Am i any different from a normal person now?

[Lou_Charthethird]

I used to struggle amazingly hard. I used to be hugely depressed and isolated and hopeless. I actually felt hopelessness and depression. As opposed to now, i don't feel any emotions including bad ones, nor do i remember ever having intense emotions as i did then. Its as if i was reborn as a normal unhurt person.

Atleast thats how it looks on the outside looking in, but for me it is debilitatingly boring and dull. I know using boring as an adjective as opposed to depressing seems a bit undershooting it but thats just to say i dont have any intense emotions, whatsoever. There is obviously a problem but

Why would my body ever give up the safety of this shell im in now? Im finally a normal "happy" person(even if im not/ cant be truly happy) why would my brain ever throw itself onto the incoming traffic of pain snd suffering that comes with being who i truly am.

I dont think it is literally possible for me to be myself again, it logically would make absolutely no sense. I am stuck like this forever until i decide to kill myself

 

[ThroughTheLight]

Not feeling emotions isn't like being a normal person. Emotional numbness of a symptom of depression. You can still be depressed and not necessarily feel "bad" all the time. Why do think you can no longer be yourself anymore?

 

[Lou_Charthethird]

Not feeling emotions isn't like being a normal person. Emotional numbness of a symptom of depression. You can still be depressed and not necessarily feel "bad" all the time. Why do think you can no longer be yourself anymore?

Because i cant even FEEL depressed. I dont feel anything, there isnt an overall negative feeling to life, even without emotions, like anhedonia; i genuinely feel nothing at all times. Like my brain has turned off my reception to anything regarding emotion. I used to have passions i could turn to, interests to watch, hobbies to indulge in, even fears and urges that dictated my life, and now everything is just off the hook- pointless. And its not that it feels pointless because i cant feel it being pointless - it just is pointless. Its like everything that made me, me, doesnt exist anymore. Like i am a husk of a human