Help Going to try therapy--how much should I tell them?

[slushy]

I've thought about ctb for years and as time goes on I realize it really is my best choice. My best shot at being happy is simply not having to experience the hell that is consciousness on this earth. I won't even feel happy or sad or anything because I won't exist anymore--that's what I want. Even on good days, or when I'm doing what I love, just being alive makes me really uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure at this point that ctb is what I want to do, but I've decided to try therapy first. I've never tried it, and to be completely honest don't have high hopes in it, but who knows? Maybe it will help. More than anything, though, it's to ease my guilt about my own death. A lot of people are going to hurt, very deeply, when I finally do ctb and I feel horrible every day for what I'm going to do to them. If I go to therapy, I can comfort myself that I at least tried to get help. I did the best I could.

My question is, how much should I tell the therapist? I CANNOT be hospitalized because healthcare is a sham in this country and it will run up a huge bill and won't do anything for me. Not to mention a potentially traumatizing experience. Should I share that I have suicidal thoughts daily and that I want nothing more out of life but for it to be over? Should I share that I have suicidal thoughts at all? I know not to mention any plans and not to say I intend to kill myself now. Anyone who's been to therapy or has experience with this, how much did you tell your therapist and what happened?

 

[AnestheticVoid]

Depends on your therapist and the law in your country. I'd not mention suicide until you get to know your therapist more.

 

[slushy]

Depends on your therapist and the law in your country. I'd not mention suicide until you get to know your therapist more.

Thanks. I am in the United States to clarify.

 

[YourNeighbor]

Thanks. I am in the United States to clarify.

Ask your therapist what the law is on reporting what is discussed/involuntary committment (aka Baker Act) in your state. The therapist should know when s/he would have to report/etc. Usually it's when you are an imminent threat to yourself or others. So, mentioning general suicidal thoughts wouldn't support involuntary commitment. If you say you have a fresh-mixed batch of SN and a shotgun waiting for you at home, on the other hand, that would be another story.

Because your therapist is there to help you, it's best to be as open as possible. Again, ask to make sure how much you can reveal just in case, if you're concerned about being hospitalized withour your consent.

Good luck to you.

 

[ultrafuntimes]

Your therapist shouldn't try to hospitalize you as long as they believe you aren't in any immediate danger to yourself. It's ok to mention suicidal thoughts, just be careful about what you disclose, and be sure to emphasize that you don't have any intent to act on them.

Just to be safe, you can ask them about their policies and what your rights are.

 

[Mtnwildflowers]

It's ok to mention suicidal thoughts but important to say they are chronic and not acute—they hospitalize when you mention an imminent plan or make large gestures like saying you bought a gun..basically if you have a current plan most states can put you on a 72 involuntary hold

 

[Sea Turtle]

It's such a hard balance between telling as much of the truth as you can, thus getting the best help, and telling too much and getting hospitalized. I definitely agree with some people above in saying, get to know them first, get comfortable, see if they're a right fit, and then discuss the laws and what they would hospitalize for.

 

[ClaudeKersey]

The truth is, most people react to us saying that we're suicidal without much of a care. They would just try to "motivate" and "encourage" you. It is OK to share with the therapist that you are feeling suicidical-they won't really believe you are unless you tell them you have a fixed plan.

 

[whatevs]

The truth is, most people react to us saying that we're suicidal without much of a care. They would just try to "motivate" and "encourage" you. It is OK to share with the therapist that you are feeling suicidical-they won't really believe you are unless you tell them you have a fixed plan.

My experience has been similar to what you say, but emphasis must be put into the PLAN and the DETERMINATION you show. It's OK to say you "think about it sometimes but have no practical way to accomplish it" once you know the psychological charlatan better.

 

[Forever Dead]

I've thought about ctb for years and as time goes on I realize it really is my best choice. My best shot at being happy is simply not having to experience the hell that is consciousness on this earth. I won't even feel happy or sad or anything because I won't exist anymore--that's what I want. Even on good days, or when I'm doing what I love, just being alive makes me really uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure at this point that ctb is what I want to do, but I've decided to try therapy first. I've never tried it, and to be completely honest don't have high hopes in it, but who knows? Maybe it will help. More than anything, though, it's to ease my guilt about my own death. A lot of people are going to hurt, very deeply, when I finally do ctb and I feel horrible every day for what I'm going to do to them. If I go to therapy, I can comfort myself that I at least tried to get help. I did the best I could.

My question is, how much should I tell the therapist? I CANNOT be hospitalized because healthcare is a sham in this country and it will run up a huge bill and won't do anything for me. Not to mention a potentially traumatizing experience. Should I share that I have suicidal thoughts daily and that I want nothing more out of life but for it to be over? Should I share that I have suicidal thoughts at all? I know not to mention any plans and not to say I intend to kill myself now. Anyone who's been to therapy or has experience with this, how much did you tell your therapist and what happened?

Telling any Doctor, therapist etc that you are actively planning to ctb, and have your plan worked out is a massive no, no. Telling them that you have suicidal thoughts is ok, but never tell them that you are planning to do so etc. I dont trust anyone in the so-called psychiatric profession after being sectioned for telling them the truth of how I feel as regards active suicidal ideation. Being locked up in a psych ward actually made my condition considerably worse. Be very careful what you say to these people.

 

[sarahwilliams]

I just want to say, as someone who has felt the same as you for a long time therapy is always a step in the right direction. Please don't let your fears keep you from being honest with your therapist and getting the most out of your time. You can be as honest as you want as long as you make sure to say that you don't plan on acting on your suicidal thoughts.

Also, as someone with friends who have been hospitalized, at the time they were devastated but in hindsight they were happy it happened. It wasn't the end of the world and it sometimes even lead to friendships with people who actually understood them. It allowed my one friend to live to see a better day that she didn't even know existed at the time after her mom passed away.

 

[Slaanesh]

If it's private and all your information is kept confidential, then honestly I'd tell them as much as you feel comfortable with.

I've been through plenty of therapists and always regretted not telling them everything because it just meant they always got half of the true picture.
They should always tell you during your first meeting with them about their policy on confidentiality.

 

[Gsvko]

Like some others said: you're not actively suicidal, you have thoughts, but no plan.
Mine knew I have them daily.
I personally knew I would quit therapy prior to ctb if that was to happen, so that made reassuring easier. I mostly think they're afraid of bad rep. When they ask "do you have plans?", I hear: "are you planning to kill yourself while in my practice?" No

 

[booplesnoot34]

So I managed to find a really good therapist, but it took me quite a while to trust her. I had to ask repeatedly that if I told her things would she throw me away or call the police or get me locked up? I don't want to be punished for telling the truth. And slowly but surely, I was able to trust. She said that she cannot do anything unless I am actively in the act or tell her a time and date and place that I am absolutely going to try it. As long as I don't do that, I can tell her what I want to tell her. But you need to make it clear that you won't say anything if punishment is on the table and build a relationship to know if she's trustworthy to tell the whole truth. Hospitalization teaches people to never be honest about suicidal thoughts and to avoid seeking help. I wish pay phones were still a thing so we could call a hotline without being tracked down.

 

[Abyssopelagic]

I have been with my current therapist for years and I am finally able to tell her about some things, though if anything is coming up regarding ctb or SH in the moment I am very careful to refer to those things as 'idle' or 'unwanted', or to just plainly emphasize as much as possible that I am not actively planning or engaging in anything and have no resources to ctb, similar to what comments above mine have stated. I still don't tell her quite as much as others mention, but I think that is mostly because out of fear of ever going to a psych ward again. I may be a bit paranoid there, but that shit was traumatizing. Regardless, I feel soooort of safe telling her now if, for example, I feel no hope for the future, or feel worthless or tired of life, or struggle with thoughts of SH or suicide, and all I have to do is emphasize (sometimes more than once) that yes I am safe and will "come back safe" to our next appointment, and then we can continue with the session as normal.

It may take some time with your therapist to gauge how much of the full extent of your current struggles you feel comfortable disclosing. Some are touchier than others when it comes to determining if you're a danger to yourself. However, if you do want to seriously try to address those things in therapy and see if it can make a real difference, you'll have to find some sort of middle ground to give your struggles enough attention to really be examined, as in my experience better and longer-lasting results really only come with your therapist having a more complete picture of your situation. It really sucks and imo is a total failure of the medical and psychiatric fields that we often have to censor ourselves and walk this kind of tightrope, but getting real benefits from therapy in this situation can absolutely be done.