having multiple severe injuries, several extensive surgeries, & massive hospital bills…

So sorry about your friend's cousin. I am making sure it is fast road and heavy vehicle so survival would be none to slim chance

 

[lilmisswbd2cbt]

I am making sure it is fast road and heavy vehicle ao survival would be none to slim chance

he was on the highway and jumped in front of/under/got hit by a semi truck, I hope you get different results that don't harm anyone else

 

[timetodie24]

Trying to think of what to write in my note for family and mind is going blank. Idk how I can make them understand the glitch and the domino effect, how I'll save up to 100s of people this way.

They know i've been depressed before so maybe it's just better to write something along the lines of I had enough, they did all they could, I love them but just can't cope etc.

 

[blackwidow]

How will you save 100s of people.. Just curious

 

[Dot]

There's something I have to take and 1 thing I have to do for those in control.

Ds ths mn tht r u goin2 hrt sme1 els b4 u ctb

 

[fleetingnight]

Fuck, I probably missed even wishing you well.
I hope everything is going as well as it can. I'm sorry it ended this way. I'm not going to try and stop you, just say that I hope it is/was quick and painless. If you've had a change of plans for any reason, no one is going to be angry with you. Best of luck with everything<3

 

[timetodie24]

How will you save 100s of people.. Just curious

It's complicated but people are in danger because glitch in the system means i survived past what should've been my expiry date . Now others die in my place and that has knock on effect causing chain of harm and deaths. But I can fix the error by ending this (not my only ctb reason though).

Fuck, I probably missed even wishing you well.
I hope everything is going as well as it can. I'm sorry it ended this way. I'm not going to try and stop you, just say that I hope it is/was quick and painless. If you've had a change of plans for any reason, no one is going to be angry with you. Best of luck with everything<3

you haven't. I've just woke up and today's the day. Thank you

Ds ths mn tht r u goin2 hrt sme1 els b4 u ctb

No

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I know we are pro choice but, after reading your threads, it is incredibly clear that you are falling victim of psychosis and making a decision based on delusions.

Because of this, I'm wishing you don't go through with it. I hope you are able to leave unarmed. I truly don't think you'd want to ctb in this matter if it wasn't for psychosis pushing you towards it.

It is horrible that the NHS has failed you and unfair that their failure may cost the world your life...

 

[rozeske]

This is the first goodbye thread that gave me a bad feeling to even open. It truly is sad to see this ending this way. All I can say is I only hope for the best outcome to you and those around you. I'm sorry you got in this position in the first place.

 

[Dot]

Slf wll jst sy tht ur voics hve changd wht thy hve bn sayng snce ths issu startd
E.g 'thy wll di on 5th Jly'

Am gussng tht no1 arnd u passd awy on 5th Jly
Or nothng happnd whn u dd nt attmpt of 5th Jly

Thse msgs hve alrdy provn thmslves 2 b wrng & hve jst changd aftr thy cld nt mke u d/ thngs earlr

 

[Ash]

Purely for selfish reasons, I hope all the lorry drivers I know are still tucked up in bed having a lazy Sunday morning. Actually, I hope everyone I know is so nobody I know is behind the lorry that hits you. Been through two unexpected bereavements already this year. Can't deal with another.

 

[todiefor]

This is a pro-choice forum, it doesn't sound like you are making a choice but actually being forced or under severe duress to choose this method. You yourself said very clearly that "it isn't your fault" or "you didn't choose this". It isn't the right way to go. Even if you don't believe that you are having a psychotic episode, this still holds true. The fear of more people being harmed if you don't do this is clearly acting under duress/coercion.

You also asked in another thread what you are supposed to do if it isn't a voice in your head but a person telling you to do this. The advice for that is the same, you should tell your mental health professional, or someone irl u trust, or the police that someone/a voice is coercing you to do something that would hurt you, and potentially hurt other people. And to be very clear, there is a very high chance of you injuring or killing multiple people by running onto a highway as people panic and swerve in traffic to try to avoid you. There could be very severe consequences for multiple people, not just you.

i know you have already said that you have alerted mental health professionals and I'm sorry nothing was done. Please do try again and be clear with them as you have been clear here.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

There's something I have to take and 1 thing I have to do for those in control. Otherwise it'll fail and others won't be protected. Then once at highway, I will wait until there's a gap in traffic and a lorry/truck. I'll then aim myself under wheels of lorry. I know people have issues with this method but have explained my reasons why in previous threads.

I'm going to clarify this:
I wouldn't say you're selfish or a morally bad person, based on what you've posted here, but still I can't support jumping in front of a lorry. I really don't want you to do this.

It's extremely sad you're 100% sure that you really have to jump in front of a lorry.

Are beings who are in control still say you must do this? Is there no chance of them changing their mind?

 

[ferrie]

I don't know if you have already gone to the highway, so I'm not sure if this message is too late. I do want to say though that I'm sorry it has come back to this. You don't seem as frantic as you did last time you were planning on doing this, so I suppose that is a small mercy. This is not an ideal method, but you already know the problems with it. I wish you were able to make more rational decisions about your CTB because I will never be able to support methods like this with so many uncontrolled variables that affect other people, but at the end of the day it is your decision. I wish the mental health care professionals had done more to help you. I'm sad to see you go if today truly is the day, but I hope you're able to find some peace after how long you've been struggling

 

[justwannadip]

i hope you're still with us, there's some things that I'd like to talk to you about. I never say this to anyone when they desire to ctb, but you don't have to do this. There may be help for you. These are symptoms of delusions and psychosis. You won't believe what I say obviously, but please try and talk to someone and tell them what you've told us. They will help you make sense of everything.

Purely for selfish reasons, I hope all the lorry drivers I know are still tucked up in bed having a lazy Sunday morning. Actually, I hope everyone I know is so nobody I know is behind the lorry that hits you. Been through two unexpected bereavements already this year. Can't deal with another.

Obviously the method she is using is unacceptable and horrible for people involved. In any other case, one could deduce that this is incredibly selfish, but clearly she is going through delusions and psychosis. In her mind she's going to save a lot of people by doing this. How is no one aware that these are obvious symptoms of psychosis and not pointing it out? The encouraging "wishing you peace" messages or the attacks at her don't make sense. Yes, telling her its selfish and that she shouldn't do this is absolutely necessary, but she is not in her right mind, clearly.

 

[Placo]

i hope you're still with us, there's some things that I'd like to talk to you about. I never say this to anyone when they desire to ctb, but you don't have to do this. There may be help for you. These are symptoms of delusions and psychosis. You won't believe what I say obviously, but please try and talk to someone and tell them what you've told us. They will help you make sense of everything.

Obviously the method she is using is unacceptable and horrible for people involved. In any other case, one could deduce that this is incredibly selfish, but clearly she is going through delusions and psychosis. In her mind she's going to save a lot of people by doing this. How is no one aware that these are obvious symptoms of psychosis and not pointing it out? The encouraging "wishing you peace" messages or the attacks at her don't make sense. Yes, telling her its selfish and that she shouldn't do this is absolutely necessary, but she is not in her right mind, clearly.

The problem is that this mentality could be extended to all users of the forum, I too agree that it is psychosis but reasoning like this could discourage a large part of the users because they suffer from a mental disorder from which there is help and the nature pro-choice of the forum is lost, however it was pointed out to her several times that it is psychosis but she has not changed her mind.

As for the fact that she could have found a method that didn't involve others, I don't know what to think, perhaps in her psychosis she really has to die with that method to save lives or she has no other options, perhaps she had written it.

 

[bb3300]

See ya

 

[justwannadip]

The problem is that this mentality could be extended to all users of the forum, I too agree that it is psychosis but reasoning like this could discourage a large part of the users because they suffer from a mental disorder from which there is help and the nature pro-choice of the forum is lost, however it was pointed out to her several times that it is psychosis but she has not changed her mind.

As for the fact that she could have found a method that didn't involve others, I don't know what to think, perhaps in her psychosis she really has to die with that method to save lives or she has no other options, perhaps she had written it.

I hear what you're saying, but imo active psychosis is different. If someone was schizophrenic and was going to die due to the suffering they endure at the hands of their disorder or other causes, thats perfectly understandable and I would not try to stop them. In this case, she did not indicate that she is trying to eliminate her suffering, or even acknowledge that she has psychosis, which tells me she is completely enveloped by it and is not in her right mind. Obviously, anyone could argue that we're all not in our right minds, since we're mentally ill, but there's a difference between being conscious of your suffering and believing in a deluded reality. This isn't against choice, she can choose as "she" pleases, but psychosis and what shes saying isn't who she is. Again, its about how much conscious choice *she* has when she makes *her* decision.

Think of it this way, the same mind that is telling her to kill herself, is telling her to do it on a freeway and traumatize everyone since it will "save 100s" of people and is part of a bigger plan. Thats not a sound mind. If she told us that she believed she had to kill a stranger on a bus next to her cus he's the devil reincarnated and she has to kill him in order to save the universe, would we all not ask her to get help and point out that its psychosis? I think she should be afforded the same concern and care for *her* life, not support and encouragement. Psychosis is at least treatable to an extent, and if she wanted to ctb while not in an episode, thats a different story. She has not been diagnosed, nor is she on any APs. If she passes this is a failure of the system for not getting her the proper help she needs.

 

[rozeske]

@justwannadip this isn't the first thread from op. There are many threads before this one with everything you are suggesting having been asked, advised, told, discussed...

 

[Edpal247]

Jumping in front of a vehicle is not guaranteed and will selfishly traumatize some poor driver. And possible hurt others in a pile-up. Don't, please.

 

[timetodie24]

So um I'm here and not back from the dead. A bit embarrassed and frustrated …

In the stupidest reason for delaying ctb ever it was torrential rain all sunday afternoon (when I planned to do it). Didn't want to do a long walk in the rain lmao but main issue was it adds extra risk factors - traffic would be slower reducing fatality chance and I could be more likely to cause a crash due to poor visibility.

I still have to go through with the same plan as deadline before disaster for many is approaching. I don't like it either but I have no choice. Yes it may traumatise driver but will save up to 100s lives. I have no choice so don't care what people here think. I can't tonight but will asap. As I'm running out of time to complete the 2 tasks (CTB and something they want me to do first. The other task I feel really guilty about too but is sadly necessary) and very scared for others.

Thank you so much and sorry to those who wished me peace. I will remember those messages when I do it next time