Anarchy
Invisible anarchist
- Jul 9, 2018
- 383
I'm either going to do it this morning or next time I'm home alone.
Even just mere weeks ago, I'd think I was so ready, but I had some goals.
For the past few days, suicide has been my only goal.
I feel so calm. I feel there are many people whose lives have become too messed-up to be resolved and they become so engrossed in death and suicide that they make themselves really different. I feel like everyone can understand each other to an extent, and are similar to an extent, but once you accept death and make it your sole goal, then you become one of the few people who are so changed from their old selves and so different from most people that they are practically destined to kill themselves. And once they focus on death as their main goal for so long that their personality fades and they're less human and more just a death-focused being, then no-one can relate to them well at all except others in that small subgroup, their potential lives are lost. And I'm one of those people.
I feel like I've thought myself to the point-of-no-return, and that my thoughts have messed up my mind so much that it is permanently changed such that I will never have a good quality of life.
I loved someone and if soulmates exist, they were that for me, but they weren't even a friend. I had loads of opportunities in which I could have told them how I feel and supported them, but I didn't because I was too scared. They ignore me now. That will always be my biggest regret.
I've been too scared to live my life how I want. My potential life has always been an unreachable dream, but up until now I've been under the illusion that it was destined to be; now the only thing I'm destined for is suicide.
I'll die a scared, small, insignificant person, but better that than living and being ignored and entirely unwanted and going insane because of it.
Hopefully my last moments will be peaceful.
Even just mere weeks ago, I'd think I was so ready, but I had some goals.
For the past few days, suicide has been my only goal.
I feel so calm. I feel there are many people whose lives have become too messed-up to be resolved and they become so engrossed in death and suicide that they make themselves really different. I feel like everyone can understand each other to an extent, and are similar to an extent, but once you accept death and make it your sole goal, then you become one of the few people who are so changed from their old selves and so different from most people that they are practically destined to kill themselves. And once they focus on death as their main goal for so long that their personality fades and they're less human and more just a death-focused being, then no-one can relate to them well at all except others in that small subgroup, their potential lives are lost. And I'm one of those people.
I feel like I've thought myself to the point-of-no-return, and that my thoughts have messed up my mind so much that it is permanently changed such that I will never have a good quality of life.
I loved someone and if soulmates exist, they were that for me, but they weren't even a friend. I had loads of opportunities in which I could have told them how I feel and supported them, but I didn't because I was too scared. They ignore me now. That will always be my biggest regret.
I've been too scared to live my life how I want. My potential life has always been an unreachable dream, but up until now I've been under the illusion that it was destined to be; now the only thing I'm destined for is suicide.
I'll die a scared, small, insignificant person, but better that than living and being ignored and entirely unwanted and going insane because of it.
Hopefully my last moments will be peaceful.
