Discussion Getting rid of all people who care (cw, mention of SA)

[Soapie]

I realized that I have too many people depending on me. Too many that care about me. I think the best way to ensure I can ctb is to completely cut all ties with all of them. Some are easy, some aren't. Here's a list of all the people I can think of:

-My mom: Easy enough, she's moving back in with my dad who raped me soon so honestly I couldn't give less of a shit about her after that point
-My partner: It's gonna be hard but I think I'll just tell him I cheated on him with a prostitute or something. Just something to make him hate me forever
-My friend: Honestly a tough one. I've known them for over 6 years now. I'm moving soon so I guess the best idea is to just mute them on everything online and not tell them where I'm going

There's more people but I don't think I care about them enough to consider how they'll feel after I die. They'll probably be sad for a day or two and then move on. I don't really have any clear aspirations for my future beyond vague concepts, so I don't think I need to worry about that much. Have you considered cutting people off like this, just to remove all possibility of doubt that it needs to be done? If you did, how did it go for you?

 

[9BBN]

I'm sorry you've had to come to this. I've also entertained the idea of intentionally cutting off ties, but I decided I'll keep those who care about me while I'm alive and just write a note explaining everything if I go. One because of honesty, two because I might change my mind, and three because I worry that cutting ties and then ctb will hurt them even more. That's just me though. I wish we could live and die honestly.

 

[YMN]

I'm sorry to hear about your current situation, it's understandable why you'd want to cut off people in your life.

As for the question, I once cut off an online friend when I was experiencing a severe depressive episode. I was having suicidal ideations, so I thought to cut him off so he wouldn't be as hurt when I ctb. And I do somewhat regret it. He was a nice person and we'd talk a lot over common interests. At first I gradually became more distant, and then I suddenly ghosted him. For a month or so he'd send me texts that started with questioning why I'm not talking to him, to being annoyed at me, to blaming himself and apologizing, and then eventually he stopped messaging me. Obviously I didn't ctb, and by the time I realized I wasn't going through with my plans it was too late to rekindle our friendship. Sometimes I do wonder what he's up to nowadays.

 

[Marktheghost]

If you try to kill yourself but stay alive, then what though?

 

[LittleJem]

I just let my ex know I want to CTB and broke up with him to protect him. I still see him though - we are both pretty lonely without each other. I wanted to give him a safe distance.

Re your mum, that is horrendous and I'm so sorry. I no longer speak to my abusive mother and it does make it easier to CTB without thinking it will affect her/without giving a shit about her:

 

[lms101]

While I think it's an extremely honorable thing to want to do. Once you CTB people tend to mainly only remember the positives. I question whether it would really achieve the intended effect? I could even imagine it doing the opposite. Loved ones may feel guilt for leaving you, or not making more of an effort to stay in your life at a point where they would probably think is when you needed them the most. And anything you did before would probably feel much less significant now that you're gone. People will always find a way to blame themselves.

I also feel like it would be putting too much pressure on myself. I truly believe that one day I'll get the nerve to CTB, but I wouldn't ever want to feel pressured into doing it because of a situation I've put myself in. SI is extremely unpredictable and you're probably never going to be as prepared as you think you are when that moment comes, I'd fear that I'd lose the nerve and then be left in an even worse situation than I'm already in.

 

[FuneralCry]

I only have a few family members, I stopped contact with the friend I had years ago. I am not close to that many people overall. I plan to write a note to family members to try and give them some closure. I do understand why you would want to cut contact with people though. I wish you the best.

 

[LoneMisery]

The only friends i kit with are my bar friends. And only then do i see them there. Ive pushed everyone away imaginable. Its too much work to stay happy for them and to walk around like there is joy in my life. Its easier for me to push them away then for them to see my unhappiness and to dump me. That would hurt worse. I plan on getting a job to where i can support myself and i will move out of my family's house and begin my isolation. In the end theyre not gonna understand it theyre just going to get mad and think im some sort of jerk...which i am. I have no interest in keeping friendships cuz just like another post i dont feel i fit in with anybody. I feel everything i say or do is just so amateur to the rest of the world

 

[Gsvko]

I've cleared my path like this too

 

[Luchs]

In the process now. I cut off all of my friends a week ago.