Gifts and Traumatic Relationships

[Deleted member 17331]

Should I feel bad about wanting my ex-mates' gifts to turn to ashes? It may seem small or even insensitive, but seeing these things in my closet makes me fall into deep despair.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day in my country. And after hearing and reading so many songs, advertisements, romantic movies and people saying "Love can save you" and "Love is happiness", I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.

I have had many unpleasant experiences in my last two relationships. Abuses and persecution are haunting me today.

Yesterday for the first time, I was feeling ready to burn all this (gifts), but then I heard this:

"Are you going to throw this away? Give it to me!", "You're just being dramatic" and "You're cruel".

And I heard it from members of my family, who live with me, but it seems they don't know my story and don't even want to know it. But I think I would hear it anywhere else.

Every damn place I walk in I find someone idealizing 'love', however sickly and cruel it may be. Completely ignoring people who have had a traumatic experience.

Those things are in my closet. At the moment, I'm afraid to open it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

The gifts are your property and they are yours to do with as you please.

They weren't loans, and you have no obligations to anyone but yourself in this regard. It's no one else's damn business what you do with your own property or why.

 

[Deleted member 17331]

The gifts are your property and they are yours to do with as you please.

They weren't loans, and you have no obligations to anyone but yourself in this regard. It's no one else's damn business what you do with your own property or why.

Thank you, it's great to hear that!
I was taught from my childhood that it was my duty to keep everything they gave me, even if the memories were painful.

 

[Dead beat dad]

This might sound out of character for me, but if it were me I'd burn that fucking stuff like I was burned by said love. You're a person with feelings. You have the right to be angry

 

[Anonymoussn]

Love is an idealised concept in general. In films and in tv you will see it treated like a magical thing, to gear your life towards. Yes, love can save you. But it can also break you. So dont be too miserable just because it hasn't worked out that way, it's the case for many others too!

 

[FranCanSee]

No way, you are free to burn them!

 

[K-O]

Every damn place I walk in I find someone idealizing 'love', however sickly and cruel it may be. Completely ignoring people who have had a traumatic experience.

life\love is traumatic!
burn mf! i love watching thing turn to ashes.. it doesnt change the past but can give you a boost forward! x

 

[Deleted member 18655]

FWIW, I had a box like that. At first it was better having everything in the box in a closet rather than in plain sight. Soon, though, I couldn't stand knowing everything was there, almost calling to me. It became a box of nothing but pain. So I got rid of it. It didn't lessen the pain at all, but I'm not tempted to open it like an old wound.