Discussion Girl i love is dead

[ir0noxygen]

Hi everybody! Im sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
So girl i have dated at the time, killled herself two years ago. It was absolutely devastating experience for me, im still messed up after that. I had suicidal thoughts since i was 14, but years later, after it started to get better, im again into pieces. She was the best person i have ever known.( and i miss her everyday. She was 17 when she died, and i dont think ill ever forgive myself. Im currently in a relationship with my best friend, and he is really supportive and sweet, but it gets hard for me to live with this guilt im carrying. Im wondering if any of you had similar struggles? How are you doing now? I thought it would be nice to hear your stories.
Thank you

 

[Abyssal]

I haven't experienced anything similar, but I can tell this person meant a lot to you. You are a good person, I wish life were kinder.

 

[Meteora]

I m so sorry to hear that. Do you think you should have saved her? Did she speak about it with you?
I just hope you ll be able to let go of her and if the guilt.

 

[PROJECT: Extase]

This might be a bad thing to say but i am kind of jealous that she has someone to miss her. No one will really miss me. Hope she found peace regardless

 

[ir0noxygen]

This might be a bad thing to say but i am kind of jealous that she has someone to miss her. No one will really miss me. Hope she found peace regardless

I dont think its a bad thing. But there is always someone to miss you after youre gone, even if you are not aware of it. I have felt the same, before my attempt, and im sure that she felt that way as well. Im really sorry that you have to go through feelings like that feeling alone. Text me if you need anything ill do my best to help!

I m so sorry to hear that. Do you think you should have saved her? Did she speak about it with you?
I just hope you ll be able to let go of her and if the guilt.

Thank you for your kind words. I think i could have done a ton of things to help her. I was aware that she had some helath problems bc of her sh scars, but she never really told me anything about that. A while before she commited,she send me a message with goodbyes and apologies. I saw her at school the day before, and the day she attempted she was asking about me my friends, but i was alredy at home. there are many things i regret not doing, but the most terrifying to know is that she died not knowing how much she meant to me.

 

[ir0noxygen]

I haven't experienced anything similar, but I can tell this person meant a lot to you. You are a good person, I wish life were kinder.

Thank you, life is the worst for people with best hearts. She was truly an angel, and I hope shes not suffering anymore.

 

[StaringIntoAnAbyss]

Hi everybody! Im sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
So girl i have dated at the time, killled herself two years ago. It was absolutely devastating experience for me, im still messed up after that. I had suicidal thoughts since i was 14, but years later, after it started to get better, im again into pieces. She was the best person i have ever known.( and i miss her everyday. She was 17 when she died, and i dont think ill ever forgive myself. Im currently in a relationship with my best friend, and he is really supportive and sweet, but it gets hard for me to live with this guilt im carrying. Im wondering if any of you had similar struggles? How are you doing now? I thought it would be nice to hear your stories.
Thank you

Holy shit that must be absolutely devastating hope you doing somewhat alright i can imagine it's really hard for you to overcome guilt but maybe getting some distraction and time makes it a bit more bearable ? It's different for everyone so I really hope you can find a way to get some peace with your thoughts

 

[Meteora]

Thank you for your kind words. I think i could have done a ton of things to help her. I was aware that she had some helath problems bc of her sh scars, but she never really told me anything about that. A while before she commited,she send me a message with goodbyes and apologies. I saw her at school the day before, and the day she attempted she was asking about me my friends, but i was alredy at home. there are many things i regret not doing, but the most terrifying to know is that she died not knowing how much she meant to me.

Thats so sad . I guess, you were very young, too at the time and how could you have known all this? You can maybe try to forgive yourself and tell her now how much she meant to you.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Please, OP, don't fall into the rabbit hole of blaming yourself and thinking you could save her. You didn't know about what she was going to do and so you shouldn't blame yourself.

You seem like such a kind soul, and I wish only for your healing from this and hope you are eventually able to feel better.

 

[Doemu]

No doubt. This world is HELL.

 

[AshClouds]

You shouldn't blame yourself for it. Whenever someone dies who is close to you, it natural to think that you didn't do enough, Its easy to look back and blame yourself, but you're not to blame.

 

[AmyAstral0]

Hi everybody! Im sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
So girl i have dated at the time, killled herself two years ago. It was absolutely devastating experience for me, im still messed up after that. I had suicidal thoughts since i was 14, but years later, after it started to get better, im again into pieces. She was the best person i have ever known.( and i miss her everyday. She was 17 when she died, and i dont think ill ever forgive myself. Im currently in a relationship with my best friend, and he is really supportive and sweet, but it gets hard for me to live with this guilt im carrying. Im wondering if any of you had similar struggles? How are you doing now? I thought it would be nice to hear your stories.
Thank you

hey, i've been in a similar experience, i absolutely understand how you feel. i was with someone when they killed themselves, i understand how abolutely destroying how it is. i hope you're doing ok, as best you can.

 

[ir0noxygen]

FfggggHoly shit that must be absolutely devastating hope you doing somewhat alright i can imagine it's really hard for you to overcome guilt but maybe getting some distraction and time makes it a bit more bearable ? It's different for everyone so I really hope you can find a way to get some peace with your thoughts

thank you, its very kind of you to say. I didnt expect so much support from this community, and im gratefull for such amount of kidness

hey, i've been in a similar experience, i absolutely understand how you feel. i was with someone when they killed themselves, i understand how abolutely destroying how it is. i hope you're doing ok, as best you can.

Im really sorry for you, i cant even imagine how scary that was, how are you doing now? I hope the best for you too

 

[nembutal]

i lost my ex to fent i cry sometimes knowing i'll never love someone or receive love from anyone in the manner i did from him ever again. i was still using when he died so i think to myself if i had stopped earlier and shown him that it's possible being sober he wouldn't have relapsed and died. it's tough, it gets better with time, it's been a year now. i won't say that it gets less painful, it just gets easier to find distractions and be hopeful. for right now i feel like the only way i will move on completely is replacing him which is virtually impossible because he was truly one of a kind. i set a goal to work on myself and "personalitymaxx" (sorry) to try and get the same kind of affection from another person in the future. my dms are open if you need to talk, i also like my little pony and my favorite is maud.

 

[ir0noxygen]

thank you, its very kind of you to say. I didnt expect so much support from this community, and im gratefull for such amount of kidness

Im really sorry for you, i cant even imagine how scary that was, how are you doing now? I hope the best for you too

Thank you so much for asking, it means the world to me. Again im sorry for grammar mistakes, and venting? Idk, im not very used to telling the truth. Honestly, im not doing very well, im failing every class and i feel like im a problem for my friends and parents. I see them trying to make me happy in every way that they can, but im just so tired of faking being alright, so it hurts even more to see them worried abt me. I feel like ever since her death everything i do just turns to shit, and sometimes i dont see hope, but I suppose it's somehow okay. I don't think I will ever deal with her death since she was very dear to me, but i get used to this pain with time.
The scariest part is that when you lose someone to suicide, you are scared that everyone else will leave. It terrifies me how easy life can turn around in just a couple minutes.

i lost my ex to fent i cry sometimes knowing i'll never love someone or receive love from anyone in the manner i did from him ever again. i was still using when he died so i think to myself if i had stopped earlier and shown him that it's possible being sober he wouldn't have relapsed and died. it's tough, it gets better with time, it's been a year now. i won't say that it gets less painful, it just gets easier to find distractions and be hopeful. for right now i feel like the only way i will move on completely is replacing him which is virtually impossible because he was truly one of a kind. i set a goal to work on myself and "personalitymaxx" (sorry) to try and get the same kind of affection from another person in the future. my dms are open if you need to talk, i also like my little pony and my favorite is maud.

Im so sorry for your loss, im glad upu got sober, and i hope you are doing better. I love that you didnt give up, it gives me so much hope, you seem like such a strong person. Yes, i feel the same about never receiving love form anyone the same way. Im in relationship rn, and i can say that the love i get feels totally different, but is not worse than the previous one. Its just a lot different, and its so fucking scary at first, but it gets better.
I really hope that youll find someone to show you loads of love when you are ready for it, you deserve the world dear.
Mlp is such a comfort show for me, i have watched it when i was a kid, and it remembered me aby so many memories i have forgotten about.

hey, i've been in a similar experience, i absolutely understand how you feel. i was with someone when they killed themselves, i understand how abolutely destroying how it is. i hope you're doing ok, as best you can.

Thank you for your reply Im glad someone gets me. How are you doing now?

Please, OP, don't fall into the rabbit hole of blaming yourself and thinking you could save her. You didn't know about what she was going to do and so you shouldn't blame yourself.

You seem like such a kind soul, and I wish only for your healing from this and hope you are eventually able to feel better.

Thank you so much for your support. Its not that easy to not blame myself, but im trying to live with it rn.
I wouldnt consider myself as a good person, but still, im very grateful for your reply.

 

[outrider567]

Hi everybody! Im sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
So girl i have dated at the time, killled herself two years ago. It was absolutely devastating experience for me, im still messed up after that. I had suicidal thoughts since i was 14, but years later, after it started to get better, im again into pieces. She was the best person i have ever known.( and i miss her everyday. She was 17 when she died, and i dont think ill ever forgive myself. Im currently in a relationship with my best friend, and he is really supportive and sweet, but it gets hard for me to live with this guilt im carrying. Im wondering if any of you had similar struggles? How are you doing now? I thought it would be nice to hear your stories.
Thank you

lost my girlfriend of 35 years, 2 years ago last January--still in shock, still depressed, still miserable