frustration in knowing i won't kill myself

[hopscotch]

i don't have the guts to kill myself, and even if i did, i have these reasons, morally, that make sure i never would. it frustrates me to no end. and that frustration makes me feel even more self-centered that i already do. i know i'll have to go a long many years like this, because i have chosen to do so. martyr complex, i don't know. but god it kills me. i wish i would just die by accident.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

At 45, I can tell you that it won't be fun. Unless you're young and willing enough to make some serious changes.

 

[waterrrrrrrrrbottel]

I'm sorry friend. That acceptance isn't easy. I'm really really REALLY trying not to accept that. If I could ask, what reasons do you have?

 

[hopscotch]

I'm sorry friend. That acceptance isn't easy. I'm really really REALLY trying not to accept that. If I could ask, what reasons do you have?

i don't want to say, because they're very self-hating ideas and i wouldn't want anyone else to use the reasoning i do. they're just the ideology i turn inward towards myself, not towards other people.