Going to try to ctb tomorrow

[artroom1931]

I love life. I love this world. I really love all of it so very much. But the final nail in my coffin came down tonight. After months of struggling I really think I can finally end it.

I'm hoping tomorrow I get to be alone for a long enough period of time to tie up a noose from my garage's rafters and finally ctb. I'm scared, so much so I'm shaking even now in my own bed. But I'm finally going to be free of all the heartache and pain. I finally won't be able to hurt anyone anymore. And for that, I don't think the time can come fast enough.

There are so many things I don't want to leave, but this is for the better of every single person who's ever known me. I can't wait for all of them to be happy again.

 

[ExitStageLeft]

Goodbye and good luck to you.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Not to be rude or anything... Don't go if you love life that much..
I don't know you're sircomstances, but is there really no other way?

 

[artroom1931]

Not to be rude or anything... Don't go if you love life that much..
I don't know you're sircomstances, but is there really no other way?

Don't worry, you aren't rude at all. Unfortunately, it's exactly that case. My circumstances have become too painful to bear. I've managed to lose everything in my life in a span of six months...it's been one thing after another. I love life, and that's exactly why I want to leave it. I never deserved it in the first place. Maybe once I die I'll be able to watch dogs play in the park and see happy families for the rest of eternity...I can only hope I'm granted a wish like that.

 

[death137]

Wish you the best. Hope to join you in a few days.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Don't worry, you aren't rude at all. Unfortunately, it's exactly that case. My circumstances have become too painful to bear. I've managed to lose everything in my life in a span of six months...it's been one thing after another. I love life, and that's exactly why I want to leave it. I never deserved it in the first place. Maybe once I die I'll be able to watch dogs play in the park and see happy families for the rest of eternity...I can only hope I'm granted a wish like that.

I'm so sorry you had to come to this decision..
I support everyone's choice, but it seems so unfair.. You actually love living...

 

[Captive of Mind]

Based on the what you have said and the way your are speaking, I don't think you will be leaving us tomorrow. It doesn't sound like your will to die is stronger than your will to live. And even if that were the case, survival instinct kicks in and won't let those people die sometimes too. But either way, I wish you the best. If I am wrong and you're suffering truly is too much to bear, then it is a great thing that you have found this opportunity to be freed from your shackles here. I ordered my SN and meto today and a strange, unexpected calm has washed over me. Now I know that deliverance is near. I will not be forced to be dragged through the mud for an undetermined amount of time. Now I know I will defeat this fucked up body and mind that has laid claim over me. My torturer is forced to give up the reigns and put an end to this madness.

 

[artroom1931]

Based on the what you have said and the way your are speaking, I don't think you will be leaving us tomorrow. It doesn't sound like your will to die is stronger than your will to live. And even if that were the case, survival instinct kicks in and won't let those people die either sometimes.

Part of me hopes you're right in a way...but I managed to do the same thing a few weeks ago and only survived because I got caught...last time was only partial hanging (just barely though, my toes hardly touched the ground) but I'll be going for full suspension this time. The hardest part was stepping off the platform, but the last time I tried I didn't even remember stepping off, I'm almost positive I fainted and fell off the platform that way. I'm hoping the same happens here too...it'll make things so much easier ヽ(´ー｀)

 

[Captive of Mind]

The fact that part of you hopes I was right is concerning. When someone makes this decision, there should be no part of them that is lagging behind. It's like going to marry someone but during the wedding you're thinking, "part of me hopes this doesn't happen". IT'S A BAD IDEA! Still, I don't know you personally and there is no way for me to understand your thoughts or circumstances. I hope you don't take my words as being stern or harsh, these words have compassion that this text won't allow you to feel since you can't hear my voice and look into my eyes. Please take this next advice seriously. If you really are determined to cross over, you have to make sure that no one else could possibly find you and stop it like they did last time. Go to great lengths to make this happen. The reason being is that if they stop you mid way through, you will be a vegetable or have severe brain damage. Then life will be exponentially worse for you and everyone around you and whats more is that then you won't have the wherewithal to end it like you do now.

 

[artroom1931]

The fact that part of you hopes I was right is concerning. When someone makes this decision, there should be no part of them that is lagging behind. It's like going to marry someone but during the wedding you're thinking, "part of me hopes this doesn't happen". IT'S A BAD IDEA! Still, I don't know you personally and there is no way for me to understand your thoughts or circumstances. I hope you don't take my words as being stern or harsh, these words have compassion that this text won't allow you to feel since you can't hear my voice and look into my eyes. Please take this next advice seriously. If you really are determined to cross over, you have to make sure that no one else could possibly find you and stop it like they did last time. Go to great lengths to make this happen. The reason being is that if they stop you mid way through, you will be a vegetable or have severe brain damage. Then life will be exponentially worse for you and everyone around you and whats more is that then you won't have the wherewithal to end it like you do now.

You're definitely right. The only reason I was kind of hoping is just because part of me is still in denial that everything that's happened to me actually happened...but it did and there's no way to reverse it. I will definitely do my absolute best to make sure I'm not caught - I specifically chose my garage for an attempt this time since it's detached from my house, so in the event I can't get my parent out of the house for an hour there's very little chance I'll be heard in there. It also has a lock on the door which I can definitely use to my advantage in at least slowing anyone down who suspects something. If I can't be sure I can do it tomorrow without being heard though, I'll 100% postpone it until I'm positive no one will find me. Thank you so much for your advice （＾ν＾）

 

[Myforevercharlie]

If you need someone to listen, I'm up anyway..

 

[artroom1931]

If you need someone to listen, I'm up anyway..

Thank you so very much (*´꒳`*) I plan on trying to get some sleep myself soon...I woke up from a nightmare and had all the pain rushing back as it does when I wake up and wanted to post on here. Thank you for being so kind though (T-T)

 

[Captive of Mind]

You're definitely right. The only reason I was kind of hoping is just because part of me is still in denial that everything that's happened to me actually happened...but it did and there's no way to reverse it. I will definitely do my absolute best to make sure I'm not caught - I specifically chose my garage for an attempt this time since it's detached from my house, so in the event I can't get my parent out of the house for an hour there's very little chance I'll be heard in there. It also has a lock on the door which I can definitely use to my advantage in at least slowing anyone down who suspects something. If I can't be sure I can do it tomorrow without being heard though, I'll 100% postpone it until I'm positive no one will find me. Thank you so much for your advice （＾ν＾）

After hearing you out, I see that I could very well be wrong. I know it was not easy for you to come to this conclusion and know that you have our love and support with whatever you choose. I hope your deepest wishes are fulfilled.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Whatever decision you come to make we are all here to support you. I hope the pain you feel eases away. Sending hugs

 

[KleinerWolf]

hey dude @artroom1931 if you change your mind anytime, you are welcome to PM me okay?

 

[artroom1931]

Hopefully only a few hours away now. I'm so nervous! My heart rate has been super high since last night! I'm praying I don't have to postpone, I'm not sure I could take another day.

 

[Anthagonos]

@artroom1931
I hope you the best about your choice.
I understand you because I also like to live life, but I destroyed myself with wrong decissions I took in the past. I was really confused and now I'm here, writting about my last days.

 

[Captive of Mind]

We are all right here beside you man, stuck in the same boat. Every day I constantly have the though, "Get me out of here". Another day is just one too many.. The rescue crew has arrived (this forum), now it's up to us to pilot ourselves back home. May you find peace on the other side.

 

[FallingFree]

I love life. I love this world. I really love all of it so very much. But the final nail in my coffin came down tonight. After months of struggling I really think I can finally end it.

I'm hoping tomorrow I get to be alone for a long enough period of time to tie up a noose from my garage's rafters and finally ctb. I'm scared, so much so I'm shaking even now in my own bed. But I'm finally going to be free of all the heartache and pain. I finally won't be able to hurt anyone anymore. And for that, I don't think the time can come fast enough.

There are so many things I don't want to leave, but this is for the better of every single person who's ever known me. I can't wait for all of them to be happy again.

You love life so much. You need to understand that it can get better nomatter what situation you are in. If you love life you shouldn't CTB as that would be ending it, it would be ending your life. Don't do anything spontaneously or in the heat of the moment that you regret. Think it through before you do something irreversible like ending your life because there is no going back once you CTB. You need to know that it can get better. Life can get better. You don't have to CTB. We are all here for you if you want to talk.

 

[Ulisses]

Good luck and peace in your journey. Hugs

 

[Soul]

@artroom1931, I wish you the best outcome for you. x

 

[Myforevercharlie]

How are you doing now @artroom1931

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

My circumstances have become too painful to bear. I've managed to lose everything in my life in a span of six months...it's been one thing after another.

So this was my first question too — why, if you love life so much, would you so suddenly want to end it all? I get it, though. I can't say I have the zest for life that you do, but I did enjoy pursuing my passions as a way of coping with the agony of life. Over the past 13 months, my life has crumbled, and it's just not worth it anymore.

I really wish, though, that things will turn around for you. For someone with such a positive attitude towards life, I hope you get to experience its joy again.

 

[nais]

@artroom1931 I think that you are really amazing and have great potential to have a lovely life again. You are so valuable and precious. Don't worry about your mistakes or about hurting others. Yeah, it happens, but those mistakes are opportunities to grow and mature. It's not hopeless.

 

[MeriDeath]

There is no turning point when you're sure life has become absolute shit and there's no way to fix it. I just hope you've slept on this decision enough time, I understand the point of not bearing any longer. I hope you do the right decision. If life cant get any prettier for you, maybe its time to get rid of it, no matter how beautiful it was.

 

[artroom1931]

Thank you all so much for the wishes! Unfortunately, I was hospitalized shortly after this (actually unrelated to the attempt itself) so I'm still kicking. I've been putting some more thought into my plan though to make sure it's foolproof - hopefully I'll be able to execute it soon (^-^)

 

[rt1989526]

Thank you all so much for the wishes! Unfortunately, I was hospitalized shortly after this (actually unrelated to the attempt itself) so I'm still kicking. I've been putting some more thought into my plan though to make sure it's foolproof - hopefully I'll be able to execute it soon (^-^)

I hope you are not in pain. Which method are you going to use?

 

[artroom1931]

I hope you are not in pain. Which method are you going to use?

Thank you very much! I'm still hoping to go with hanging if it's a viable option...the issue has been getting the time to do it (´・ω・) I might try jumping if I can't get an opportunity...hanging is my ideal but sometimes beggars can't be choosers ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Thank you all so much for the wishes! Unfortunately, I was hospitalized shortly after this (actually unrelated to the attempt itself) so I'm still kicking. I've been putting some more thought into my plan though to make sure it's foolproof - hopefully I'll be able to execute it soon (^-^)

I wish you the best... and hope you are able to find peace.