Venting fuck the world, i'll go now, i don't care!

[The Tablet]

i ordered SN today. according to the supplier it should take 4-5 business days, maybe a week at worst. i'm not scared to die, but i AM scared of my mom intercepting the package, my cat going near the stuff, and, of course, being hospitalized.
fun fact, did you know that there's a "dangerous goods" fee when shipping stuff around in canada? because i sure didn't.

i will go into detail about what brought me here again in another post, but for now, i leave you with these lyrics:

draw back in silence to dwell in anxiety
no matter where i am, i'm alone!
i'm crying out loud, these tears of blood i bleed
so fuck the world
i'll go now
i don't care!

(who cares...)

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Good that you got what you need!

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

That is tragic and unfortunate indeed.

I, too, thought a while back that I have finally a reason to life again.
And then it was shattered around the floor like a porcelain vase.

 

[The Tablet]

That is tragic and unfortunate indeed.

I, too, thought a while back that I have finally a reason to life again.
And then it was shattered around the floor like a porcelain vase.

i'm so sorry, i really do hope you find peace after a betrayal like that. what method (if any) have you got your eyes on?

 

[wondering&wandering]

suffice it to say i'm fucking DONE with life. fucking DONE being betrayed and lied to and ignored. being promised that "this time's different" when really, it's just the same old shit, but worse.

I'm sorry to hear you're in pain. It hurts when people brush you off like you're insignificant, especially if it's someone who says they care about you. To keep sane and cope, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I understand your pain too well.

If it means anything, feel free to PM me. No one deserves to feel alone. You included. Whatever happens, I hope you find peace and that your cat ends up okay and cared for!

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

i'm so sorry, i really do hope you find peace after a betrayal like that. what method (if any) have you got your eyes on?

I either to do partial hanging or use a tourniquet to tie my blood off around the neck.

I find this tourniquet method underrated and could be very lethal but needs more investigation:

Experiment tourniquet with myself

I was doing experiments with myself using tourniquet method. It would be an "under-research" option which is so cheap and easy. There are salvament tourniquet in the internet to buy them which could be usefull. Anyways this is a "risky method" bc we have a poor data about it This method would...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[wondering&wandering]

I, too, thought a while back that I have finally a reason to life again.
And then it was shattered around the floor like a porcelain vase.

I'm sorry you feel this way, too. Trust and relationships are truly delicate like a vase.

If you happen to want to vent about it feel free to PM me. Regardless, I hope you find peace!

 

[The Tablet]

I'm sorry to hear you're in pain. It hurts when people brush you off like you're insignificant, especially if it's someone who says they care about you. To keep sane and cope, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I understand your pain too well.

If it means anything, feel free to PM me. No one deserves to feel alone. You included. Whatever happens, I hope you find peace and that your cat ends up okay and cared for!

he ghosted me for 2 weeks before coming back with a half-assed excuse AFTER i sent one of my other friends to bother him on my behalf. the "benefit of the doubt" point has long since been passed.

about my cat: yeah, i hope so too. sometimes i wonder if she'll grieve me or even notice i'm gone but then i remember cats only have 1 braincell and only care about getting treats xD

 

[wondering&wandering]

he ghosted me for 2 weeks before coming back with a half-assed excuse AFTER i sent one of my other friends to bother him on my behalf. the "benefit of the doubt" point has long since been passed.

Fair enough for sure. I probably overdo it myself. But then again, it helps me cope that I'm not truly alone and abandoned.

about my cat: yeah, i hope so too. sometimes i wonder if she'll grieve me or even notice i'm gone

I'm pretty sure they notice. They might not grieve with the same array of emotions as people can, but I left my cat for a few weeks, and it seemed apparent how much they missed me.

but then i remember cats only have 1 braincell and only care about getting treats xD

Lol, that's true. Treats override all senses, haha.

 

[The Tablet]

if i am the "bad guy" here, and i probably most definitely am, this reinforces the notion that everyone will be better off without me. "just change" they say, like it's fucking that easy

i hope nobody calls a wellness check. i'm only worried because i told a couple people on discord about my plans. sure i could just lie and bullshit my way out of it like last time, but stilllll....

i'm thinking of taking the SN in the stairwell close to my door (i live in a condo) just so i'm not discovered by my mom (nobody uses that stairwell anyways, everyone uses the elevator these days). only con is that i don't get to be comfy in bed while ctb, but that's such a first world problem isn't it xD

what other precautions do you recommend i take to ensure my mom doesn't interfere?
i'm thinking of bricking my mom's phone (i'm a bit tech savvy) and unplugging the landline, but are there any other bases i should cover that i maybe haven't thought of?

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find freedom from all the suffering, best wishes.

 

[The Tablet]

updoot! it's shipping :)