The method that I would see as being the best is Nembutal but nobody can get that. I think the problem with that question is that we exist in such an anti suicide society where any more peaceful methods get restricted, suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult in this world. But there is a suicide resource complination on here for method research, there are no easy answers to this though, if suicide was more straightforward I would be long gone. I wish you the best, it sounds really awful what you have to endure, life certainly is so unnecessarily cruel.