The secretary of labor announced it today. It was a promise of his party the Social democrats during the election campaign. I supported them for two reasons. A new welfare programm for unemployed people and they promised to allow assisted suicide. This minister/secretary was very likeable for me. He is a huge supported of a better treatment for unemployed people. Poverty is one reason why I am probably forced to kill myself in the future. Though I have read something about him. He is in favor of xtremely strict assisted suicide laws. (which in my point of view contradicts the judgement of the highest court in Germany. Moreover I read today that it is very likely that this draft will be the final one and that complaints of unconstitiutionality might fail. I think the reason is that now a former christian conservative is the highest judge. This changed some time ago.)
Yeah I am very ambivalent about this politican. Since I know his stance on assisted suicide he lost a lot of sympathy for me. There are some details about the new welfare programm. Some things are pretty nice and I welcome them. Though the most important things is not determined. There is an argument in the coalition how high the unemployment benefits will be. The liberal democrats hate the notion of giving unemployed people more money. The chancellor is kind of an opportunist and will probably trait his voters and agree with the liberals. I don't really believe the benefits will be raised a lot. Maybe they adapt it to the inflation but nothing more.
Now to my personal story. If you read my posts you might have read that I try to find rationally the best apporaches to solve my problems. I have two main problems which will likely force me to commit suicide. Poverty due to the fact I cannot work because of my conditions. And the fact that I am bipolar, that it is often a chronical condition and that a relapse another psychosis is sooner or later not that unlikely. I try to play the cards which I have been dealt the best way I can but damn the cards are extremely shitty.
Yeah I ruminated a lot. At first I wanted to do nothing concerning working. Because I was too scared of a relapse. I think after another psychosis the return of the extreme psychosomatic pain is very likely and the last time I was very acute suicidal. I cannot cope with more episodes. The pain was unimaginable. After a while I realized yeah if I do nothing there will come poverty. Two therapists more or less told me that they think I gonna commit suicide if I don't get a stable income. They know that my life quality is already very bad but this would be the straw that broke the camel's neck. First I tried jobs which seemed to be easy. They did not demand much thinking or efforts. Yeah at least this was my imagination. The work increased my depression extremely and it was extremely crippling. It was hell but I pressured me not to give in. After some months I was fired. Because it was obvious that I am a complete mental wreck. When the people looked at me they realized it after 30 seconds that I am in agony. After I was fired my therapist left me. Callling me a hopeless case, noone can help me yada-yada-yada. Gonna suicide. This induced a manic-depressive mixed episode. I could not endure the extreme desperation and horrible pressure.
The time was nightmarish. This state lasted several months. My friends worried a lot because I was extremely agitated and the pain was so much that I had kind of logorrhea. After some months I felt way better. It is not sure why exactly. Maybe a medication helped or it was a coincedence. Then I tried again one of these easy jobs. Again it was extremely crippling. I was very ashamed I had no energy, I was a complete wreck I quit the job before they could fire me.
Yeah I felt better but the problem of the coming poverty was not solved. I swore to me after my second mania/psychosis never to attend college courses again. The last both times induced mania which later led to the crash and the extreme psychosomatic pain. My therapists convinced me to try college again. And yeah I am doing it. I think it is really dangerous and one day I will get a psychosis because of it. It is not unlikely that I wll kill myself because of it in the end. There is the tiny chance that I will get the degree which will enable me to work in an interesting job. Hopefully one that it is not this crippling.
Why am I telling this story in this thread. I always speculated how likely it is that the welfare state gets reformed in such a positive way that I don'
t have to ctb because of low benefits. I watched a lot of lectures on that topic. The topic universal basic income always sounded very great for me. But it is a dangerous bet to hope for that. The problem is: such a reform of a significant better welfare state is unlikely I should not rely on that. On the other hand it is also very unlikely that I will get the degree and being able to work. All my options are and were horrible. I think college will backfire in the end and kill me. But relying on an utopian idea like UBI is also kind of naive.
The news about these reforms gave me a little bit hope. But I still think a solution for my problems is far away. Maybe I have chosen to the wrong path and I should have done nothing/not going to college. It would be kind of ironical or cyncial if my fight against the coming suicide would lead to my suicide. Honestly I always was the butt of the joke in my life. I could well imagine that this will be the cheryy on the top of my personal hellish life. Maybe I should have done nothing instead of fighting every single day for recovery and finding an opportunity to get a job. Though it rather fits my personal belief. Doing nothing and believe fully in determinism is too fatalistic for me.
Thanks for reading this thread. It is kind of long.
Yeah I am very ambivalent about this politican. Since I know his stance on assisted suicide he lost a lot of sympathy for me. There are some details about the new welfare programm. Some things are pretty nice and I welcome them. Though the most important things is not determined. There is an argument in the coalition how high the unemployment benefits will be. The liberal democrats hate the notion of giving unemployed people more money. The chancellor is kind of an opportunist and will probably trait his voters and agree with the liberals. I don't really believe the benefits will be raised a lot. Maybe they adapt it to the inflation but nothing more.
Now to my personal story. If you read my posts you might have read that I try to find rationally the best apporaches to solve my problems. I have two main problems which will likely force me to commit suicide. Poverty due to the fact I cannot work because of my conditions. And the fact that I am bipolar, that it is often a chronical condition and that a relapse another psychosis is sooner or later not that unlikely. I try to play the cards which I have been dealt the best way I can but damn the cards are extremely shitty.
Yeah I ruminated a lot. At first I wanted to do nothing concerning working. Because I was too scared of a relapse. I think after another psychosis the return of the extreme psychosomatic pain is very likely and the last time I was very acute suicidal. I cannot cope with more episodes. The pain was unimaginable. After a while I realized yeah if I do nothing there will come poverty. Two therapists more or less told me that they think I gonna commit suicide if I don't get a stable income. They know that my life quality is already very bad but this would be the straw that broke the camel's neck. First I tried jobs which seemed to be easy. They did not demand much thinking or efforts. Yeah at least this was my imagination. The work increased my depression extremely and it was extremely crippling. It was hell but I pressured me not to give in. After some months I was fired. Because it was obvious that I am a complete mental wreck. When the people looked at me they realized it after 30 seconds that I am in agony. After I was fired my therapist left me. Callling me a hopeless case, noone can help me yada-yada-yada. Gonna suicide. This induced a manic-depressive mixed episode. I could not endure the extreme desperation and horrible pressure.
The time was nightmarish. This state lasted several months. My friends worried a lot because I was extremely agitated and the pain was so much that I had kind of logorrhea. After some months I felt way better. It is not sure why exactly. Maybe a medication helped or it was a coincedence. Then I tried again one of these easy jobs. Again it was extremely crippling. I was very ashamed I had no energy, I was a complete wreck I quit the job before they could fire me.
Yeah I felt better but the problem of the coming poverty was not solved. I swore to me after my second mania/psychosis never to attend college courses again. The last both times induced mania which later led to the crash and the extreme psychosomatic pain. My therapists convinced me to try college again. And yeah I am doing it. I think it is really dangerous and one day I will get a psychosis because of it. It is not unlikely that I wll kill myself because of it in the end. There is the tiny chance that I will get the degree which will enable me to work in an interesting job. Hopefully one that it is not this crippling.
Why am I telling this story in this thread. I always speculated how likely it is that the welfare state gets reformed in such a positive way that I don'
t have to ctb because of low benefits. I watched a lot of lectures on that topic. The topic universal basic income always sounded very great for me. But it is a dangerous bet to hope for that. The problem is: such a reform of a significant better welfare state is unlikely I should not rely on that. On the other hand it is also very unlikely that I will get the degree and being able to work. All my options are and were horrible. I think college will backfire in the end and kill me. But relying on an utopian idea like UBI is also kind of naive.
The news about these reforms gave me a little bit hope. But I still think a solution for my problems is far away. Maybe I have chosen to the wrong path and I should have done nothing/not going to college. It would be kind of ironical or cyncial if my fight against the coming suicide would lead to my suicide. Honestly I always was the butt of the joke in my life. I could well imagine that this will be the cheryy on the top of my personal hellish life. Maybe I should have done nothing instead of fighting every single day for recovery and finding an opportunity to get a job. Though it rather fits my personal belief. Doing nothing and believe fully in determinism is too fatalistic for me.
Thanks for reading this thread. It is kind of long.
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