beyond.space
Member
- Oct 30, 2025
- 11
I apologize for how long this post is going to be, but I need a couple of opinions here if anyone is willing to read through it.
I live in an European country where I cannot have access to almost any method that would be considered fast, reliable or peaceful. Any substances or gases are downright impossible to obtain as a regular citizen and the websites/pharmacies that sell them are either from abroad, or require a license/prescription to buy. Guns are out of the question also.
However, even if I did have access, my biggest concern with most methods is that the brain is fully functional for a couple of minutes after passing out, which is absolutely scary for a person like me, that often has vivid dreams and nightmares where I get to live for days, weeks, months or even years within those couple of minutes of REM sleep. The brain is a very powerful machine and I wouldn't want to find out what it could subject me to during those minutes before it dies, when SI would also most likely kick in and the mind is going to be in overdrive. I don't want to CTB having to possibly live my worst fears for who knows how long. It could also let me have a blissful and peaceful experience, but it's 50/50 and knowing my psychotic tendencies, I wouldn't bet on that.
So what I know is that for sure I have to choose a method that instantly stops the brain from functioning, but the only option is to put a bullet through it using a gun. That being impossible, I have decided 2 months ago that I would do it at a shooting range. I have seen a bunch of videos of people going out that way, I have researched a bit and chosen my preferred angle and position. I have thought about unfortunately having to traumatize the range instructor, but I am going to be selfish for this one. Although I would hate to inflict my pain onto others, that's ultimately inevitable and there's simply no other way. I don't belong here, I have suffered for too much and I am not going to live anymore just because others want me alive or they would be too traumatized from my death. I hate that but I take full responsibility for it. Now, I've learned to shoot 9mm and .45 ACP guns as I've visited the gun ranges in my town a few times. I chose one that requires an appointment beforehand, so it's always just me and the instructor in there, but he never leaves my side. I thought of asking for water, a napkin or anything that would make him at least go a few meters away or distract him, but I'm afraid it's very possible these wouldn't work. So I'm pretty much out of options because shooting a few rounds is VERY expensive and I can't keep going there until I find the right opportunity. I have money put aside specifically for this, but it's quickly running out.
In the past few days I have read more threads around here and decided that the full suspension hanging method would be the easiest and most reliable, because, if done right, it doesn't choke, it just cuts blood flow to the brain and you're out in like 15 seconds. The problem, again, is that brain activity doesn't stop for another 15 minutes, and I don't want to find out what that's like.
I have stumbled upon something, though. One night I was thinking, why not use a captive bolt gun? I've found that in my country with a big culture for killing and eating cow and pig meat, especially the latter now for Christmas, bolt guns are easy to get. I can basically buy the Blitz Kerner one that uses 9x17mm cartridges which can easily penetrate a human skull, as it's thinner than cows' and pigs'. The problem is, chances of survival are relatively high, as it would probably just penetrate half of the brain. There are numerous survival cases after accidents of humans living with only half of their brains, being impaired of even just living normal lives. I know I would have to hit the brain stem for certain death, but it's small and I am not sure the gun could reach it, and it totally does not instantly stop brain activity if hit, so we go back to my other issue. The brain hemispheres need to be hit to ensure there's no possiblity of your mind keeping you trapped in your subconscious.
So I have thought of the following method: attempt full hanging with the captive bolt gun in my hand and shoot it in those first few seconds before I pass out. That way, I MAY affect too much of the brain that it at least stops most of its activity and I still ensure death by hanging. I don't think there are many things that could go wrong here, apart from the bolt gun jamming or simply not doing enough damage, which would keep my brain well enough to possibly subject me to experience long nightmares before death, but I think death is certain anyway and there's nobody to obstruct it as I live alone. Do you think this is a reliable method?
I live in an European country where I cannot have access to almost any method that would be considered fast, reliable or peaceful. Any substances or gases are downright impossible to obtain as a regular citizen and the websites/pharmacies that sell them are either from abroad, or require a license/prescription to buy. Guns are out of the question also.
However, even if I did have access, my biggest concern with most methods is that the brain is fully functional for a couple of minutes after passing out, which is absolutely scary for a person like me, that often has vivid dreams and nightmares where I get to live for days, weeks, months or even years within those couple of minutes of REM sleep. The brain is a very powerful machine and I wouldn't want to find out what it could subject me to during those minutes before it dies, when SI would also most likely kick in and the mind is going to be in overdrive. I don't want to CTB having to possibly live my worst fears for who knows how long. It could also let me have a blissful and peaceful experience, but it's 50/50 and knowing my psychotic tendencies, I wouldn't bet on that.
So what I know is that for sure I have to choose a method that instantly stops the brain from functioning, but the only option is to put a bullet through it using a gun. That being impossible, I have decided 2 months ago that I would do it at a shooting range. I have seen a bunch of videos of people going out that way, I have researched a bit and chosen my preferred angle and position. I have thought about unfortunately having to traumatize the range instructor, but I am going to be selfish for this one. Although I would hate to inflict my pain onto others, that's ultimately inevitable and there's simply no other way. I don't belong here, I have suffered for too much and I am not going to live anymore just because others want me alive or they would be too traumatized from my death. I hate that but I take full responsibility for it. Now, I've learned to shoot 9mm and .45 ACP guns as I've visited the gun ranges in my town a few times. I chose one that requires an appointment beforehand, so it's always just me and the instructor in there, but he never leaves my side. I thought of asking for water, a napkin or anything that would make him at least go a few meters away or distract him, but I'm afraid it's very possible these wouldn't work. So I'm pretty much out of options because shooting a few rounds is VERY expensive and I can't keep going there until I find the right opportunity. I have money put aside specifically for this, but it's quickly running out.
In the past few days I have read more threads around here and decided that the full suspension hanging method would be the easiest and most reliable, because, if done right, it doesn't choke, it just cuts blood flow to the brain and you're out in like 15 seconds. The problem, again, is that brain activity doesn't stop for another 15 minutes, and I don't want to find out what that's like.
I have stumbled upon something, though. One night I was thinking, why not use a captive bolt gun? I've found that in my country with a big culture for killing and eating cow and pig meat, especially the latter now for Christmas, bolt guns are easy to get. I can basically buy the Blitz Kerner one that uses 9x17mm cartridges which can easily penetrate a human skull, as it's thinner than cows' and pigs'. The problem is, chances of survival are relatively high, as it would probably just penetrate half of the brain. There are numerous survival cases after accidents of humans living with only half of their brains, being impaired of even just living normal lives. I know I would have to hit the brain stem for certain death, but it's small and I am not sure the gun could reach it, and it totally does not instantly stop brain activity if hit, so we go back to my other issue. The brain hemispheres need to be hit to ensure there's no possiblity of your mind keeping you trapped in your subconscious.
So I have thought of the following method: attempt full hanging with the captive bolt gun in my hand and shoot it in those first few seconds before I pass out. That way, I MAY affect too much of the brain that it at least stops most of its activity and I still ensure death by hanging. I don't think there are many things that could go wrong here, apart from the bolt gun jamming or simply not doing enough damage, which would keep my brain well enough to possibly subject me to experience long nightmares before death, but I think death is certain anyway and there's nobody to obstruct it as I live alone. Do you think this is a reliable method?
