Goodbye By SN STAT

[Peaceinsleep]

This is my goodbye thread, hopefully all goes well and I achieve peace. My story is that I had my dream life, panicked and self sabotaged until I lost it all. I have spent some time going back and forth on this and finally decided the outlook of this current life doesn't compare at all to what I had and I just don't want it anymore. I chose to do STAT because I couldn't manage the full 48 hour regime with my partner around. I won't be leaving a note so I'm posting here for those who may need it or want to look back on it. I don't feel like the person I was to the people who love me I am now so it feels weird to leave a note. I will be drinking SN in one hour, I haven't prepared it yet so I wonder if I should or prepare it closer to when I'll drink it, that part wasn't laid out but anyways. I took the ibuprofen, I'm smoking a cigarette to past the time at half past the hour I will take meto. I feel calm, I have been only worried about the after life a little. I stopped worrying about how it will affect others in my life because I won't be here to witness that and that's calming in a way.

If I do not return in one day, the morning because that's when my partner will likely check in on me and to change his clothes, then MODS can cross out my name.

 

[Passersby]

I can relate to your situation and I'm sorry it ended up this way. Life can be so much trauma and suffering. I hope you find peace.

 

[Peaceinsleep]

Thank you for replying, this community has been so helpful in this journey. Update, just took 3 meto.
I have read a lot that people have a feeling when your about to pass, it's so crazy but my best friend of over 10 years just called right after I made this post. I didn't answer, I can't. I'm feeling pretty okay like I'm on autopilot mode after reading this method over and over and contemplating for weeks. I feel a little warm and hungry lol but other than that I feel fine

I can relate to your situation and I'm sorry it ended up this way. Life can be so much trauma and suffering. I hope you find peace.

Thank you

This is my goodbye thread, hopefully all goes well and I achieve peace. My story is that I had my dream life, panicked and self sabotaged until I lost it all. I have spent some time going back and forth on this and finally decided the outlook of this current life doesn't compare at all to what I had and I just don't want it anymore. I chose to do STAT because I couldn't manage the full 48 hour regime with my partner around. I won't be leaving a note so I'm posting here for those who may need it or want to look back on it. I don't feel like the person I was to the people who love me I am now so it feels weird to leave a note. I will be drinking SN in one hour, I haven't prepared it yet so I wonder if I should or prepare it closer to when I'll drink it, that part wasn't laid out but anyways. I took the ibuprofen, I'm smoking a cigarette to past the time at half past the hour I will take meto. I feel calm, I have been only worried about the after life a little. I stopped worrying about how it will affect others in my life because I won't be here to witness that and that's calming in a way.

If I do not return in one day, the morning because that's when my partner will likely check in on me and to change his clothes, then MODS can cross out my name.

It has just started raining now, I am finishing up my second cigarette before taking the antacid dosage. I am reminded of one of my favorite moments of this short life, riding on the back of strangers motorbike in Montego Bay, JA, whipping through traffic and the swaying of all the green vegetation, the Caribbean Sea past my eyes and up into the windy hills towards my room in the jungle, how peaceful life can be, if I could chose a place in the afterlife it would be to sit on the edge of that little patio in the jungle and listen the sounds of yard.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Sorry to hear you suffered, and lost the way of life you once had.

I hear you say that since you feel different, it would feel weird to write and leave a note. I can see why that makes it difficult.
I am not ordering you to do anything, whatever you do is OK. I just want to ask you to perhaps reconsider that, since you have a partner. They may end up feeling like they are the one who failed, and a note could perhaps clear that up and help with clossure.

I just wanted to leave that, I wish you the best; whatever choices you end up making.

 

[Shivali]

:Herz: May you find peace

 

[Peaceinsleep]

This is my goodbye thread, hopefully all goes well and I achieve peace. My story is that I had my dream life, panicked and self sabotaged until I lost it all. I have spent some time going back and forth on this and finally decided the outlook of this current life doesn't compare at all to what I had and I just don't want it anymore. I chose to do STAT because I couldn't manage the full 48 hour regime with my partner around. I won't be leaving a note so I'm posting here for those who may need it or want to look back on it. I don't feel like the person I was to the people who love me I am now so it feels weird to leave a note. I will be drinking SN in one hour, I haven't prepared it yet so I wonder if I should or prepare it closer to when I'll drink it, that part wasn't laid out but anyways. I took the ibuprofen, I'm smoking a cigarette to past the time at half past the hour I will take meto. I feel calm, I have been only worried about the after life a little. I stopped worrying about how it will affect others in my life because I won't be here to witness that and that's calming in a way.

If I do not return in one day, the morning because that's when my partner will likely check in on me and to change his clothes, then MODS can cross out my name.

Thank you again for being with me in this time. Just took my SN dosage, it seemed quite a small dosage with only 50 ML of water, and had two pieces of chocolate, going to finish this last cigarette and lay down.
Didn't finish the last cigarette, took a few puffs and started to feel tired, hands are a little shaky, heartbeat is definitely faster a bit, cheeks felt a little cold like when your out during the winter time, will keep you updated as much as I can, would advise going directly to lay down as up and down felt like I would vomit but I haven't so that's good
Just vomited, couldn't hold it in and didn't make second dose, hopefully this doesn't mess up CTB plans

 

[1000winds]

i wish you all the best..may peace be the journey

 

[atonofdespair24]

Thank you again for being with me in this time. Just took my SN dosage, it seemed quite a small dosage with only 50 ML of water, and had two pieces of chocolate, going to finish this last cigarette and lay down.
Didn't finish the last cigarette, took a few puffs and started to feel tired, hands are a little shaky, heartbeat is definitely faster a bit, cheeks felt a little cold like when your out during the winter time, will keep you updated as much as I can, would advise going directly to lay down as up and down felt like I would vomit but I haven't so that's good
Just vomited, couldn't hold it in and didn't make second dose, hopefully this doesn't mess up CTB plans

I wish you a safe and peaceful passing to whatever's on the other side

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that it must be a relief to feel mostly calm about ctb. I wouldn't worry about the afterlife, theres no evidence that such a thing even exists. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering. Best wishes.

 

[Finding Sirius]

Rest well, may you have a peaceful journey to the otherside.

 

[sardobello]

Hey news? :(

 

[blackwidow]

reading these goodbye threads is always so sad.. such a waste of a life.. and all alone.. really is heart wrenching..

 

[xxxbmw]

I'm suffering like you, I never understood suicidal people before but now I do. I truly wish you get relief from whatever that is bothering you.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

reading these goodbye threads is always so sad.. such a waste of a life.. and all alone.. really is heart wrenching..

I find them inspiring. I'm not one for platitudes but when my time comes I'll be thinking about these threads and the brave souls that went before me.

 

[Peaceinsleep]

Unfortunately I didn't CTB, the near death experience I went through today leaves me with so many mixed emotions. I guess it was the vomit and not getting the full lethal amount into my system. I was in and out of consciousness, at some point I pissed myself and crawled from the bed to the living room and back to my bed, had moments of crying out and not wanting this to happen and now my partner is cooking dinner, I feel sad that I would have left him with my dead body and also dreading the next day as I thought this would be my last. I'm not sure what to do now, I had a moment of nearly shivering and turning blue for hours, then the most calming sleep to being alerted that I'm still here. I'm very conflicted and in the spirit of community that this place is I knew I needed to update you all.

 

[Jrmull1993]

@Peaceinsleep I'm sorry you didn't get the results you wanted, and had to experience that alone.

I hope you are able to put this past you peacefully and reconvene with yourself to determine what's next.

Hoping for the best.

 

[Euthanza]

Wish you speedy recovery. I also fear vomiting since I had thrown up a glass of table salt before, may be I will take the capsules route. It's really that hard to CTB.

 

[Hiraeth Grimoire]

How are you doing now fellow sufferer? I can't believe it failed, I hope you are doing well

 

[lionetta12]

Unfortunately I didn't CTB, the near death experience I went through today leaves me with so many mixed emotions. I guess it was the vomit and not getting the full lethal amount into my system. I was in and out of consciousness, at some point I pissed myself and crawled from the bed to the living room and back to my bed, had moments of crying out and not wanting this to happen and now my partner is cooking dinner, I feel sad that I would have left him with my dead body and also dreading the next day as I thought this would be my last. I'm not sure what to do now, I had a moment of nearly shivering and turning blue for hours, then the most calming sleep to being alerted that I'm still here. I'm very conflicted and in the spirit of community that this place is I knew I needed to update you all.

I'm sorry that it didn't go the way you planned for it to. I hope you are doing okey right now and that you arent in any pain. It sounds like a scary experience to have survived. If you ever feel like you need to talk about it some more, know that we are all here for you.

 

[blackwidow]

I find them inspiring. I'm not one for platitudes but when my time comes I'll be thinking about these threads and the brave souls that went before me.

I totally agree..

 

[Rob1984]

Thank you for updating us. Hope you are doing okay after such a significant experience <3

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Unfortunately I didn't CTB, the near death experience I went through today leaves me with so many mixed emotions. I guess it was the vomit and not getting the full lethal amount into my system. I was in and out of consciousness, at some point I pissed myself and crawled from the bed to the living room and back to my bed, had moments of crying out and not wanting this to happen and now my partner is cooking dinner, I feel sad that I would have left him with my dead body and also dreading the next day as I thought this would be my last. I'm not sure what to do now, I had a moment of nearly shivering and turning blue for hours, then the most calming sleep to being alerted that I'm still here. I'm very conflicted and in the spirit of community that this place is I knew I needed to update you all.

Thanks for the update. That truly must leave you with a different perspective, and being conflicted. Take it slow, I hope you will figure your way.

 

[virgilwalks]

Unfortunately I didn't CTB, the near death experience I went through today leaves me with so many mixed emotions. I guess it was the vomit and not getting the full lethal amount into my system. I was in and out of consciousness, at some point I pissed myself and crawled from the bed to the living room and back to my bed, had moments of crying out and not wanting this to happen and now my partner is cooking dinner, I feel sad that I would have left him with my dead body and also dreading the next day as I thought this would be my last. I'm not sure what to do now, I had a moment of nearly shivering and turning blue for hours, then the most calming sleep to being alerted that I'm still here. I'm very conflicted and in the spirit of community that this place is I knew I needed to update you all.

hoping you've had a bit of time and space from the experience now and you're okay. it seems like your partner may have seen or sensed some part of the process I hope he is supportive and giving you some tlc. We are here for you.

 

[CemetryGates]

Really sorry you didn't get to go peacefully like you intended, hope you've had time to atleast relax and not be too hard on yourself. Much love

 

[Obliviate]

I'm sorry you did not get to CTB. Please take your time to recover and please update us on why you think it failed. Thank You, take care.

 

[stoiccactus]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It resonates deeply with me. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you find peace.

 

[Idontmatter]

Thank you for sharing. This makes me nervous when I do mine soon. It has to work . I'll be doing the 25 grams with 50ml of water

 

[AliceTheGoon]

Just took my SN dosage, it seemed quite a small dosage with only 50 ML of water

What was the dosage?

 

[thebunny]

Unfortunately I didn't CTB, the near death experience I went through today leaves me with so many mixed emotions. I guess it was the vomit and not getting the full lethal amount into my system. I was in and out of consciousness, at some point I pissed myself and crawled from the bed to the living room and back to my bed, had moments of crying out and not wanting this to happen and now my partner is cooking dinner, I feel sad that I would have left him with my dead body and also dreading the next day as I thought this would be my last. I'm not sure what to do now, I had a moment of nearly shivering and turning blue for hours, then the most calming sleep to being alerted that I'm still here. I'm very conflicted and in the spirit of community that this place is I knew I needed to update you all.

i'm sorry things didn't go as planned. thank you for sharing your experience nonetheless, we truly appreciate it. i hope you're handling things well and if you're not, that's okay too. take your time on processing things and on recovering. i wish you'd find your peace soon. best wishes.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm happy you are ok. Hope you can find what you are looking for.