I find myself outside the realm of "common" for a great deal of things... Sometimes it can be extremely bothersome that the world is designed for someone so different than me and that I can't seem to find a single resource for people like me. There are some areas like this which are just nuisances. For instance, I can never buy clothes that fit comfortably because few stores stock XXS items and my (ideal) bra size is not manufactured and essentially doesn't exist. Food is sold with someone who has a 2000 calorie need and it's difficult for me to find reasonable food when my needs are closer to 1000 just to maintain weight. It's a bit of a frivolous complaint, but it's incredibly annoying that most products are tailored to whoever isn't me and it makes it hard just to get the basic items I need for everyday life.
In other areas, it's much more mentally significant: every online mental health resource for any imaginable problem, whether it's depression, low self-esteem, trauma, or stress, will suggest "surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family." I have nobody close to me in real life, now what? The fact that they never even acknowledge people who have nobody there for them only worsens the feeling of alienation that you'd be bound to have if you were reading these pages to begin with. I have never had any friends in real life, not even in childhood, but I can never seem to find posts from people who relate and it makes me feel incredibly dehumanized that a lot of things people deem to be basic human experiences are completely unrelatable to me. Another thing is that they frequently simply leave it at "seek therapy," which is much easier said than done because extensive childhood trauma from abusive therapists is part of the reason I'm having troubles to begin with. What's the plan for people who had this type of experience? And where is it? Why isn't there any acknowledgement for my situation?
Although I naturally do well in a variety of academic subjects, any job requires much work in teams and my strengths lie very strongly in working independently while I function very poorly in team settings. It seems that any job that isn't manual labor is going to want someone with the opposite personality as me, and I don't have the strength to do physical labor jobs. As a result, there isn't any existing job where my personality isn't viewed as something to overcome, but is viewed as a strength. I'd be open to learning to work better with groups but the extent to which jobs demand that you do so makes it not an issue of getting better at a weakness, but of having to morph into another person entirely; I am simply not a people person at all and I will never come close to being the person who prefers team settings. Why isn't there a job where I can use who I am as a strength? Things like this cause me to feel extremely devalued and I just wonder where in the world are people like me supposed to go. Sometimes I think the reason why I never see anybody like me is because they have all already committed suicide and I wonder why I haven't joined them. The thing is, there are multiple reasons why I'd like to participate in life, but there are so many barriers that block me from being able to thrive the same way as others.
These are just a few examples of some more trivial ways of not fitting in and some more significant ones. I've grown so used to being surprised at how differently the "common person" lives that it's become a huge deal to me when someone does share an experience. Does anyone else relate to such problems and does anyone have any advice? I try to convince myself to view being uncommon in a good light: "Gold is not a diseased metal for its rarity, but a valuable one." Perhaps my unique experiences can reveal or produce things that other people cannot. Other times I tell myself to disregard the rest of the world, asking, who cares if most people are a certain way if I maintain the freedom to be different? Another idea is to hopefully tell myself that I may one day discover a niche, a group, some sort of place in the world which is just right for me, even if it's a bit obscure. These mindsets don't always completely alleviate the pain; after all, humans adapted to have a strong awareness of social conformity and belonging. Part of why being different is alarming to me is not because I view it as inherently negative, but because I fear that others will oppress me for it and limit my opportunities to enjoy life. So it isn't entirely that I don't accept myself, but that I am afraid that other people will not. Has anyone else found a helpful strategy to reduce the anxiety of being different and stop worrying for themselves?
Thanks, if you read all of my vent. I don't really enjoy complaining emotionally, especially where others can see, but today is a vulnerable day for me and I find that people here are rather accepting of those who need to release some less-than-positive energy.
In other areas, it's much more mentally significant: every online mental health resource for any imaginable problem, whether it's depression, low self-esteem, trauma, or stress, will suggest "surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family." I have nobody close to me in real life, now what? The fact that they never even acknowledge people who have nobody there for them only worsens the feeling of alienation that you'd be bound to have if you were reading these pages to begin with. I have never had any friends in real life, not even in childhood, but I can never seem to find posts from people who relate and it makes me feel incredibly dehumanized that a lot of things people deem to be basic human experiences are completely unrelatable to me. Another thing is that they frequently simply leave it at "seek therapy," which is much easier said than done because extensive childhood trauma from abusive therapists is part of the reason I'm having troubles to begin with. What's the plan for people who had this type of experience? And where is it? Why isn't there any acknowledgement for my situation?
Although I naturally do well in a variety of academic subjects, any job requires much work in teams and my strengths lie very strongly in working independently while I function very poorly in team settings. It seems that any job that isn't manual labor is going to want someone with the opposite personality as me, and I don't have the strength to do physical labor jobs. As a result, there isn't any existing job where my personality isn't viewed as something to overcome, but is viewed as a strength. I'd be open to learning to work better with groups but the extent to which jobs demand that you do so makes it not an issue of getting better at a weakness, but of having to morph into another person entirely; I am simply not a people person at all and I will never come close to being the person who prefers team settings. Why isn't there a job where I can use who I am as a strength? Things like this cause me to feel extremely devalued and I just wonder where in the world are people like me supposed to go. Sometimes I think the reason why I never see anybody like me is because they have all already committed suicide and I wonder why I haven't joined them. The thing is, there are multiple reasons why I'd like to participate in life, but there are so many barriers that block me from being able to thrive the same way as others.
These are just a few examples of some more trivial ways of not fitting in and some more significant ones. I've grown so used to being surprised at how differently the "common person" lives that it's become a huge deal to me when someone does share an experience. Does anyone else relate to such problems and does anyone have any advice? I try to convince myself to view being uncommon in a good light: "Gold is not a diseased metal for its rarity, but a valuable one." Perhaps my unique experiences can reveal or produce things that other people cannot. Other times I tell myself to disregard the rest of the world, asking, who cares if most people are a certain way if I maintain the freedom to be different? Another idea is to hopefully tell myself that I may one day discover a niche, a group, some sort of place in the world which is just right for me, even if it's a bit obscure. These mindsets don't always completely alleviate the pain; after all, humans adapted to have a strong awareness of social conformity and belonging. Part of why being different is alarming to me is not because I view it as inherently negative, but because I fear that others will oppress me for it and limit my opportunities to enjoy life. So it isn't entirely that I don't accept myself, but that I am afraid that other people will not. Has anyone else found a helpful strategy to reduce the anxiety of being different and stop worrying for themselves?
Thanks, if you read all of my vent. I don't really enjoy complaining emotionally, especially where others can see, but today is a vulnerable day for me and I find that people here are rather accepting of those who need to release some less-than-positive energy.
