Venting Functioning like a normal person is way too hard

[mob]

I just can't function like I should. I have to stay at home and take a rest at least once a month. I barely get any work done. While I should be studying, I lay in bed and do absolutely nothing.

People call me careless; "Why aren't you studying?" "Why don't you care?" "Why are you like this?" - They have no fucking idea how hard it is to even get up. I've been lying about being sick so I can stay at home and do nothing at all. My doctor must despise me by now.

My antidepressants don't help; all they do is still my hunger and make me sweat a bucket a day. I still feel done and depressed. I have to force myself to go to therapy and see a psychiatrist or else people would be disappointed in me. I don't want help, I just want to be gone.
I'm useless the way I am, and I can't change it. When I do anything at all, it's either drawing to forget my worries or daydream about another life.

People also tend to call me lazy, and I don't blame them one bit for it. I just simply can't function, and I wish this would all end soon. If only I wasn't such a coward. The fact that I'm alive makes absolutely no sense.

 

[nood11]

I have trouble functioning too. Life is so repetitive and pointless. Exercising, cutting my hair, shaving, using the bathroom, showering, going to the grocery store, cooking, eating, cleaning etc. I haven't worked a job in two years and feel like I can't. I don't have the guts to kill myself, so I'm left with this hell of a life.

 

[filthystray]

While I can't relate with looking non productive because all I do is be on my feet. Either working or just being out all the time. I can relate to a lot of everything else. Like even my 'productiveness' takes me twice the effort for little to no reward for me. I have been trying to do better but I call in sick all the time when I just can't deal with anyone. I am also on antidepressants and they don't take it away, for me all they do is help my appetite and sleeping schedule. Funnily enough I think they made me more likely to ctb because I was like too depressed before to actually make a plan and go through with it, just didn't have the energy for it. I also visit a therapist for the benefit of others, more so that they don't get worried. Yeah, I can relate in a lot of ways

 

[annique]

I just can't function like I should. I have to stay at home and take a rest at least once a month. I barely get any work done. While I should be studying, I lay in bed and do absolutely nothing.

this is what i'm going through right now, i'm not going to university anymore since i can't get up from bed anymore, i'm not studying and i don't have the will or energy to search of work or anything

I'm useless the way I am, and I can't change it.

i think the same of myself... see, people usually say that we all can change, is that really true? it weights so heavily on the depressed the burden of a daily routine, that change becomes such a distant concept that is so hard to reach. it's one of those things that are easy said than done

we who can't keep on with studies or work are deemed useless, yes... because this complex and utterly uncaring machinery that society is functions just like that, a machine, and if we are not a part in it, we don't make it spin and so we are useless

also, you're not lazy, but suffering from depression. a lazy person could change their behavior if they felt like it, but won't because they're comfortable being that way... you, and anyone suffering from depression, don't want to be like this, but can't change it, because changing has become out of our control, unfortunately

i'm sorry you're going through this, really i wish you the best

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wishing to be free from this existence, it must be tiring being in that situation and sadly so many other people won't even try to understand. But anyway best wishes.