Discussion Funmaxxing before death?

[inevitableandplannd]

I feel more determined than ever to kill myself, and I have my methods and whatnot planned. I was thinking about this whole life thing like a Disneyland ticket, and thought that before I left the boring-ass park I'd go get a churro and go on a ride, so to speak.

Here's what I want to do: psychoactive drugs. Especially DMT, LSD, and shrooms. Always wondered about the DMT elves. Also, steroids. Been working out for about 4 months, still a disgusting lardbucket. Might as well try shrinking my testes for some huge arms; I'm not gonna be using them when I'm dead. Also, fast cars. If I max out my credit card on Turo renting Corvettes before I blow my head off, can Goldman Sachs ask my parents to pay it back?

I only have about 5k to my name but I have insanely good credit and about 22k limit across my cards, so I can't do anything super wild but I have some of the bank's money to piss into the wind. Any other reckless, self-destructive one-offs I should pursue? I believe it was Hunter S Thompson who said something about sliding past the finish line of life all used up and breathless, saying "what a ride!". My life has been the opposite of that so far, so I'm ready to (peacefully and without disturbing anyone else) fuck shit up for a little bit before I go.

 

[iloverachel]

I hope you enjoy your final moments on earth before deciding to end it

 

[EyesOfNight]

psychoactive drugs. Especially DMT, LSD, and shrooms. Always wondered about the DMT elves.

The "issue"(for me at least) is that the drugs can potentially change your desire to CTB.
The other danger is that you could (falsely) think that life isn't so bad because you are experiencing this (fleeting) freedom.

 

[inevitableandplannd]

The "issue"(for me at least) is that the drugs can potentially change your desire to CTB.
The other danger is that you could (falsely) think that life isn't so bad because you are experiencing this (fleeting) freedom.

I am a little concerned about this, but my experience with less powerful drugs indicates that as soon as I'm sober again (and I don't have enough money to be high forever, nor do I particularly want to be) I'm ready for the bus. That's a good point of concern, though.

 

[willitpass]

The "issue"(for me at least) is that the drugs can potentially change your desire to CTB.
The other danger is that you could (falsely) think that life isn't so bad because you are experiencing this (fleeting) freedom.

If they are able to be free from their desire to CTB and even fleetingly find freedom, why is that a bad thing? If they chose to stay alive, even temporarily, because things improved then that's great. Feeling well enough to not want to die isn't a bad thing. The option to CTB is always there, the option to live once you've already died isn't.

 

[inevitableandplannd]

I just thought of another one! Randomly giving out cash to nice strangers / buying gifts for family and friends. Surprise, you got a fully loaded MacBook Pro, lol

 

[iloverachel]

I am a little concerned about this, but my experience with less powerful drugs indicates that as soon as I'm sober again (and I don't have enough money to be high forever, nor do I particularly want to be) I'm ready for the bus. That's a good point of concern, though.

Oh yeah this is the case with ecstasy (mdma) in my personal experience.
I remember when i used to take ecstasy pills, i felt euphoric and actually enjoyed life and thought life was worth living. But that quickly wears off and i wanna ctb a day or 2 later
i doubt many drugs will make you change your mindset about ctb for a long period but im not sure

I just thought of another one! Randomly giving out cash to nice strangers / buying gifts for family and friends. Surprise, you got a fully loaded MacBook Pro, lol

thats a very kind and nice idea. good on you

 

[EyesOfNight]

If they are able to be free from their desire to CTB and even fleetingly find freedom, why is that a bad thing? If they chose to stay alive, even temporarily, because things improved then that's great. Feeling well enough to not want to die isn't a bad thing. The option to CTB is always there, the option to live once you've already died isn't.

I agree. What I said is just my personal opinion and how I feel about a situation like this(which I have imagined myself in before).
I simply don't want to become a slave to myself and life and that is reflected in my message.

the option to live once you've already died isn't.

A dead person doesn't have regrets.
@willitpass
Also, burning through money and then deciding to live without any means to sustain oneself will creat suffering. Not too bad.
However, if a person decides to live long enough after this while owing money to a bunch of people/organisations it can lead to loss of freedom(jail) which would severely limit the methods to CTB or making it impossible to CTB.

 

[willitpass]

I

I agree. What I said is just my personal opinion and how I feel about a situation like this(which I have imagined myself in before).
I simply don't want to become a slave to myself and life and that is reflected in my message.

A dead person doesn't have regrets.
@willitpass
Also, burning through money and then deciding to live without any means to sustain oneself will creat suffering. Not too bad.
However, if a person decides to live long enough after this while owing money to a bunch of people/organisations it can lead to loss of freedom(jail) which would severely limit the methods to CTB or making it impossible to CTB.

Im not telling them to do it or not do it. But your argument in your first post was simply that them doing it may change their mind, and I countered it with is a brief positive mental change a bad thing? I doubt doing hard drugs once would be a life altering decision, even a few days of genuinely enjoying life would be a nice treat for all of us before we return to our current state. And if that one trip does magically cure OP somehow then they can build their life back up if they chose. That was all I was saying.

 

[EyesOfNight]

I

Im not telling them to do it or not do it. But your argument in your first post was simply that them doing it may change their mind, and I countered it with is a brief positive mental change a bad thing? I doubt doing hard drugs once would be a life altering decision, even a few days of genuinely enjoying life would be a nice treat for all of us before we return to our current state. And if that one trip does magically cure OP somehow then they can build their life back up if they chose. That was all I was saying.

I understand what you are saying. And yes, a few days of enjoyment would be nice.
Again, my messages are just me sharing my personal fears and concerns if I were in a situation like OP. I acknowledge that other people (you included) can have a different view on this situation because my opinion is entirely subjective.

 

[inevitableandplannd]

I just had another freakout and big self harm episode. I realize how stupid this idea is. I'm just going to leave all my assets to my parents and kill myself while they're out of town. Any of this other flowery stuff is just lipstick on the pig.

I just had another freakout and big self harm episode. I realize how stupid this idea is. I'm just going to leave all my assets to my parents and kill myself while they're out of town. Any of this other flowery stuff is just lipstick on the pig.

Speaking of wanting to get this done with, anyone with a medical weed card lied to the feds during the BG check? Last point of hesitation. The card expires in august anyway but I don't want to wait that long.

 

[UKscotty]

Very risky. You will likely set off your SI into over drive.

Hope will come back and CTB thoughts will dwindle.

However, if you don't get to the root, they will come back even worse and you will feel ruined.

I get the idea of one last blow out but for suicidal people I think its a major liability.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Be careful. Other people have run their life into the ground expecting that they'll CTB and when the assigned time comes, they can't do it and they're left with even more of a shattered life.

 

[Fantasy22]

It sounds tempting ngl. I've been saving up my money hoping it'll make me feel happier and more secure all that, but I feel nothing. So if I jsut blow it all on things I wanna do actually live in the moment for a second. Might just fix me for the day. I'm worried I'll be disappointed tho and just wasted all my money for no reason. Guess there's no point to worry if ur dead. but I'm always keeping it in the back of my head. I don't like having no money makes me unrationally paranoid