Gonna leave via SN in a few hours. I wasnt too close to anyone here but it would be nice not to be alone if possible

[protocorpse]

Hey everyone. Been taking meto for the past few days and have SN stuff ready about 2 hours from now. Just finishing up some last wrap up stuff.
I didnt end up too close to anyone here but met some great people that have helped me more than anyone else has in life. Its such a shame such generous hearts are all congregated here in shared suffering. I only ask no religious or spiritual talk at this time.
anyway, feeling anxious and it would be nice to talk. anything shared in my process can be shared to inform others of the journey if needed.

Thank you.

 

[Hope:-)]

I'm here. Anything you'd like to talk about specifically? x

 

[protocorpse]

I'm here. Anything you'd like to talk about specifically? x

Thank you.
Im just really sad and honestly scared. Ive been scrolling through contacts but theres just literally no one else to even try to talk to. the waiting is really hard.

 

[Hope:-)]

Thank you.
Im just really sad and honestly scared. Ive been scrolling through contacts but theres just literally no one else to even try to talk to. the waiting is really hard.

Do you definitely want to do it...(not that anyone wants to per se)? I'll be on here during that time either way you decide x

 

[tiny_dancer]

From your post, you sound so kind. I wish you peace in whatever way that is. Sending love xo

 

[protocorpse]

Do you definitely want to do it...(not that anyone wants to per se)? I'll be on here during that time either way you decide x

I dont even know. My adhd has gotten so bad that i cant make any judgement calls anymore. Ive tried so hard to put in effort in improving, both medically and otherwise but just am just stagnant while the world keeps getting more demanding.
Ive tried doing honest research and dont think people like me really get better.
Im not against dying i just feel so sad and the isolation is just this weight that never goes away.
I used to work so hard and but ive just floundered multiple jobs and burned through my savings this year and now my rent is up tomorrow and i have no money and zero connections to anyone anymore. I guess the hestiation comes from feeling like i could have been better but thats all too late now

 

[Poor Stargazer]

Sending peace and love! I wish you nothing but the best on your journey! ❤

 

[Hope:-)]

I dont even know. My adhd has gotten so bad that i cant make any judgement calls anymore. Ive tried so hard to put in effort in improving, both medically and otherwise but just am just stagnant while the world keeps getting more demanding.
Ive tried doing honest research and dont think people like me really get better.
Im not against dying i just feel so sad and the isolation is just this weight that never goes away.
I used to work so hard and but ive just floundered multiple jobs and burned through my savings this year and now my rent is up tomorrow and i have no money and zero connections to anyone anymore. I guess the hestiation comes from feeling like i could have been better but thats all too late now

If there's any doubt about wanting to be dead... no one wants to go through dying, but doubt about being dead then don't do it. It's ok to change your mind. Like I said I'll stay on this thread either way x

 

[zphantom]

I know this is a bit out there but I've been researching universal basic income and I have a curious question. If you were receiving universal basic income and got enough each month to pay basic bills and have some of it left after bills were paid, do you think you would donate to a charity and do you think it would help ease your pain enough to keep you alive?

In this hypothetical situation, you would receive the universal basic income for as long as you were alive so theoretically you could donate to Alzheimer's research for the rest of your life and your life would directly impact the rate at which Alzheimer's was cured meaning the longer you can hold on the sooner humanity could cure Alzheimer's.

Everyone on planet Earth is a treasure it doesn't matter who they are or what they've done or will do my only goal is to try to find ways to keep more people here while easing their suffering.

 

[protocorpse]

I know this is a bit out there but I've been researching universal basic income and I have a curious question. If you were receiving universal basic income and got enough each month to pay basic bills and have some of it left after bills were paid, do you think you would donate to a charity and do you think it would help ease your pain enough to keep you alive?

In this hypothetical situation, you would receive the universal basic income for as long as you were alive so theoretically you could donate to Alzheimer's research for the rest of your life and your life would directly impact the rate at which Alzheimer's was cured meaning the longer you can hold on the sooner humanity could cure Alzheimer's.

Everyone on planet Earth is a treasure it doesn't matter who they are or what they've done or will do my only goal is to try to find ways to keep more people here while easing their suffering.

sure. the biggest thing is finding a work scenario that isnt inherently dehumanizing. I was at my most productive, creative and philanthropic during covid with the extended unemployment credits. Ive tried living to be to help others or even foster animals but unfortunately the mix of stress and adhd that has been a burden during standard employment is even more demoralizing when im letting down people who actually need or expect my help

If there's any doubt about wanting to be dead... no one wants to go through dying, but doubt about being dead then don't do it. It's ok to change your mind. Like I said I'll stay on this thread either way x

Thank you so much for being so thoughtful. I was planning to put my phone out of reach but have decided to at least keep it on so that if things get too bad i have the option of backing out. seems fairest.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

Everyone on planet Earth is a treasure it doesn't matter who they are or what they've done or will do my only goal is to try to find ways to keep more people here while easing their suffering.

And you figure getting kicked off this website is a step toward your goal?

 

[Sleeper System]

I know this is a bit out there but I've been researching universal basic income and I have a curious question. If you were receiving universal basic income and got enough each month to pay basic bills and have some of it left after bills were paid, do you think you would donate to a charity and do you think it would help ease your pain enough to keep you alive?

In this hypothetical situation, you would receive the universal basic income for as long as you were alive so theoretically you could donate to Alzheimer's research for the rest of your life and your life would directly impact the rate at which Alzheimer's was cured meaning the longer you can hold on the sooner humanity could cure Alzheimer's.

You mean universal basic income for strictly the terminally ill?

 

[zphantom]

You mean universal basic income for strictly the terminally ill?

No for everyone. We can all go through rough patches in our lives and the systems we have don't always catch those people.

 

[protocorpse]

No for everyone. We can all go through rough patches in our lives and the systems we have don't always catch those people.

please take whatever this is elsewhere

 

[zphantom]

Forgive my intrusion I was just hoping if I could give someone else hope it would give me hope best of luck to you protocorpse.

 

[Sleeper System]

When you are an intelligent individual, CTB is one of the most courageous things a person can do for themselves. You have the weight of an entire existence on your shoulders. That shit is so hard. It's fucking scary. To see it through takes a resolve I have yet to find myself.

I won't speak on religion or spirituality as I stopped believing in that a long time ago. but ctb is a path just like any other. If it weren't a possible outcome of existence then why would it be an option? I believe taking your own life should be an absolute human right. I envy that your life is closer to ending than my own. I want you to go the same way you came. Without feeling or thought. Just peace and quiet.

 

[protocorpse]

When you are an intelligent individual, CTB is one of the most courageous things a person can do for themselves. You have the weight of an entire existence on your shoulders. That shit is so hard. It's fucking scary. To see it through takes a resolve I have yet to find myself.

I won't speak on religion or spirituality as I stopped believing in that a long time ago. but ctb is a path just like any other. If it weren't a possible outcome of existence then why would it be an option? I believe taking your own life should be an absolute human right. I envy that your life is closer to ending than my own. I want you to go the same way you came. Without feeling or thought. Just peace and quiet.

thank you for your words. I am sorry you are hurting so much. The main thing for me was just trying every outlet to make sure it was the right choice but that still takes time.

 

[Sleeper System]

thank you for your words. I am sorry you are hurting so much. The main thing for me was just trying every outlet to make sure it was the right choice but that still takes time.

The only thing stopping me is I haven't hit rock bottom yet. I don't know if this makes sense but I am scared that I won't ever reach that point and take my life into my own hands the way I want to.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Just wanted to wish you peace and love on your journey.
Sorry life is like this. I'm not sure how long I will be awake, getting tired.
Wish I could give you a hug IRL.

Peace

 

[born2win]

See you soon in the beyond, i have question however, are you doing this in a hotel or at your apartment? Also are you complete with the meds suggested at SN megathread?

 

[protocorpse]

Update: taken final 40mg of meto and pain meds. no beta no benzo no antacids
following stans 48 hr guide but been sloppy with time and diet windows. 9hr fast should hopefully do the trick

 

[Hollowillow]

I

Update: taken final 40mg of meto and pain meds. no beta no benzo no antacids
following stans 48 hr guide but been sloppy with time and diet windows. 9hr fast should hopefully do the trick

I'm so sorry I utterly failed at saying something comforting. I wish you success and I envy you.

 

[emgrl]

Here for you, we all are, you're not alone

 

[Hope:-)]

Here for you, we all are, you're not alone

Yes, still here and thinking of you x

 

[Hollowillow]

If you still had time & not too tired I'd like to know how you got the stuff & the protocol. It seems so complicated. I admire you for succeeding in getting it. I wish I could go too.

 

[HumansAreHell]

Love and peace to you, I wish the best for you whatever that may be.

 

[protocorpse]

Yes, still here and thinking of you x

Thank you. Going to take SN now

 

[Cathy Ames]

OP, I'm very sorry that things have come to this for you. It is okay if you change your mind at any point, even if it is shortly after you drink it--you can call for help. I wish you the best in whatever way things turn out.

 

[emgrl]

Thank you. Going to take SN now

Still here with you

 

[protocorpse]

First glass of SN down. Used orajell. Didn't taste anything. (Prob too much orajell lol)