Venting Getting worse

[Life_and_Death]

Im conscious of it and can't do shit about it. I'm not talking to my friend, my other friend or my husband. I haven't been sharing with anyone, anywhere.

I don't trust that they care. My female friend I do but she has her own problems but my friend and my husband.....i just can't talk. All I want to do is cry. And trying to tell myself it's not true doesn't help. I've been trying to fight it but at this point I just want to be alone.

I don't want to be the crazy person that pushed everyone away but I'm basically at that point. I blocked my friend... Again.... because of it. I cant talk to my husband about any of it. And I'm not even sure talking can help.... I've tried talking. I told my friend I don't trust you but I'm trying. Well considering he's blocked that's clearly not helping.

I feel so alone.....

 

[nopointofliving]

Well, I don't talk to anyone nowadays. I isolate myself more and more. Yesterday, I talked to a friend, and was telling him : please be kind to me. And he replied that he's gonna share his opinions whether I like or not. I think noone really understands, noone really cares. I'm completely lonely with my thoughts. You know dear sister, life is our battle. No one would fight for us. I'm sorry to say this to you and I'm sorry to say this for myself as well. I don't know why life has been too mean to us. Why does no one care about us? why are we the ones to be left alone? why ? why? I don't know! Regardless, I decided to stand for my own thing, to continue living on my terms and die on my terms as well. I'm done asking people for help and getting nothing, I'm done feeling left alone. Sending you many hugs, my dear sister. It shall pass! it shall pass!

 

[Life_and_Death]

Well, I don't talk to anyone nowadays. I isolate myself more and more. Yesterday, I talked to a friend, and was telling him : please be kind to me. And he replied that he's gonna share his opinions whether I like or not. I think noone really understands, noone really cares. I'm completely lonely with my thoughts. You know dear sister, life is our battle. No one would fight for us. I'm sorry to say this to you and I'm sorry to say this for myself as well. I don't know why life has been too mean to us. Why does no one care about us? why are we the ones to be left alone? why ? why? I don't know! Regardless, I decided to stand for my own thing, to continue living on my terms and die on my terms as well. I'm done asking people for help and getting nothing, I'm done feeling left alone. Sending you many hugs, my dear sister. It shall pass! it shall pass!

I'm fairly confident it's not others that is the problem here it's me.
An example is capgras (imposter) syndrome. They honestly believe that the person isn't who they claim to be.
It's like that but with trust. They say it's fine. They say I can talk to them, I just can't bring myself to do it.

 

[8hidden_emotions8]

I understand how you feel, and people who don't know you very well are not going to be the people who will reach out to us when we need it most. That's just part of the isolation of life - lots of people "recognize" the signs of mental illness but couldn't notice it in a loved one. In this sense we have to be our own friend and do what is right for yourselves because no one else will.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I understand how you feel, and people who don't know you very well are not going to be the people who will reach out to us when we need it most. That's just part of the isolation of life - lots of people "recognize" the signs of mental illness but couldn't notice it in a loved one. In this sense we have to be our own friend and do what is right for yourselves because no one else will.

No, that's not what I'm saying

No one ever understands, I'll probably just deleted this thread

 

[8hidden_emotions8]

No, that's not what I'm saying

No one ever understands, I'll probably just deleted this thread

wait don't delete the thread! What are you trying to say? if you say no one understands I get that, help me understand. :(

 

[nopointofliving]

No, that's not what I'm saying

No one ever understands, I'll probably just deleted this thread

Dear sister,
can you explain your feelings better? We are here to listen to you, and try to help. Hugs <3

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm fairly confident it's not others that is the problem here it's me.
An example is capgras (imposter) syndrome. They honestly believe that the person isn't who they claim to be.
It's like that but with trust. They say it's fine. They say I can talk to them, I just can't bring myself to do it.

@8hidden_emotions8

Dear sister,
can you explain your feelings better? We are here to listen to you, and try to help. Hugs <3

I have everything going on inside my head. The people mentioned above know my backstory and my struggles. They're perfectly fine with me talking to them whenever I have a problem. But my trust issues have been getting worse and worse so I'm telling them less and less meanwhile all my problems in general are getting worse I think.

Idk they seem worse but I feel fine. *Of course there's been times where if I had a gun id put a bullet in my head and still swear I'm fine.
On top of that my bpd is in an upswing I guess. Meaning I'm 'not' suicidal. Which really only means I'm less likely to kms. Sometimes I'll play with my fingers like I'm holding the rope.

*While still being slightly dissociated I seem to have detached from myself as well... Awesome. (that actually explains it fairly well. Like there's this layer between the outside world and the inside world where I am.(clarify, I'm in the middle layer))

 

[Bat 17]

Not easy to trust people. Leaves you exposed and risk of being hurt or worse...

Being locked into your head is no good either though. There needs to be some way to release the tension

 

[Life_and_Death]

Not easy to trust people. Leaves you exposed and risk of being hurt or worse...

Being locked into your head is no good either though. There needs to be some way to release the tension

I'm hopeful that will come with my next therapist appointment at the end of the month. I can still talk to her so I'm hopeful she can help me straighten it out with the others.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Not sure if I understand this correctly, but will give it a shot.

You are obviously having trust issues. That much us quite clear. Now, you also are saying you feel detached to the point where you feel like you are someone else, correct?

My "theory" is as such:

You are NOT fond of the person you are currently, so, you are attempting to distance yourself from that by being detached to the point where you are convincing yourself that this isn't you. Rather, it is another "you" that says and does the things you have no control over. By separating the you you currently are with the you you wish to be, you are protecting yourself from yourself in a manner of speaking.

Am sorta familiar with this because just very recently I was on a warpath posting threads about being indifferent and detached and existence being absolutely pointless. During that time I was walking around in a daze. Me, but not really me. Was aware of my surroundings and other people, but I knew this wasn't the sweet, kind, caring me that I usually am. Was a completely different person. One I did not like at all.

It was a scary place to be, but luckily I snapped out of it. So, that's my take on it. Likely off the mark, but, I tried. :)

 

[Life_and_Death]

Not sure if I understand this correctly, but will give it a shot.

You are obviously having trust issues. That much us quite clear. Now, you also are saying you feel detached to the point where you feel like you are someone else, correct?

My "theory" is as such:

You are NOT fond of the person you are currently, so, you are attempting to distance yourself from that by being detached to the point where you are convincing yourself that this isn't you. Rather, it is another "you" that says and does the things you have no control over. By separating the you you currently are with the you you wish to be, you are protecting yourself from yourself in a manner of speaking.

Am sorta familiar with this because just very recently I was on a warpath posting threads about being indifferent and detached and existence being absolutely pointless. During that time I was walking around in a daze. Me, but not really me. Was aware of my surroundings and other people, but I knew this wasn't the sweet, kind, caring me that I usually am. Was a completely different person. One I did not like at all.

It was a scary place to be, but luckily I snapped out of it. So, that's my take on it. Likely off the mark, but, I tried. :)

I think you're trying to mold all of my problems into 1 lol.
I don't think the trust issues has anything to do with the detachment. Actually I know they dont.
Above i mentioned capgras syndrome. I have that. Only it doesn't really effect humans however owning pets is difficult for me. And I also have bpd (which comes with trust issue problems). The trust issues is just a problem I have. Basically a mixture of these 2 problems (well something like capgras)
The detachment I'm assuming is caused by all the voices and emotions (bpd).it can be very overwhelming at times. (of course personally, anything know as a "defense mechinism" by the Brian I've found to just make things worse.)
The layer in front of me (between me and the world) is what's left of the worse dissociation I was dealing with a few months ago.
If that makes sense lol