Help going asap, need advice

[b1ackstar]

basically, everythings really bad rn and i dont see a way out, im gonna do it within the next month AT MOST but need advice for a few things:
- dont wanna end up failing and becoming A vegetable so whats some ways to do it that wont do this? either i die or i dont and im fine, thats it. i can access any substance, was thinking fent, but im no expert soig if thats a bad idea lmk
- how do i get over the 'hurting my family' part? literally the only thing holding me back is the fear of me hurting them, which ik i will
- is there any way to make it hurt less like drugs? like i said i can easily access any
- how do i stop being scared that ill go to hell? i have a very religious family and upbringing and the whole 'suicide is a sin' thing rlly holds me back bcs i dont wanna like burn forever or anything, that sounds kinda ass
- is it worth leaving notes
- my housemates at uni are bad, like really bad, a major reason ive decided to do this. its genuinely horrific with them, my other housemate acc moved in with her bf and has attemped over them before. is it fucked up if i blame them a bt? is it fucked up that i want them to be the ones to find me?

im still kinda young, like im a student, and a lot of my family has attemped to actually killed themselves, makes me feel better knowing they already have that histruy, might make them feel less shitty.
im sorry i really wanted to get better and ive tried but this is so hard

 

[SorrowfulDrugUser]

1. Fentanyl would be fine, really any super synthetic opiate, even some nitazenes would work like isotonitazene. You just gotta take a lot, as you quoted yourself, you don't want the paramedics saving you to live the rest of your life as a vegetable.
2. Can't really answer this, you just need to get over the guilt part. I had it for a little bit but the way I got over it was realizing that they're the same people causing me to feel the way I do. So honest to god, when my time comes I won't have any shame.
3. Yes, Fentanyl, or any super powerful opiate like the nitazenes as mentioned earlier will literally make it painless. You'll just nod out into your forever sleep, ultimately catching your bus.
4. I grew up with religious parents, however, they never really cared if I agreed with it or not. Because of this, I don't have any guilt over this or whatever. So similar to answer #2, you just need to kinda get over the guilt part.
5. If you so wish, notes aren't required, but if you'd like to leave the world with a final statement then be your own guest. Just don't let anyone see [set] notes and or messages until after you catch the bus.
6. Not at all, my peers/classmates are too a large reason as to why I'm so suicidal.

Side Note: My heart breaks for you as I'm in a similar position. I have a good living situation but my peers at the place I study are awful, it's a hellhole. I hope you find peace, wherever that may be.

 

[carnivalforone]

hey first of all i wanna say im sorry its gotten that bad if its any help u can always vent , as for the first thing its one of the main reasons i havent attempted yet, this crazy fear that if i fail ill be forced to watch as i keep living not being able to have any say or even react. hell on earth. i have no advice other than just researching the mortality rate of wtv method u choose and doing proper setting up. the hurting your family part, like you said theyre religious theyll come up with their own ways to cope probably through god and be fine in the long run thats just how religion is. drugs like benzos and most opiates will either relax u or mellow you out enough that u literally wont feel a thing, its why people get so addicted to them. as for being scared about going to hell think about it like this, god is good right, god is merciful, god sees how youre suffering and if he truly is as good as he should be then he'll understand why you did it. youll go to purgatory and once youre clean youll go to heaven. god shouldn't punish you for wanting a way out. i come from a religious background and although im def not as religious as them i know for a fact god exists so i mean if god is said to be good and merciful, he'll understand your reasoning, he knows what youre going through and youll be okay. if notes give you closure you should definitely leave them if u wanna say goodbye to someone or explain why to someone u cared about u should do wtv your heart thinks is right. as for blaming other people or wanting them to find u is fucked up, in your instance it is not since they are the ones causing u pain as well, its normal to want revenge or some sort of way to get back at them.