Venting FUCK TINNITUS

[JFED]

I'm another with tinnitus. Constantly there and worsening as the days go by. I met an individual that I was try to help that had the same condition. He eventually CTB because of it.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

I don't want to stay here on this thread because just writing about how i beat it the other day made it start to come back - after 20 years! It is so psychological! Read my earlier posts. Bye.

 

[faraway_beach]

I have a relatively mild case in one ear. I also have pancreatic cancer for which I am receiving only palliative care, in the form of medical marijuana. I couldn't get my regular formulation recently, and got a stronger one instead. About a minute after taking it, the tinnitus doubled in volume! It's going down now, but very slowly. It can go up in a minute, but takes a week to come down.

 

[Isadeth]

Isadeth, thank you so much for your kind words. It really, really means a lot. It seems surgery worked for your son because it was due to a legitimate illness. My tinnitus is from damage from noise exposure - it's simply not operable.

I'm 2 months into my tinnitus journey so far. Although it seems like ages and these have been the worst 2 months of my life in a long time, apparently 2 months is still really early for tinnitus sufferers. I've spent some time on tinnitus support forums and they keep telling me to hang in there and give it time. People like you and some of my close friends are trying so hard not to let me give up, so I've decided to give myself just a little more time before I ctb, even though I have all my SN materials now.

Ugh, that is so awful. I've had single bad bout of vertigo about a month ago , so I've done a lot of research on the subject. Your symptoms sound exactly like vestibular hyperacusis, which is a fucking brutal condition. I don't know what can be done about it, but if you can, try to find a doctor who knows about vestibular hyperacusis.

You're welcome, WillOxyWork. It's always so easy to give up in the beginning. Of course, I know it doesn't feel like the beginning to you. Thank you for telling me your cause was noise related. I believe I read it was through doing yardwork? Please correct me if I'm wrong!

Again, I'm not sure what all you've tried, but since it's noise related I do know there are certain devices specifically for tinnitus that can give off a constant frequency/decibel (that you can't personally notice and neither can others around you) that "drowns" it out. It doesn't fix it, but it stops the ringing. Which I'm sure is your main concern. THANKFULLY, these new devices are very well hidden and they don't look like something large attached to your ear. That alone can make someone want to ctb. Just please be careful as tinnitus can eventually turn into hearing loss.

Yeah, my son's was due to an ailment... a doctor's negligence to be exact. It was heartbreaking. A hospitalist overlooked his labs and wrote me off as an "over protective" mother and sent him home. He almost died. I've already lost two children (not from what my son had), I couldn't/can't experience that again. Thankfully, our pharmacist caught a huge med error that could have killed him quicker than the sickness. The hospitalist wrote for an adult dose of meds. Three different meds in that dose to be exact. He was only 6 at the time, very tiny, and they wrote the equivalent for an almost 300 lb (136kg) man!

My husband has awful ears, due to Iraq mortars, ear infections, having tubes as a child etc. So he's a mixture of sound and ailments. His right ear is pretty bad, and I blew my ear drum in my left from only one ear infection in 2018. It makes car rides interesting when he drives to say the least lol but yeah, his ear drum is shriveled and retracted due to a multitude of trauma.

I'm glad you have a support group of others you can relate to. It does help. At the very least it gives you people to vent to that truly understand what you're experiencing.

I never did ask, but did you purchase your sn because of the tinnitus? Or was it due to something completely different? You don't have to answer that. I was just curious.

♡

 

[morningdew]

Things that help below. I've had it for 5 years. No doubt it make me want to die everyday. One of these days I will just blow my head off but until then I try and make it the best I can each day.

1. If you have healing loss, most likely its in high frequency. The best way to mask it is with frequencies that match your hearing loss. For example, if your loss is in the 4-8k range, go to mynoise.net and experiment with various options. Some allow you to control the frequency. The site also has links to online hearing test to get a good idea of what frequencies have the hearing loss.

2. I tried for years to find something that would make it stop. I later shifted to ways to help my emotional state as tinnitus talks a toll on your emotional wellbeing. There are supplements that help. There is a good one call "emotional wellness" from pure encapsulations. It does seems to help.Just have to find what works for you.

3. cry. sometimes it the only way to release some of the emotional build up.

I'm not sure what all you have tried, but there are currently surgeries that can show success (my son had one with great success)... also there's hidden hearing aides that can balance the noise and prevent or lower the ringing to almost nothing. Feel free to message me if you'd like to discuss it. I'm so sorry you're enduring that. ♡

I'd love to know about surgery options, I didn't think there was anything.

 

[Isadeth]

I

Things that help below. I've had it for 5 years. No doubt it make me want to die everyday. One of these days I will just blow my head off but until then I try and make it the best I can each day.

1. If you have healing loss, most likely its in high frequency. The best way to mask it is with frequencies that match your hearing loss. For example, if your loss is in the 4-8k range, go to mynoise.net and experiment with various options. Some allow you to control the frequency. The site also has links to online hearing test to get a good idea of what frequencies have the hearing loss.

2. I tried for years to find something that would make it stop. I later shifted to ways to help my emotional state as tinnitus talks a toll on your emotional wellbeing. There are supplements that help. There is a good one call "emotional wellness" from pure encapsulations. It does seems to help.Just have to find what works for you.

3. cry. sometimes it the only way to release some of the emotional build up.

I'd love to know about surgery options, I didn't think there was anything.

I can send them to you in the morning when the sun is up. Right now I'm barely keeping my eyes open. But absolutely ♡ I'm not saying it's curative, but there's a great possibility to help! ♡

 

[WillOxyWork]

You're welcome, WillOxyWork. It's always so easy to give up in the beginning. Of course, I know it doesn't feel like the beginning to you. Thank you for telling me your cause was noise related. I believe I read it was through doing yardwork? Please correct me if I'm wrong!

Again, I'm not sure what all you've tried, but since it's noise related I do know there are certain devices specifically for tinnitus that can give off a constant frequency/decibel (that you can't personally notice and neither can others around you) that "drowns" it out. It doesn't fix it, but it stops the ringing. Which I'm sure is your main concern. THANKFULLY, these new devices are very well hidden and they don't look like something large attached to your ear. That alone can make someone want to ctb. Just please be careful as tinnitus can eventually turn into hearing loss.

Yeah, my son's was due to an ailment... a doctor's negligence to be exact. It was heartbreaking. A hospitalist overlooked his labs and wrote me off as an "over protective" mother and sent him home. He almost died. I've already lost two children (not from what my son had), I couldn't/can't experience that again. Thankfully, our pharmacist caught a huge med error that could have killed him quicker than the sickness. The hospitalist wrote for an adult dose of meds. Three different meds in that dose to be exact. He was only 6 at the time, very tiny, and they wrote the equivalent for an almost 300 lb (136kg) man!

My husband has awful ears, due to Iraq mortars, ear infections, having tubes as a child etc. So he's a mixture of sound and ailments. His right ear is pretty bad, and I blew my ear drum in my left from only one ear infection in 2018. It makes car rides interesting when he drives to say the least lol but yeah, his ear drum is shriveled and retracted due to a multitude of trauma.

I'm glad you have a support group of others you can relate to. It does help. At the very least it gives you people to vent to that truly understand what you're experiencing.

I never did ask, but did you purchase your sn because of the tinnitus? Or was it due to something completely different? You don't have to answer that. I was just curious.

♡

Isadeth, if you want to read, I basically wrote my life story in another thread, explaining how I got to where I am now: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/long-i-feel-like-i-dont-have-a-right-to-be-suicidal.42474/

I'm feeling slightly more positive today about life with tinnitus and am going to try to ride that wave. I'm staying away from the forum for a few days (hopefully).

 

[Isadeth]

Isadeth, if you want to read, I basically wrote my life story in another thread, explaining how I got to where I am now: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/long-i-feel-like-i-dont-have-a-right-to-be-suicidal.42474/

I'm feeling slightly more positive today about life with tinnitus and am going to try to ride that wave. I'm staying away from the forum for a few days (hopefully).

Thank you! I will absolutely read it! And I'm elated you're having a good day :) I take breaks too, which I think is good. I hope you enjoy your time away! ♡

 

[V1991r]

I've got extremely loud tinnitus which started after a partial hanging attempt. I think the build up of pressure killed some hair cells as I now have a constant high pitched screeching sound in my head (louder on left side). Even if I use white noise or headphones, nothing can mask it!

 

[Dinosaur]

I had tinnitus and was concerned because I read that never ends, but I don't have it at the day.

 

[Fedrea]

I've got extremely loud tinnitus which started after a partial hanging attempt. I think the build up of pressure killed some hair cells as I now have a constant high pitched screeching sound in my head (louder on left side). Even if I use white noise or headphones, nothing can mask it!

That's awful

 

[Sinai Silence]

Tinnitus is another constant torment of being awake along with dealing with the voices telling me to kill myself. I just surround myself with music, its the only way to distract myself from the constant ringing.

Funny thing is I didn't even get it from listening to music, I got it at one of my old jobs because management were too stingy to buy ear defenders. Like emptying bottle bins in an enclosed space wouldn't f*ck your ear drums up; I asked for them constantly and never received them. Apparently there are some antidepressants that alleviate the symptoms of tinnitus, I haven't tried it myself so I can't vouch for it but you should look into it.

 

[omoidarui]

If you're still open to suggestions, I've read on a tinnitus forum that intermittent fasting benefitted at least one person. This is pretty much my go-to suggestion for chronic ailments with seemingly no cure because fasting is like a body reset when done safely.

Intermittent Fasting for Tinnitus Relief

Myself and others with tinnitus have seen huge benefits with intermittent fasting. T fading and almost gone in some cases. There is science behind this that shows detox and the brain/gut connection can relax the central nervous system, as well as improve brain chemistry itself. The 5:2 diet is...

www.tinnitustalk.com

Sorry you're experiencing this but glad you're feeling more positive recently and decided to take time away from the forum, according to your profile.

 

[Squiddy]

Agreed, fuck it. It's awful. Mine gets pretty bad from time to time

 

[Sleepdrifter]

I have had mild tinnitus for 9 months due to irresponsible exposure to noise. It really gets me down sometimes. The key thing is to try and keep busy, and keep as active as possible. Otherwise it seems worse. A good thing to remind yourself is that despite how depressing it is, the condition itself is harmless, and in some cases it does go away. Some good posts here about psychology too. It is possible to build a better relationship with the condition to the point where you don't care or notice.

I've got extremely loud tinnitus which started after a partial hanging attempt. I think the build up of pressure killed some hair cells as I now have a constant high pitched screeching sound in my head (louder on left side). Even if I use white noise or headphones, nothing can mask it!

Man I'm sorry.

I'd love to know about surgery options, I didn't think there was anything.

There's lots of treatment options for tinnitus. Some use a combination of TRT, surgery, neuromodulation, plasticity, hearing aids etc. to literally cure themselves of the condition. However, be prepared to be rich and well-informed if you want this option available to you.

 

[red_pen]

i have tinnitus too. have you ever heard of tinnitustalk? the research projects there are somewhat reassuring

Research News

The latest on tinnitus research. Post your finds, discuss others'.

www.tinnitustalk.com

here it is if you wanna check it, and you haven't yet

 

[roju]

This is exactly what happened to me. I'm so sorry for your situation. It is not fair.

Tinnitus comes in various shapes and it looks like the majority of people associate it with a slight monotone beep. The outside world needs more awareness of the severity of this condition. Those people speak out of ignorance, as they have no point of reference for this horrid condition.

They don't understand how a sound inside your head can destroy everything you ever worked for in the matter of weeks, including your job career, relationships with friends and family. They don't understand what lack of sleep with no way to relax will do to you mentally and physically.

Also, this condition is not taken seriously by the medical community. They don't offer any help. No one cares. The condition is invisible and that is what separates it from other conditions. When tinnitus is loud enough, nothing works.

Tinnitus affects every aspect of your life. You no longer get to enjoy anything. Life will never be normal again.

Yes, I've got it too and it's fucking horrendous. This fucking shit destroyed my life and yeah, it's the main reason I want to CBT.

I think wanting suicide is a rational response or desire when you have persistent loud ringing, multiple high pitched tones 24/7. That shouldn't be happening and is a fucked up state for the brain and/or ears.

 

[SummerDreamer]

FUCK Tinnitus. I could live with my vision problems if that were the only issue, but tinnitus is a fucking demon. I live constantly in fear of sound. I try so hard to protect my ears, but it still somehow is slowly getting worse. I feel like a dentist is drilling into my ears. My tinnitus is such fucking bullshit that other noises amplify it. I can hear my tinnitus amplified by white noise, the shower, and the wind. Music sounds distorted.

I had made so much progress in the past 2 years with my depression, just to be slapped in the face by a lifelong ailment. Tinnitus ruined my life. I can't live with this fucking condition and be afraid of sound for the rest of my life. I can't enjoy any of my hobbies anymore. I've lost my identity.

I've never felt such a consuming sense of agony. I have all my components for SN except for one, and I'm just constantly checking for when it will be here. It can't be here soon enough. I need this pain to stop now.

This is exactly the reason I want to ctb, I'm so sorry you have to suffer from this too :( Music is my life and it was ruined by one stupid club night I went to on my bday. Can never forgive myself now I got visual snow, tinnitus and hyperacusis which causes a whistling sound over any sort of artifical noise. My parents think I can get better but they don't understand. I completely understand what you're going through. I hope we both find peace soon. X

 

[WillOxyWork]

Can never forgive myself now I got visual snow, tinnitus and hyperacusis which causes a whistling sound over any sort of artifical noise.

Those are my exact symptoms. The reactive hyperacusis with the whistling sound is such bullshit. I'm sorry you're enduring it too.

 

[jesterhead9675]

I have severe tinnitus for a year now from Lyme Disease. Sounds like screeching metal over everything, even driving in traffic.
I take a high dose of benzos to sleep. The worst part, no one understands severe tinnitus until they get it themselves. They think it's not a big deal, or write it off as 'just a little ringing' in your ears.

I tried TRT, didn't work for me. I think the level of disability is related to the pitch and loudness.

 

[RobertSn]

Got T and H over twenty years ago. My dreams and ambitions were never quite the same. Thought I wouldn't make it.

The T eventually subsided but never went away. Got really bad again these past few years. Apparently it can come back hard later in life.

Not exactly sound motivation to stick it out..

 

[Johny89]

I've seen multiple top ENT surgeons in my area who tell me there's nothing they can do. I don't have any detectable hearing loss somehow. I don't know exactly what your son's situation was, but I know surgery is not a solution to my situation.

Sorry, I'm too lazy to rewrite, but I explained earlier in the thread how the loss happened, if you want to scroll up. I really appreciate your empathy :)

Masking sometimes works okay depending on the noise. But I also have pulsatile T at times which is impossible to ignore.

You may already know this, but standard hearing tests only test til 8k hertz. Human hearing goes up to 20k hertz, and most damage is in the higher ranges. My damage is 14k hertz upwards (and 20-150 hertz as well, very low frequencies). There's also hidden hearing loss that is caused by nerve damage which doesn't show up either on any audiogram. So you certainly have damage.

There is research for hearing restoration (FX-322 the most promising). If we're lucky, there will be expanded use (pre-approval) within maybe 2 years. If you can't go to the US, it will take longer.
I am convinced that in 5-10 years there will definitely be treatments around. Unfortunately that is a long time when you're already tortured by it.

 

[whitefeather]

FUCK Tinnitus. I could live with my vision problems if that were the only issue, but tinnitus is a fucking demon. I live constantly in fear of sound. I try so hard to protect my ears, but it still somehow is slowly getting worse. I feel like a dentist is drilling into my ears. My tinnitus is such fucking bullshit that other noises amplify it. I can hear my tinnitus amplified by white noise, the shower, and the wind. Music sounds distorted.

I had made so much progress in the past 2 years with my depression, just to be slapped in the face by a lifelong ailment. Tinnitus ruined my life. I can't live with this fucking condition and be afraid of sound for the rest of my life. I can't enjoy any of my hobbies anymore. I've lost my identity.

I've never felt such a consuming sense of agony. I have all my components for SN except for one, and I'm just constantly checking for when it will be here. It can't be here soon enough. I need this pain to stop now.

What will you take with SN ?

Strong WiFi radiation is now damaging the ears of every human.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

I don't want to stay here on this thread because just writing about how i beat it the other day made it start to come back - after 20 years! It is so psychological! Read my earlier posts. Bye.

I agree with so much of this: pay it attention and it will pay you back with NOISE!

Avoid forums, googling, etc. I've had it for ten years and no longer give a damn.

 

[Johny89]

I agree with so much of this: pay it attention and it will pay you back with NOISE!

Avoid forums, googling, etc. I've had it for ten years and no longer give a damn.

Is it loud?

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Is it loud?

It's always there, sometimes louder than the TV but generally not. The occasional spikes that are way loud are pretty bad but things eventually go back to what is now my normal. I had a breakdown/was off sick from work when I first got it, along with the anxiety that just ends up feeding it.

 

[TAW122]

I'm very sorry to hear about your medical issue and yes, it is very aggravating and I do hope you are able to find peace sooner than later.

 

[Johny89]

It's always there, sometimes louder than the TV but generally not. The occasional spikes that are way loud are pretty bad but things eventually go back to what is now my normal. I had a breakdown/was off sick from work when I first got it, along with the anxiety that just ends up feeding it.

Guess I'm at your level now then. It's intrusive, but not terribly. And I am aware that over time you can get used to quite loud tinnitus. My problem is more that I keep getting exposed to random loud noise that does lead to permanent worsening. Also hyperacusis on high frequencies, fuck that shit.