Venting Going to be intubated against my will

[exhausteduntreatable]

I think I have to ctb by any means possible ASAP. I can NOT be hospitalized and intubated against my will. That is absolute hell on earth. I want to scream right now.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

How come they are intubating you against your will?
What's your method?
Safe travels if you decide to go through with it tonight. I wish you peace

 

[summers]

DNR and DNI are only valid for the one hospital visit. If you are not conscious or of sound mind when admitted, your spouse, parents, or executor will make the call. Living wills only cover being placed on long-term life support.

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

How come they are intubating you against your will?
What's your method?
Safe travels if you decide to go through with it tonight. I wish you peace

Anorexia. Crying for the first time in years. I can't be violated like this again.

 

[summers]

Anorexia. Crying for the first time in years. I can't be violated like this again.

Are you using starvation to kill yourself, or is it a disorder that you can't control?

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

Are you using starvation to kill yourself, or is it a disorder that you can't control?

I wanted it to kill me. I have treatment resistant depression. Since I was a child. Government won't euthanize me.

 

[summers]

I wanted it to kill me. I have treatment resistant depression. Since I was a child. Government won't euthanize me.

You will never die by starvation if you have people around you. Even if they visit you once every two weeks. Best advice is to get your eating under control and pick a method that is fast and painless.

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

You will never die by starvation if you have people around you. Even if they visit you once every two weeks. Best advice is to get your eating under control and pick a method that is fast and painless.

My bdd can't cope with a higher weight and it's too late for that. I will be held in a horrific psych hospital indefinitely. I'm screwed.

 

[summers]

My bdd can't cope with a higher weight and it's too late for that. I will be held in a horrific psych hospital indefinitely. I'm screwed.

Fake your recovery. Whatever it takes.

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

Fake your recovery. Whatever it takes.

It's too late at my weight. They will force me into that hellhole psych ward, strap me to a bed, shove a tube down my nose into my stomach and make me gain over 30 pounds. Hell on earth. A waking nightmare. I can't stand the indignity of these people who failed to help me since childhood, made me worse even, putting their disgusting hands on me and taking away my little freedom.
I'm in my basement and don't even have a good way to ctb. Pills and isopropyl are risky, so is leaning forward with a ligature.

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

Left the house quietly and made it to a bridge. Quite busy. People kept asking me to get down and saying to call the police. At nearby park now.

 

[PSYCHO_METAL_X]

Left the house quietly and made it to a bridge. Quite busy. People kept asking me to get down and saying to call the police. At nearby park now.

Update?

 

[haibiantou]

how are you doing now? we are here for you

 

[Hemlock]

Hello @exhausteduntreatable , I've just read your thread up to this point and am so sorry to hear that you're suffering. I wish you peace. Please be careful.

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

how are you doing now? we are here for you

Thanks. I self harmed my arms so badly that typing is difficult. Back at home. Bridge was annoyingly busy so late at night. Considering strangulation tomorrow in work bathroom on break. I am scared to fail at overdose tonight and end up in psych sooner. Looks like I wouldn't go until Monday. I refuse to let those overpaid brain dead hacks have control over my body again.

Hello @exhausteduntreatable , I've just read your thread up to this point and am so sorry to hear that you're suffering. I wish you peace. Please be careful.

Thank you. I despise psychiatry. I know some people have had a good experience but it's idiotic to do this to an adult again when all they succeeded in doing last time is making me worse. It's such a violation of basic human dignity.

 

[Ednospatient]

I'm recovering from EDNOS and I can say, the only way to recover from an eating disorder is to eat.

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

View attachment 76641

Contact the Citizens Commision for Human Rights and get an Advance Medical Directive, may specific for Psychiatry https://www.cchr.org/

Such an Advance Medical Directive in German language:

http://www.kvpm.de/fileadmin/pdf/Downloads/patientenverf%C3%BCgung_april_2013.pdf

please do not take your own life because of fear to get forced psychiatry sir!

I was planning to ctb but this is just speeding it up greatly. I don't have a will or anything in proper order. Couldn't acquire SN. They are an interesting organization but I don't know what they can do. As far as I know the only option here is getting a lawyer once you have been sectioned to contest the diagnosis of you being a danger to yourself. But psychiatrists are given immense power to lock you up and basically subject you to any "treatment". Outrageous.

I'm recovering from EDNOS and I can say, the only way to recover from an eating disorder is to eat.

I want to die.

 

[summers]

I refuse to let those overpaid brain dead hacks have control over my body again.

This isn't to be harsh or argumentative, but if you had control over your body, instead of succumbing to your condition, you wouldn't be in the predicament you are. By giving up control yourself (regardless of the reason - I'm not blaming you at all), you are handing the reigns over to someone else. That's exactly why I said fake it. You need to exhibit some control, make people believe you want to be fixed, and they will leave you alone.

I'm not saying what's happening to you is right or just, but that's the way this world is. You have to play their games sometimes - refusal is not an option (unfortunately, as you know all too well).

Edit: Harming yourself, in an already weakened state, is just making it easier for others to control you. If anything, you need to be as strong as you possibly can to take advantage of any opportunity to escape (in all aspects) that presents itself.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I wanted it to kill me. I have treatment resistant depression. Since I was a child. Government won't euthanize me.

Please start eating, there are much better ways to die than starvation. If you show your good will you will gain important time for acquiring good methods for ctb. I do not know how advanced stage are you in but you should show a good will on your side. You don't have to be happy about this but rushing ctb is never a good thing unless you are in really extreme situation like war and such.

 

[Superdeterminist]

It's fucked what they're doing. If they forcefully intubate against your explicit wishes, they are truly disgusting people. I'm so so sorry that you have to deal with this horror.

 

[summers]

Please start eating, there are much better ways to die than starvation. If you show your good will you will gain important time for acquiring good methods for ctb. I do not know how advanced stage are you in but you should show a good will on your side. You don't have to be happy about this but rushing ctb is never a good thing unless you are in really extreme situation like war and such.

Not disagreeing with you, but won't it be fairly easy to just get killed by the enemy during a war? Seems like you wouldn't have to ctb - just fight for whatever side you support, and volunteer for a dangerous or suicide assignment. At least you would die for something you believe in. Wish this was an option for me...

It's fucked what they're doing. If they forcefully intubate against your explicit wishes, they are truly disgusting people. I'm so so sorry that you have to deal with this horror.

She is clinically not of sound mind - the hospital staff know she is trying to kill herself or at least a threat to herself. Self harming wounds on the arms won't help her case. They believe they are saving her. They are not disgusting people, just naive or misinformed.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Not disagreeing with you, but won't it be fairly easy to just get killed by the enemy during a war? Seems like you wouldn't have to ctb - just fight for whatever side you support, and volunteer for a dangerous or suicide assignment. At least you would die for something you believe in. Wish this was an option for me...

That is not how professional army works, and they would never (I am really sorry) hire a person with anorexia and long history of depression. Why go for additional pain of being in hard military training, possibly being bullied and under heavy stress for few months to year before dying god knows when. Better to choose time for yourself. Army method is for the people who are passively suicidal and otherwise healthy individuals with stron will and morals. It is not for people who want to ctb.
Besides quality of death is very low for soldier, you get shot to random place in a body and you might survive just to suffer and be discharged with ptsd.

 

[summers]

That is not how professional army works, and they would never (I am really sorry) hire a person with anorexia and long history of depression. Why go for additional pain of being in hard military training, possibly being bullied and under heavy stress for few months to year before dying god knows when. Better to choose time for yourself. Army method is for the people who are passively suicidal and otherwise healthy individuals with stron will and morals. It is not for people who want to ctb.
Besides quality of death is very low for soldier, you get shot to random place in a body and you might survive just to suffer and be discharged with ptsd.

War fought by professional soldier on both side will be hard on people, but most won't be involved in a way that I think would make them want to kill themselves. I was thinking more along the lines of the plight of groups like the Yazidis, who are left to fend for themselves against a much stronger enemy.

 

[fox_wannabe]

War fought by professional soldier on both side will be hard on people, but most won't be involved in a way that I think would make them want to kill themselves. I was thinking more along the lines of the plight of groups like the Yazidis, who are left to fend for themselves against a much stronger enemy.

You just tell him to go to active warzone while he just want to die? What is the benefit of this to anybody? There is no benefit to anybody in participating in gorilla warfare.

 

[summers]

Please start eating, there are much better ways to die than starvation. If you show your good will you will gain important time for acquiring good methods for ctb. I do not know how advanced stage are you in but you should show a good will on your side. You don't have to be happy about this but rushing ctb is never a good thing unless you are in really extreme situation like war and such.

You just tell him to go to active warzone while he just want to die? What is the benefit of this to anybody? There is no benefit to anybody in participating in gorilla warfare.

Um... no. You were the one to first mention a warzone, and how being in one is a reason to ctb expeditiously. I was simply pointing out that under certain circumstances, people who are suicidal, but physically healthy, could be killed in such an environment fighting for a cause they believed in. I never once suggested this for the op.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Um... no. You were the one to first mention a warzone, and how being in one is a reason to ctb expeditiously. I was simply pointing out that under certain circumstances, people who are suicidal, but physically healthy, could be killed in such an environment fighting for a cause they believed in. I never once suggested this for the op.

I am sorry, but whatever. Op should start eating and wait for better method if he is so determined at ctb

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

This isn't to be harsh or argumentative, but if you had control over your body, instead of succumbing to your condition, you wouldn't be in the predicament you are. By giving up control yourself (regardless of the reason - I'm not blaming you at all), you are handing the reigns over to someone else. That's exactly why I said fake it. You need to exhibit some control, make people believe you want to be fixed, and they will leave you alone.

I'm not saying what's happening to you is right or just, but that's the way this world is. You have to play their games sometimes - refusal is not an option (unfortunately, as you know all too well).

Edit: Harming yourself, in an already weakened state, is just making it easier for others to control you. If anything, you need to be as strong as you possibly can to take advantage of any opportunity to escape (in all aspects) that presents itself.

The doctors were called in on me for exhibiting signs of severe depression. I was actually hiding my weight pretty well seeing as people thought I was a lot heavier than I truly am. Even the person I live with. It's pretty hard to cover up suicidal depression completely. I have never been a good actress. So technically it's the severe depression that has landed me here but the BMI of 13 that is exacerbating it. I take your point, and if I was at a higher weight that would be a feasible game. You can play along and probably stay out of hospital but not at this stage.

 

[summers]

I am sorry, but whatever. Op should start eating and wait for better method if he is so determined at ctb

Agree 100%. Sorry there was a misunderstanding between us.

 

[exhausteduntreatable]

Please start eating, there are much better ways to die than starvation. If you show your good will you will gain important time for acquiring good methods for ctb. I do not know how advanced stage are you in but you should show a good will on your side. You don't have to be happy about this but rushing ctb is never a good thing unless you are in really extreme situation like war and such.

Starvation is just slow. I am going to be force fed so I would rather ctb before that. I weigh 78 pounds right now. As a victim of rape and abuse I really cannot cope with forcible confinement and bodily violation like this. They even have the option of ECT against my will. The terror I feel is indescribable.

 

[Dot]

They even have the option of ECT against my will. The terror I feel is indescribable.

Not solving other issues but can fill in Advanced Decision refusing ECT. In uk, hospital not allowed to break clause even under section..