Fuck this. i'm done.

[Metavoid]

I'm at the end of trying now, my shitty ass bf just told me he's considering leaving me because I'm a "psychopath" (yeah because I'm frustrated with you being away and I self harm and cry and being in love with you has made my already shitty life worse) but apparently he's not leaving me yet because he loves me and will call me once a day to see how things go, I asked how fucking long for and when are you going to visit me, he said he has to see how things go first but won't tell me how fucking long I have to suffer. I said I don't have time to be playing games and being an open option either you're with me or you're not fuck this limbo bullshit you were supposed to visit me weeks ago. How many fucking days and are you going to see me or not I've waited fucking months to see you ive drunk myself to oblivion because of you. and you keep promising you will and now I "MIGHT" see you if I force myself to be "normal" and talk to you once a day. But you won't tell me how long. Fucking fed up to shit with this bullshit I wish I had the strength to leave him and get on with my life but I can't because for YEARS he's done this and I've been hanging on hoping praying. Ive lost friends and personality and what little remaining sanity i had to this long distance relationship dragging bullshit. Bein in love hurts so now I have to face every day waiting for a phone all from him "assessing" if I'm good enough to be with and normal enough to visit even though he promised me MONTHS ago he'd visit me. So now apparently im a psychopath because being with him exacerbated my mental illness. I feel like I'm living in a fucking flesh prison and I'm his puppet. I've given up everything for him. I can't bring myself to leave him and I can't live like this waiting every day so I can't be with him so the only way out is to kill myself. I know he's doing this to fucking hurt me. I don't have time for this crap.

I'm moving in a few days. I'm going to move all my shit to the new place because it'll be empty. He's gonna call me every day to see if I'm good enough to stay with him and if he'll visit me. Little does he know I'm gonna be gone. Maybe he'll be sorry for not letting me go out of Mercy years ago when he started having problems and having to work abroad but he didn't he knew I'd lose my mind if I stayed but all the promises he made over and over...

I am trapped in a prison. A man I cannot bring myself to leave because my whole life now revolves around him and without him it's simply not possible because I'm already too far gone. I'm going to message him saying I'm not interested pursuing this relationship anymore. He will freak out because he will lose control at that point over me as I'm the one leaving him and he will try to call me over and over. At that point I will drink a bottle of vodka, cut my wrists, and hang myself on the metal door coat hooks. Fucking sick of suffering.

"I'll see you soon, I promise"

 

[Schopenhauer]

I'm no expert on this stuff, but this guy seems pretty abusive. He doesn't deserve you, if he wants to make seeing you conditional on your mental state. He should be there to support you, if he does love you.

But I don't blame you for loving him anyway. Love is a weird beast... leaving him looks like the best option for you, though. It's better than being driven over the edge...

 

[Made4TV]

So forgive me if this is a stupid question...but do you think there's a way you could see yourself breaking up with him? You seem worth much more than this bullshit.

 

[Metavoid]

I'm no expert on this stuff, but this guy seems pretty abusive. He doesn't deserve you, if he wants to make seeing you conditional on your mental state. He should be there to support you, if he does love you.

But I don't blame you for loving him anyway. Love is a weird beast...

He thinks I should just be on board with what he's doing. But he promises me soon and soon doesn't come. Then I get really agitated and I get angry and I lash out at him. Then he gets pissed at me for weeks and I have to beg my way back and promise I won't go crazy. He promises he'll visit me soon and this will all be over. Soon never comes. I freak out. He gets mad and calls me a psychopath. Cycle continues.

If he does feel sorry and admit it's because he's away, he then proceeds to say "but I'm doing my best, just get a grip, it'll be over soon, I'm on it so there's no reason you need to freak out." He doesn't visit me on promised date. I get upset. He gets angry. I apologize and beg him not to leave me.

All this over a fucking phone.

 

[Metavoid]

So forgive me if this is a stupid question...but do you think there's a way you could see yourself breaking up with him? You seem worth much more than this bullshit.

I tried to break up with him but I can't. When I did try, he was super apologetic and promised wed be together soon. But soon never came. I'm losing my fucking mind.

 

[Schopenhauer]

He thinks I should just be on board with what he's doing. But he promises me soon and soon doesn't come. Then I get really agitated and I get angry and I lash out at him. Then he gets pissed at me for weeks and I have to beg my way back and promise I won't go crazy. He promises he'll visit me soon and this will all be over. Soon never comes. I freak out. He gets mad and calls me a psychopath. Cycle continues.

If he does feel sorry and admit it's because he's away, he then proceeds to say "but I'm doing my best, just get a grip, it'll be over soon, I'm on it so there's no reason you need to freak out." He doesn't visit me on promised date. I get upset. He gets angry. I apologize and beg him not to leave me.

All this over a fucking phone.

It seems to me he likes having this power over you. And it's causing you very real issues. Maybe you should try saying "fuck you" and let him come to you instead. If he doesn't come back, you're better off anyway. He's an asshole, that's for sure.

By the way, you shouldn't take relationship advice from me, I'm an idiot :)

 

[Metavoid]

I've put in tremendous effort, time, energy, literally everything I have into waiting to see this motherfucking cunt, because I love him and I love who I am when I'm with him. Why is he doing this to me!!!! And if I do leave him, where do I go? I am alone, no friends, no family. I can't begin to even look at other men. The thought of sex with someone else makes me SICK. death is the only way out. I've been suicidal before him but he's literally taken whatever tiny will I had to live and turned me into a walking corpse

 

[Jon86]

You are probably expecting too much from him.

 

[Donna]

I've put in tremendous effort, time, energy, literally everything I have into waiting to see this motherfucking cunt, because I love him and I love who I am when I'm with him. Why is he doing this to me!!!! And if I do leave him, where do I go? I am alone, no friends, no family. I can't begin to even look at other men. The thought of sex with someone else makes me SICK. death is the only way out. I've been suicidal before him but he's literally taken whatever tiny will I had to live and turned me into a walking corpse

I agree with the others when people love each other they make time , he's not making the time but instead excuses, iv been there , it seems he's keeping you in a leash so to speak so he can have you when he wants ..No one should be in control of your life but you .. I sympathize with you because I know what love can do to someone..It drives people insane .

 

[Metavoid]

So what should I do? I can't leave. I tried. If I leave, I'm leaving to nothing. Other men make me fucking sick. The thought of speaking to other men makes me feel like vomiting. I see his face everywhere. He haunts my dreams. I stare at WhatsApp all day every day to see if he messages me.

 

[Schopenhauer]

So what should I do? I can't leave. I tried. If I leave, I'm leaving to nothing. Other men make me fucking sick. The thought of speaking to other men makes me feel like vomiting. I see his face everywhere. He haunts my dreams. I stare at WhatsApp all day every day to see if he messages me.

You could try focusing only on his negative aspects. Relationships deteriorate quickly when people do this. Meanwhile, browse the forums, research methods, think of anything else than can keep your mind occupied. Books, video games.... audiobooks and podcasts work great for me.

I'm also trying to forget someone (although she's not toxic, and she's a MUCH better person than I could ever be).

 

[Metavoid]

I left him once but ended up crying so much and cutting so violently I wanted to kill myself anyway. He calls me his snowflake bunny. I can't fucking do it.

 

[Metavoid]

And when we both broke up I jumped out a window. If I want to live, I have to stay. If I can't stay, I have to die. No other choice

 

[Schopenhauer]

I left him once but ended up crying so much and cutting so violently I wanted to kill myself anyway. He calls me his snowflake bunny. I can't fucking do it.

I wish I knew what to say, but I'm drawing blanks here. Whoever designed human beings is fucking sadist, this I know.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Unfortunately these types of codependent relationships tend to be the most unhealthy and volatile, even though they can be tremendously intoxicating. I've definitely been there, but looking back years later, I think they were piles of shit and most definitely not worth the hassle or the staggering emotional investment required of me at the time. I hope anyone reading this never ends their life over something like this. I say that with the deepest sincerity.

Have you tried giving him a little space to see if he comes running back? You don't have to break up, but playing things cool and a little evasive might make him realize what he's missing.

 

[Metavoid]

Death is the only way. It's too far gone and too drawn out. If I stay with him, I'll go insane. If I leave him, I'll end up being so heartbroken I'll off myself anyway. So I'm going to kill myself. With partial, next week in my new place. I'll see if things feel better in my new place closer to the city center but I doubt it.

 

[Schopenhauer]

And when we both broke up I jumped out a window. If I want to live, I have to stay. If I can't stay, I have to die. No other choice

In this case the question becomes: do you want to live?

 

[Metavoid]

Unfortunately these types of codependent relationships tend to be the most unhealthy and volatile, even though they can be tremendously intoxicating. I've definitely been there, but looking back years later, I think they were piles of shit and most definitely not worth the hassle or the staggering emotional investment required of me at the time. I hope anyone reading this never ends their life over something like this. I say that with the deepest sincerity.

Have you tried giving him a little space to see if he comes running back? You don't have to break up, but playing things cool and a little evasive might make him realize what he's missing.

I don't know how much to evade him already. He's phoning me once a day. Should I ignore him tomorrow, or say I don't feel like talking on the phone? If I do that, he will leave. He made it clear to me it's a miracle he's talking to me at all, after my last freakout.

 

[Metavoid]

In this case the question becomes: do you want to live?

Only if it's with him.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Only if it's with him.

And life with him is worth it?

By the way, can't you go where he is? Why do you have to wait for him?

 

[Metavoid]

And life with him is worth it?

By the way, can't you go where he is? Why do you have to wait for him?

Yes, when I'm with him in person it feels like home. It's the distance that's killing me and us. And it never seems to end.

 

[Metavoid]

Because he's working contracts all over Europe. He lives in hotels.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Because he's working contracts all over Europe. He lives in hotels.

Do you have a job yourself? Why don't you offer to follow him around. If being near him is good, then you should go for it.

 

[Metavoid]

Do you have a job yourself? Why don't you offer to follow him around. If being near him is good, then you should go for it.

Already did but he said no way

 

[Schopenhauer]

Already did but he said no way

Fuck this guy. Honestly. I'm sorry...

 

[Metavoid]

Fuck this guy. Honestly. I'm sorry...

How the fuck do I leave though. I can't do it. Day after day I try to figure out how to do it but the heartbreak that'll ensue it too great. I tried to leave but I can't. I ended up crying so much and it was so painful I ended up getting back.

 

[Schopenhauer]

How the fuck do I leave though. I can't do it. Day after day I try to figure out how to do it but the heartbreak that'll ensue it too great. I tried to leave but I can't. I ended up crying so much and it was so painful I ended up getting back.

I wish I knew the answer. But I'm below average when it comes to figuring out this stuff. I shouldn't be even saying anything.

 

[faex42]

I only left a toxic relationship when I was ready to leave. And I never wanted to reach that point, believe me. My friends constantly discouraged me from continuing but great advice didn't work for me.
I fled because but if I kept seeing the person and or hearing her voice my feelings emerged. Almost immediately. Because one phone call fucked it up royally. I had to go completely no contact. move across town and not give out my number to anyone who knew her and it took six months. I never noticed other women, no matter how attractive they were, until the relationship had ended and it still took some time to get my anger and feelings for her out of the way so I could see other women for what they were not as a comparison with her.

 

[Radaghest]

I've put in tremendous effort, time, energy, literally everything I have into waiting to see this motherfucking cunt, because I love him and I love who I am when I'm with him. Why is he doing this to me!!!! And if I do leave him, where do I go? I am alone, no friends, no family. I can't begin to even look at other men. The thought of sex with someone else makes me SICK. death is the only way out. I've been suicidal before him but he's literally taken whatever tiny will I had to live and turned me into a walking corpse

Meta...I know this feel.
Classic BPD.
First, FUCK HIM and his mental illness shaming. Hes the manipulative psychopath.
If you need someone to latch onto so you can dump him (Need new Favorite Person?) Hit me up. Ill take one for the team so you can psychologically disengage from him.
I JUST went through some abusive traumatic shit like this myself with a guy.. I got your back.
Just know, I work crazy long hours 7 days a week...but I will try to answer messages as much as I can.

 

[Metavoid]

I only left a toxic relationship when I was ready to leave. And I never wanted to reach that point, believe me. My friends constantly discouraged me from continuing but great advice didn't work for me.
I fled because but if I kept seeing the person and or hearing her voice my feelings emerged. Almost immediately. Because one phone call fucked it up royally. I had to go completely no contact. move across town and not give out my number to anyone who knew her and it took six months. I never noticed other women, no matter how attractive they were, until the relationship had ended and it still took some time to get my anger and feelings for her out of the way so I could see other women for what they were not as a comparison with her.

I'm scared I'll never get over him and will forever be haunted by feelings of regret and anger that it didn't work and what could have been. I'm scared of the heartbreak. I've been in long relationships before but left when things started going bad and was stronger. Now I feel like I'm trapped and can't leave