Venting Girlfriend problems

[Ilovemycats]

So I'm dating someone, and to be frank she isn't fully stable either to be honest, she cries a lot- like A LOT. Sometimes she can't do her schoolwork which is quite understandable, there is also a chance that she has long covid (which from what I understood is covid that doesn't exactly go away).

And that all is fine, I'll try helping her as much as I can but there are just moments where she makes me feel the worst. She knows that I struggle too and because of that she feels bad and keeps mentioning that she can't live without, and won't know what to do if I'll leave her or die. She has literal panic attacks if I don't respond to her for a day or if I suddenly don't answer her.

I kinda despise that, it's makes me feel horrible especially when I seriously don't want to breathe anymore, it also feels like my fault that she feels horrible because I was one that confessed. Like if I never did that then maybe she would've felt better.

What also doesn't help is her constantly saying that I can talk to her when i'm feeling like shit. But when I do reach out to her she starts sobbing and staying quiet not knowing what to do. Don't get me wrong it's fine if you're bad at comforting people but atleast don't offer it when all you're gonna do is sob and stare into the void. It simply doesn't help and does exactly the opposite.

I love her but i'm also getting tired of being her support pillar and reason to actively live especially when i'm literally suicidal..

 

[RoseGirl]

daily insane bpd thread.
As for actual advice, hopefully if she doesn't know much about suicide you can probably safely break up with them.
Maybe u need to have a talk w them about them seeking mental health support, if she isn't already on it. Antidepressant might help her cope when you're trying to vent to her about stuff.
In the state she's in now it seams like she takes significantly more then what you're capable of giving.
ig another option is to like put the relationship on freeze but, since she has mad bpd energy that probably won't work out.

 

[Ilovemycats]

daily insane bpd thread.
As for actual advice, hopefully if she doesn't know much about suicide you can probably safely break up with them.
Maybe u need to have a talk w them about them seeking mental health support, if she isn't already on it. Antidepressant might help her cope when you're trying to vent to her about stuff.
In the state she's in now it seams like she takes significantly more then what you're capable of giving.
ig another option is to like put the relationship on freeze but, since she has mad bpd energy that probably won't work out.

We're both on some professional help, but it's pretty new for both of us, she had to wait longer for it because waitlines suck. And to be honest I am too scared to even mention any of what I said here because i know that she would blame herself and get really upset. And I don't exactly want to break up with her either- I am just stuck on what to do that wouldn't hurt any of us.. (*T^T)

 

[Fadenself00]

I'm pretty sure she is already aware of how exactly this dynamic makes you feel, and thought about it it extreme emotional detail already.
She seems to be pushing the boundaries of what is currently possible for her mind in terms of offering support and such, but the fact that she still tells you to always talk to her, if you're not doing well, shows that this is really deeply what she wants to be like to you, and I'm certain it hurts horribly for her, to not be able to follow through with it.

Please don't make the mistake of putting a label on this, and just try to speak into her core self. This can really uplift her from this situation (at least temporarily) and helps you guys to find a solution on how to deal with these feelings (from both of you).


If the situation feels right, (it's a somewhat comfy evening or something) start initiating a conversation like that, and see where it takes you.
I highly doubt she is 'bpd-crazy' and I think she just deeply loves you and can't quite reach what she would like to be for you.

 

[motob]

Honestly, this sounds like a really difficult situation. Even between two perfectly well adjusted people with no underlying mental health issues, breakups are painful. There's no way around that.

You've mentioned that both of you have recently started receiving professional help. Wait lists are definitely a PITA,,, but it usually takes a good while to see the effects of that. It's a great start.

I'm not a professional in any capacity, but if you want the relationship to stay together, I'd advise sticking with the therapy for a while, and focusing on improving individually. Also, try to see if you can encourage seeking support from other people (friends/family?). It's just not sustainable to be one person's pillar for so long (as you've felt). From a birds eye view tho, this relationship doesn't seem healthy at all, and I wouldn't fault you for just needing to leave. Their safety isn't just your responsibility even if it feels that way. If they enter active crisis, that seems like a task for emergency services.


Also, don't beat yourself up for confessing! You absolutely did not cause your gf's mental distress. At the crux of all this, it sounds like yall both need more involved work with professionals. Be kind to yourself, you're in a hard situation.

Hope things work out for both of you.

 

[Fadenself00]

I'm pretty sure she is already aware of how exactly this dynamic makes you feel, and thought about it it extreme emotional detail already.
She seems to be pushing the boundaries of what is currently possible for her mind in terms of offering support and such, but the fact that she still tells you to always talk to her, if you're not doing well, shows that this is really deeply what she wants to be like to you, and I'm certain it hurts horribly for her, to not be able to follow through with it.

Please don't make the mistake of putting a label on this, and just try to speak into her core self. This can really uplift her from this situation (at least temporarily) and helps you guys to find a solution on how to deal with these feelings (from both of you).


If the situation feels right, (it's a somewhat comfy evening or something) start initiating a conversation like that, and see where it takes you.
I highly doubt she is 'bpd-crazy' and I think she just deeply loves you and can't quite reach what she would like to be for you.

Also, keep in mind that labels are just man-made and can over-simplify and dismiss unique thought-patterns and emotional reactions, that make you an individual. (This is one of the biggest issues with the current mental health system, and can lead to disastrous outcomes.. [don't ask me how I know lol])