Discussion Future CTB

[deathislove]

Hey guys. So in the past I have attempted suicide around 5 times, and it was not until my last 2 attempts that i actually came anywhere close to succeeding. The point of this post is that I am a complex person. I want to end my life but I have tried to discuss the subject with various people and everyone has discouraged me from it and made me feel guilty about it. Im sure many of you can relate. I love some of the people i have surrounded myself with so I have been putting myself through living hell and constant battles everyday to stay alive and see them smile. It is becoming more difficult and the medication isn't working. I have picked up drinking and a couple of drugs again. Everyday I work out a little bit of my suicide plans. I want to start storing some suicide methods. Such as a rope, heroin, blades, and eventually a gun. Does anyone else have similar plans?

 

[Dawn0071111]

Hi Hun, so sorry to hear your suffering has brought you to this point. Yes, I can relate. I have everything for my method ready, but I need it to be planned because I would be leaving responsibilites behind & I want to get all of the affairs in order to make it less crazy for those who are left behind. Its hard because when I realize, Ill be gone for good. It will be all over, I have to make sure that I have weighed it, that continuing to live isn't worth it. The fact is that life is uncertain & unpredictable, so the "what if" of it all just adds to the insanity. Its not a decision to make lightly... And since we have the means & know what to do, might as well just put in that final work... what do you want to do? Moods, circumstances fluctuate also, plus a natural survival instinct, so there is so much going on when one is considering catching the bus. But unless we are at the brink & have an impulsive moment, why rush it? We already have that control now, we can end it if we want to... So I hope your able to navigate your way through the madness & find peace in your decision making process... many on here are here for you as you work it out. ThNks for posting

Huggzzz

 

[deathislove]

Hi Hun, so sorry to hear your suffering has brought you to this point. Yes, I can relate. I have everything for my method ready, but I need it to be planned because I would be leaving responsibilites behind & I want to get all of the affairs in order to make it less crazy for those who are left behind. Its hard because when I realize, Ill be gone for good. It will be all over, I have to make sure that I have weighed it, that continuing to live isn't worth it. The fact is that life is uncertain & unpredictable, so the "what if" of it all just adds to the insanity. Its not a decision to make lightly... And since we have the means & know what to do, might as well just put in that final work... what do you want to do? Moods, circumstances fluctuate also, plus a natural survival instinct, so there is so much going on when one is considering catching the bus. But unless we are at the brink & have an impulsive moment, why rush it? We already have that control now, we can end it if we want to... So I hope your able to navigate your way through the madness & find peace in your decision making process... many on here are here for you as you work it out. ThNks for posting

Huggzzz

Thank you so much for replying. Everything you said is absolutely right. I have been able to control my impulsive thoughts so far (although not in very healthy ways). But overall it was nice to hear that there are others who take their time with the planning and organization of CTB. much love <3