Story Gather around, I have a story to tell

[HorribleFeelings1]

I still feel like a child, I'm 18 but I don't feel any different. For such a long time I always thought I was going to be a kid, or a teenager. I'm still the goofy kid I am, I am still me, not an adult but me. I'm retarded around my closes friends, I still love to play video games and go out and party, I am not an adult and I don't care who tells me otherwise. This is sad, I've been depressed for too long, I admired suicide like an idol, a feeling with no physical appearance that lives within the depths of you when you're alone. I am still young I think, I am still a kid, who's sitting here listing to music that hurts him the most, writing out this message to everyone. But I am not a kid, why. Why do I have facial hair, why am I so grown up. I can't. I am an adult I think? To think I live in such a beautiful, yet a cruel world. I enjoy my life, I have a mom, my siblings, a house, food, money, entertainment. It is what I do that ruins my life. I was giving the wrong body. I was given the wrong life. I have a good life, but why aren't I grateful, or happy. Because of me, I am the root of my problem. I want to die. Humans are complicated, I am for sure.

You know, I want to give my life to one of you guys, so you can be happy :) sadly I can't, so let me die for everyone's peace and happiness. I truly wonder if there is anyone who has a good life, I understand if you want to die, so you don't have to explain anything to me ;). You've heard it thousands of time, so have I, but from a fellow SS'er who's going to CTB soon, remember, you'll smile one day, cherish it, maybe one day that smile will save you.

I am sad to end this good life I have. I'm grateful for it, I truly am. I want to give everyone my life. Please take it, I don't deserve it, maybe you do! Thank you for listening.

 

[RedDEE]

I would love to have a good life. But I don't want your life. Because if I had your life, I wouldn't be happy, because I would be you. I would rather be happy than to have a good life.

 

[Apathy79]

The title reminds me of the Ballad of Ira Hayes! "Gather round me people, there's a story I would tell..."

I dunno what to say about the rest. I'm 40 and am still retarded around friends, enjoy video games, etc. They're not just kid traits. Hopefully you can figure out why you do the things you do that are causing you so much pain and deal with them effectively. Otherwise misery loves company so you'll continue to fit in here.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I would love to have a good life. But I don't want your life. Because if I had your life, I wouldn't be happy, because I would be you. I would rather be happy than to have a good life.

Sorry for the misunderstanding, What I meant by have my life is I want you to have a good life like mine :)

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I still feel like a child, I'm 18 but I don't feel any different. For such a long time I always thought I was going to be a kid, or a teenager. I'm still the goofy kid I am, I am still me, not an adult but me. I'm retarded around my closes friends, I still love to play video games and go out and party, I am not an adult and I don't care who tells me otherwise. This is sad, I've been depressed for too long, I admired suicide like an idol, a feeling with no physical appearance that lives within the depths of you when you're alone. I am still young I think, I am still a kid, who's sitting here listing to music that hurts him the most, writing out this message to everyone. But I am not a kid, why. Why do I have facial hair, why am I so grown up. I can't. I am an adult I think? To think I live in such a beautiful, yet a cruel world. I enjoy my life, I have a mom, my siblings, a house, food, money, entertainment. It is what I do that ruins my life. I was giving the wrong body. I was given the wrong life. I have a good life, but why aren't I grateful, or happy. Because of me, I am the root of my problem. I want to die. Humans are complicated, I am for sure.

You know, I want to give my life to one of you guys, so you can be happy :) sadly I can't, so let me die for everyone's peace and happiness. I truly wonder if there is anyone who has a good life, I understand if you want to die, so you don't have to explain anything to me ;). You've heard it thousands of time, so have I, but from a fellow SS'er who's going to CTB soon, remember, you'll smile one day, cherish it, maybe one day that smile will save you.

I am sad to end this good life I have. I'm grateful for it, I truly am. I want to give everyone my life. Please take it, I don't deserve it, maybe you do! Thank you for listening.

I can't tell you that it will get better because in my case it hasn't. I've wanted to die since I was in my teens also. I don't want to encourage you to CTB.
I hate to see anyone young CTB but I totally understand. I used to hope my life would get better and for a few years it did in my 20's but then it got shitty again and hasn't let up. Day after day year after year it constantly gets worse.
I would like to add that just because you are 18 doesn't mean you are an adult. Some people who are way older still aren't adults.
I used to have a drunk uncle show up at family functions when I was a kid. I don't think he is alive anymore... he was old when I was young so I doubt he's still alive.
I can't tell you what to do but maybe you may want to give it time ... I don't know. Whatever you decide.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I feel the same way. I have a good life. A good family. Good friends (mostly). I go to a good college. I didn't have it rough. I've always felt terrible about it. I felt terrible because I was supposed to be happy. I am supposed to be happy because I have what people call a good life. I feel guilty because I'm not happy. I'm super fucking depressed! >.< I can relate

I want to be a really little kid again. I was happiest then

I get it. Now here's a virtual hug

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Mate, I'm 30 and I still act like a kid. Mentally, I don't think I'm past 16.
...except I don't have friends to be a moron with...
My main source of "synchronization" is Facebook. By "synchronization" I mean seeing how other people my age act and live.
An old acquaintance I went to school with? Has a hot wife, a kid, and is situated somewhere in Prague. Why Prague? Why not Prague!
Another old acquaintance opened a supermarket. I go there frequently because it's roughly 150m from where I live. Every so often we joke about the old days in school and he keeps repeating "I can't believe you haven't killed yourself after school! Hahahaha". He has no idea. And he sells tobacco for weirdly cheap.
Another old acquaintance I met some months ago is a fucking project manager in IBM! Fucking Christ, I used to bully this guy back then!
Me? I play with stray cats and live in a dump behind my landlord, which I strongly suspect sees me either as an adopted son or a grandson. I struggle to keep my shit in order. Check my place out if you need reassuring on how much you didn't fail life!

So yeah, 30 years old, crazy cat person genes growing.
Hell, I'd take those "adulting classes" American media seems to despise if I had the money or an " adulting school" open nearby. And covid wasn't lurking around.

I ain't calling for a "who failed life harder" pissing contest. You're not alone like this.
I can't call these shots for you, though. That's your struggle.

Keep your travels safe.

 

[BabyYoda]

We have very similar-ish lives (and I'm 18 too) so idk if that's gonna be a good deal lol. Except that I have to deal with this "love" thing in my situation.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I still feel like a child, I'm 18 but I don't feel any different.

I wonder if you are already quite self realised about this? Maybe you haven't fully grown up yet? 18 is just a number. I didn't figure out who I was and gain any real confidence until well into my 20s. I don't know you, so forgive me, I in no way want to belittle what you are feeling. Only you know that. And I could be utterly wrong in suggesting it but... maybe give it a little more time? Maybe if you carry on a little longer you may find these feelings pass. They may not, they don't for some, but for some they do.

 

[Mr2005]

To think all I had to do was use a forum at 18 and I wouldn't want to kill myself. You have a good life ahead of you, don't waste it. It sounds like teen angst but with a level of self realization beyond your years