Gonna CTB tonight

[rxk39]

Not much to say, just that I'm planning to kill myself tonight. I set the date a week ago and it's finally come. I have mostly been a lurker on SaSu but everyone here really did make me feel a little less alone, so thank you for that. Can't tell anyone in real life so I'm here. I hope we'll all be able to find relief from this suffering. I'm scared but hopeful.

 

[alwaysalone]

Not much to say, just that I'm planning to kill myself tonight. I set the date a week ago and it's finally come. I have mostly been a lurker on SaSu but everyone here really did make me feel a little less alone, so thank you for that. Can't tell anyone in real life so I'm here. I hope we'll all be able to find relief from this suffering. I'm scared but hopeful.

I hope you find the peace you deserve wherever that may be. I also hope you know if you change your mind or SI is to much that's ok too.

 

[getoutgirl]

Hi, sorry it's gotten to this point for you. If you feel scared or at some point feel like backing out, remember that's an option too and Ok. CTB isn't going anywhere and it's best to do it when you are certain of it and in a good n clear state of mind.
Whatever you do lots of hugs to you right now at this moment <3

 

[LetMeOut67]

I'm sorry the world failed you
Bless you

 

[humantool]

Hope you find the peace you deserve
Wishing you the best

 

[imtiredasf]

I hope everything turns out the way you want it to, regardless of which choice you make tonight.

 

[injuredbongos]

Best wishes. I'm sorry it has come to this. I hope you achieve peace and relief.

 

[cececinderella]

Best wishes - may whatever you decide to do bring you peace.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

If you're serious, then I wish you a peaceful journey.

 

[h3artstopping]

Not much to say, just that I'm planning to kill myself tonight. I set the date a week ago and it's finally come. I have mostly been a lurker on SaSu but everyone here really did make me feel a little less alone, so thank you for that. Can't tell anyone in real life so I'm here. I hope we'll all be able to find relief from this suffering. I'm scared but hopeful.

Im so sorry that life drove you to this. Whatever you decide is best I hope you find peace<3

 

[spoonfed]

Really hope you find the peace you're looking for, regardless of what avenue you take x

 

[moonflow3r]

Godspeed

 

[glitterycheese]

you are strong even in this moment, i wish you a peaceful passing. and sending hugs . please take care

 

[darksouls]

good luck wish you the best

 

[EternalDestiny]

Hope everything goes as planned

 

[rxk39]

Fuck this all. I underestimated SI, I was going numb and grey-ish feeling and I've never been that fucking scared in my life. My dad drove me to the hospital and now they're keeping me here(???) hopefully only overnight. I just want to die even more, I will probably need to get a new rope now and everything. I feel so fucking ashamed, I can't even kill myself right. I'm a fucking coward because it was so close, it would've been perfect.

 

[SmilingNoMore]

Wishing you all the best, whatever may happen tonight. Sorry for where you find yourself and the suffering. I'm seding love your way, know that you are not alone with us here.

 

[getoutgirl]

Fuck this all. I underestimated SI, I was going numb and grey-ish feeling and I've never been that fucking scared in my life. My dad drove me to the hospital and now they're keeping me here(???) hopefully only overnight. I just want to die even more, I will probably need to get a new rope now and everything. I feel so fucking ashamed, I can't even kill myself right. I'm a fucking coward because it was so close, it would've been perfect.

Hey, nothing to do with cowardice. Survival instinct is a real powerful thing. Turns out the brain really likes the thought of dying as a way out of the pain, but really doesn't like the process at all. It isn't pretty. It's awful. Sorry you had to go through that too.
You might stay in the hospital for a bit, take it easy if you can these days. I get the feelings of shame, but what you need right now is some break from it all cos that's an awful experience what you just went through. Hugs<3

 

[Forveleth]

Fuck this all. I underestimated SI, I was going numb and grey-ish feeling and I've never been that fucking scared in my life. My dad drove me to the hospital and now they're keeping me here(???) hopefully only overnight. I just want to die even more, I will probably need to get a new rope now and everything. I feel so fucking ashamed, I can't even kill myself right. I'm a fucking coward because it was so close, it would've been perfect.

No judgement from anyone here as many of us have been there. Survival instinct is very strong and is incredibly hard to overcome. You just went through a scary experience. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[soonnotkoei]

peace and love.

 

[SmilingNoMore]

Be kind to yourself, you are brave. Sending hugs your way, just take it easy

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[Alexandra0]

Have a safe journey, farewell! I'm sorry you suffered so much in this dark world.

 

[houseofleaves]

Fuck this all. I underestimated SI, I was going numb and grey-ish feeling and I've never been that fucking scared in my life. My dad drove me to the hospital and now they're keeping me here(???) hopefully only overnight. I just want to die even more, I will probably need to get a new rope now and everything. I feel so fucking ashamed, I can't even kill myself right. I'm a fucking coward because it was so close, it would've been perfect.

Please don't be harsh with yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're not a coward. I mean it.

 

[injuredbongos]

Fuck this all. I underestimated SI, I was going numb and grey-ish feeling and I've never been that fucking scared in my life. My dad drove me to the hospital and now they're keeping me here(???) hopefully only overnight. I just want to die even more, I will probably need to get a new rope now and everything. I feel so fucking ashamed, I can't even kill myself right. I'm a fucking coward because it was so close, it would've been perfect.

You are absolutely not a coward--quite the opposite, in fact. You are profoundly brave, especially choosing a painful method. I'm incredibly sorry this went unfortunately for you, but know nobody here sees or believes you as a coward. And we think you deserve a peaceful journey. Try not to be harsh on yourself, and take some solace here where many users can empathize with your state of mind. Please be well.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Fuck this all. I underestimated SI, I was going numb and grey-ish feeling and I've never been that fucking scared in my life. My dad drove me to the hospital and now they're keeping me here(???) hopefully only overnight. I just want to die even more, I will probably need to get a new rope now and everything. I feel so fucking ashamed, I can't even kill myself right. I'm a fucking coward because it was so close, it would've been perfect.

you're no coward. si is built in on a primal level. it's not easy by any measure to overcome. we're here for you. please allow yourself a little grace, more if you can. there's no shame in this or in coming back, that's part of why this place exists. if you want to chat feel free to convo me.

 

[rxk39]

Thanks for the kind messages, it really means so much. They are putting me in inpatient, I've been waiting at the hospital for the entire day and finally got my phone charged but they're going to take it away again. I don't know how I even got here I've been in a daze the entire time, none of this feels real. Hopefully I can get out of here soon and then I guess I'll go from there. I still want nothing more than to CTB but seeing how worried my parents were, the guilt is way stronger than the urge to die. So idk, I'll probably find myself back here pretty soon. Thanks again