giving up through living vicariously?

[everythingblack]

I've considered the possibility of throwing all of my responsibilities to the wind and completely reinventing myself instead of ctb. I want to follow a villain arc out of spite of performing a certain way all my life and appeasing others. In a way it would be burning my old life to the ground, and I would have no inhibitions because I could always end things any moment from there.
My only issue is I'm too depressed to actually carry out any form of new self-expression or improvement. I don't even have the motivation to ctb let alone hold grudges or just... live life.
I've always used escapism as a coping mechanism, which explains why I spend all my time playing video games, daydreaming, or thinking of cosplays. I just don't want to exist in THIS world. It sucks that we're limited to our physical realities and left to suffer.
Do you guys have a bucket list of things you want to do or identities you'd like to embody?

 

[jitendrabagaria786@]

Daydreaming led me here... I Daydreamed so much stuff and now I know it can't be possible so I now I would ctb instead

 

[hungry_ghost]

I feel the exact same way.

I've been looking to reinvent myself for ages, and yet I just feel like a husk; a non-entity.

It's easy to see where one needs to make improvements, yet incredibly difficult to put into practice.

 

[HappyForever?]

I wish I could reinvent myself, but that would involve rewiring habits and instincts formed over years, and it would be close to impossible. Besides, my biggest drawback cannot be reinvented, and it would continue to plague me in my new life.

 

[DreamSurfer]

I think about this a lot. I have family, and friends, but think sometimes it would be nice if I just deleted all of my social media, got a different phone number, and started living a whole different life somewhere far from all that I know. But I question if I just want this to try and fill or lessen the empty void caused by BPD.

When I traveled sometimes for work, I would be far from home where nobody knows me. I didn't know anyone or the area, it was it very freeing. Less life responsibilities and less attachments to people, sounds invigorating.

 

[lights_are_on]

I think about this a lot. I have family, and friends, but think sometimes it would be nice if I just deleted all of my social media, got a different phone number, and started living a whole different life somewhere far from all that I know. But I question if I just want this to try and fill or lessen the empty void caused by BPD.

When I traveled sometimes for work, I would be far from home where nobody knows me. I didn't know anyone or the area, it was it very freeing. Less life responsibilities and less attachments to people, sounds invigorating.

I know what you mean. I sometimes want to not tell anyone, move countries, change my phone number, I don't have social media so that doesn't matter. Experience the feeling of true freedom and independence. Not having to mask my true character. +easier to ctb

 

[FuneralCry]

There is nothing that I want to do, personally, apart from ceasing to exist. I think that as long as I am alive there will always be suffering, and that fact is horrifying. I would prefer to just escape from it all and finally rest. To me, non existence is preferable to any life.

 

[DreamSurfer]

I know what you mean. I sometimes want to not tell anyone, move countries, change my phone number, I don't have social media so that doesn't matter. Experience the feeling of true freedom and independence. Not having to mask my true character. +easier to ctb

I upped and left a place that I lived for most of my life to partially do just that. To make it easier for the disconnect from people I know, to begin the process of making it easier to ctb.

 

[lights_are_on]

I upped and left a place that I lived for most of my life to partially do just that. To make it easier for the disconnect from people I know, to begin the process of making it easier to ctb.

That's cool man, that's what I'm hoping to do

 

[AprilieJalnic]

check out r/escapingprisonplanet