Gastroparesis will probably be the reason I end up kicking the bucket, I wanted to live then got a chronic illness

[dreaming_of_pearl]

I've been on and off about wanting to die, my girlfriend is amazing and wants me to live and tbh I wanted too to, when I got off Sertraline yeah life was hard but I wanted to live again it was pretty good pretty ok… but then one day every bit of joy was taken from my life pretty much. Suddenly I couldn't digest food i couldn't smoke weed without throwing up I couldn't even walk around much without feeling nauseous and I have a HUGE fear of vomiting.

My wonderful amazing girlfriend has been trying to get me to push though but I'm gonna be honest when I'm not with her with the current state of my health it just doesn't seem viable to me to live, it's like torture and surely the cool embrace of nothingness is better then the pain I fear if I attempt suicide she will break up with me if I fail. Which is understandable I want her to be happy and be with somone who makes her happy.

Recently when I thought the weird Gastroparesis like thing was going away it came back so bad I thought I was gonna die and it's slowly getting worse. The doctors didn't really take me seriously and it's been almost a year waisted and I'm stuck living with my shitty parents and I've never trusted them since I was a child when they hurt me.

The truth is I'm really gonna die in abuse in a place I hate I think. Surrounded by people who only like the version of me that masks a fake me. I don't want to die but death seems so kind compared to whatever this is I just want my gf to be taken care of and her to have peace. If I don't get a ball rolling on treatment by the end of November I'm going to attempt again and this time I don't want to fail my options are limited so I think I want to try and get my hands on one of the firearms in my house to just take myself out that way. My options are limited because my health is so bad I'm so bloated and in pain I do not think I could Ingest enough substance and stuff to not vomit.


I'm scared of dying you know that? I never had the guts to make the jump or take more pills I got scared. Everyone says I'm too much of a pussy to do it so this time I'll try and do it right then I'll prove everyone wrong that I really ain't no bitch, as I tell people like my freind Dan I don't think people belive me… truth is I really am a bitch but if I have to make myself not suffer I'll scream like hell and cry out for a comforting hug one last time when I pull the trigger.

All I ever wanted was my life, but it's going to be such poor quality if I don't get treated. I'm done

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence, I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[TheDog_]

The treatment kind of sucks. You hope the pills work or you get a feeding tube. Some medication was on trial, but was shut down for monetary reasons.

 

[dreaming_of_pearl]

The treatment kind of sucks. You hope the pills work or you get a feeding tube. Some medication was on trial, but was shut down for monetary reasons.

The LAST thing I want is a feeding tube

 

[HD72]

I've been on and off about wanting to die, my girlfriend is amazing and wants me to live and tbh I wanted too to, when I got off Sertraline yeah life was hard but I wanted to live again it was pretty good pretty ok… but then one day every bit of joy was taken from my life pretty much. Suddenly I couldn't digest food i couldn't smoke weed without throwing up I couldn't even walk around much without feeling nauseous and I have a HUGE fear of vomiting.

My wonderful amazing girlfriend has been trying to get me to push though but I'm gonna be honest when I'm not with her with the current state of my health it just doesn't seem viable to me to live, it's like torture and surely the cool embrace of nothingness is better then the pain I fear if I attempt suicide she will break up with me if I fail. Which is understandable I want her to be happy and be with somone who makes her happy.

Recently when I thought the weird Gastroparesis like thing was going away it came back so bad I thought I was gonna die and it's slowly getting worse. The doctors didn't really take me seriously and it's been almost a year waisted and I'm stuck living with my shitty parents and I've never trusted them since I was a child when they hurt me.

The truth is I'm really gonna die in abuse in a place I hate I think. Surrounded by people who only like the version of me that masks a fake me. I don't want to die but death seems so kind compared to whatever this is I just want my gf to be taken care of and her to have peace. If I don't get a ball rolling on treatment by the end of November I'm going to attempt again and this time I don't want to fail my options are limited so I think I want to try and get my hands on one of the firearms in my house to just take myself out that way. My options are limited because my health is so bad I'm so bloated and in pain I do not think I could Ingest enough substance and stuff to not vomit.


I'm scared of dying you know that? I never had the guts to make the jump or take more pills I got scared. Everyone says I'm too much of a pussy to do it so this time I'll try and do it right then I'll prove everyone wrong that I really ain't no bitch, as I tell people like my freind Dan I don't think people belive me… truth is I really am a bitch but if I have to make myself not suffer I'll scream like hell and cry out for a comforting hug one last time when I pull the trigger.

All I ever wanted was my life, but it's going to be such poor quality if I don't get treated. I'm done

Remember I'm here if u need to talk suffering this same disease and several more right along with u. Please please be careful and don't take metaclopramide. I have akathisia and dyskinesia which it can cause and it is a fate worse than death to have all these illnesses. If u r on it go off SLOWLY. I don't want u to be where I am. I have been thinking of u. Every attempt I make to eat or drink I think of u.

 

[TheDog_]

The LAST thing I want is a feeding tube

I knew someone who felt the same. She enjoys (or doesn't seem to mind) her tube last time I talked to her. She changed her mind and I felt left behind because I also don't want a feeding tube. I don't want to starve to death if things get worse, though. That's why I am here to find a method.

 

[augustlnyc]

OMG I have GP too, have a GJ, a central line that was pulled after sepsis. I'm done, for other reasons than GP, been in the hospital for past three months really, still in the hospital still.

 

[HD72]

I've been on and off about wanting to die, my girlfriend is amazing and wants me to live and tbh I wanted too to, when I got off Sertraline yeah life was hard but I wanted to live again it was pretty good pretty ok… but then one day every bit of joy was taken from my life pretty much. Suddenly I couldn't digest food i couldn't smoke weed without throwing up I couldn't even walk around much without feeling nauseous and I have a HUGE fear of vomiting.

My wonderful amazing girlfriend has been trying to get me to push though but I'm gonna be honest when I'm not with her with the current state of my health it just doesn't seem viable to me to live, it's like torture and surely the cool embrace of nothingness is better then the pain I fear if I attempt suicide she will break up with me if I fail. Which is understandable I want her to be happy and be with somone who makes her happy.

Recently when I thought the weird Gastroparesis like thing was going away it came back so bad I thought I was gonna die and it's slowly getting worse. The doctors didn't really take me seriously and it's been almost a year waisted and I'm stuck living with my shitty parents and I've never trusted them since I was a child when they hurt me.

The truth is I'm really gonna die in abuse in a place I hate I think. Surrounded by people who only like the version of me that masks a fake me. I don't want to die but death seems so kind compared to whatever this is I just want my gf to be taken care of and her to have peace. If I don't get a ball rolling on treatment by the end of November I'm going to attempt again and this time I don't want to fail my options are limited so I think I want to try and get my hands on one of the firearms in my house to just take myself out that way. My options are limited because my health is so bad I'm so bloated and in pain I do not think I could Ingest enough substance and stuff to not vomit.


I'm scared of dying you know that? I never had the guts to make the jump or take more pills I got scared. Everyone says I'm too much of a pussy to do it so this time I'll try and do it right then I'll prove everyone wrong that I really ain't no bitch, as I tell people like my freind Dan I don't think people belive me… truth is I really am a bitch but if I have to make myself not suffer I'll scream like hell and cry out for a comforting hug one last time when I pull the trigger.

All I ever wanted was my life, but it's going to be such poor quality if I don't get treated. I'm done

you don't know how much this resonates with me. I'd give anything to have a gun. I have no access to anything and I'm too sick to leave the house and get what I need for gas. My mother promised me a gun then took her promise back. She told me they were gonna just accidentally stumble on a drug to help me. Where she gets this shit I don't know. She's the one who helped get me into this mess. I love her but it hurts to look at her.