Anarchy
Invisible anarchist
- Jul 9, 2018
- 383
I'm stuck in a tiny lodge with my parents and sister for two weeks. We're on holiday. I don't want to be on holiday but here am I. They wouldn't let me stop them from going on holiday, of course. Not allowed to spoil things for everyone else by not going. They can't go without me; I can't look after myself properly.
I dislike my parents. Also, I'm sensitive to noise. It's a lot louder here and there's barely any space. I panicked as soon as we got here. Two weeks forced away from home and there's nothing I can do about it.
Even being sectioned didn't seem so bad once I got here. At least in hospital, I had my own space and barely saw my parents.
My mum saw me panicking and just ignored me to unpack which only made me more anxious, and when I finally told her why I didn't like it, she really nonchalently said that it's just because I'm spoilt because we have a big house. Who calls their kid spoilt so casually?
They wouldn't go abroad because they thought that it wouldn't be worth it if I stopped them from going out to eat, etc and in case I "needed to be sectioned" whilst abroad. But they still went on holiday.
They always seem to have such an abrasive tone of voice - almost always frustrated and entirely uncompassionate.
They get really annoyed that I just stay in, and are quite passive-agressive about it. They get annoyed at me for most things. If I tell them that I'm worried about something, they dismiss it or argue about how illogical it is, so I don't tell them much, and then they get exasperated with me for not speaking. They never apologise. It's never, " Hey, you seem stressed out - what's wrong?", it's, " What is it this time?" as they try to explain to me how illogical my thinking is.
I don't have friends. The isolation is one of the main reasons that I want to die. I've told my mum that this upsets me but she isn't compassionate at all. She just sees it as a problem to be fixed. She frustratedly asks me why I'm isolating myself and why I don't try to meet people. I've tried to talk to her about it before but she makes out that it's just a phase and that I'll get friends in college, despite me being near-mute and only ever having had two friends. And she says that people don't approach me because I give off the wrong vibes. Don't know why she thought it was appropiate to say that.
They just get angry with me for not getting better. But hey, it's okay, because they only get angry because they love me! Such a joke.
It's hard enough to be near them as it is, and now I'm almost always within a few feet of them.
I hate how they do whatever they want and not care about how it affects me, and then claim to love me. It disgusts me. They are downright offensive a lot of the time. In my opinion, anyway.
Also, it's a lot harder to sneak out now. Tiny windows and the lodge is so small that I worry that the noise would definitely wake them. They won't leave me alone except to go to the beach by themselves, but the beach would be the place of method so...
I can't cope with being so close to them and being able to hear them almost all of the time. It's suffocating.
They complain about me not getting better and then they make me feel even more uncomfortable by taking me somewhere where I have less space and peace and privacy. They justify that by saying that I won't stop them from having a holiday.
They get angry because I feel bad, and then they make me feel bad but it's always justifiable to them.
They saw that I wasn't coping at home and I told them that taking me away from home would make me feel worse, but they went ahead and did it and now they expect me make progress and enjoy my holiday?!
They claim to care about me, but they just make me more suicidal. I need someone to vent to and someone to speak respectfully to me and make me feel valid. But they only listen to argue with me, they don't speak respectfully to me and they make it a priority to invalidate my feelings. Say they care, but if they did, they'd be respectful and listen despite disagreeing. But they are more bothered about how they feel, so they never seem to show concern; instead they just feel offense that I've insulted them or whatever.
I don't have the motivation or energy to do anything but lie around. If they cared, they'd be concerned and speak to me respectfully to try to make me feel better. But they try to make me feel bad for them - say that I just have anyone run around after me like skivvies.
They say it's okay for them to shout at me and be annoyed with me because that's how I act towards them.
Make out that their perspective is right and definite. Even if it were, why would they try to impose that perspective on someone who's upset and needs comfort? Make out that they're not bad parents because aren't intentionally offensive, but if you cared about someone and they were offended by your approach to helping them, surely you would take a different approach. Even if it doesn't make sense to that person, because if you care about someone then comforting them when they are sad should be more important than 'being right'.
I hate being around these people.
I dislike my parents. Also, I'm sensitive to noise. It's a lot louder here and there's barely any space. I panicked as soon as we got here. Two weeks forced away from home and there's nothing I can do about it.
Even being sectioned didn't seem so bad once I got here. At least in hospital, I had my own space and barely saw my parents.
My mum saw me panicking and just ignored me to unpack which only made me more anxious, and when I finally told her why I didn't like it, she really nonchalently said that it's just because I'm spoilt because we have a big house. Who calls their kid spoilt so casually?
They wouldn't go abroad because they thought that it wouldn't be worth it if I stopped them from going out to eat, etc and in case I "needed to be sectioned" whilst abroad. But they still went on holiday.
They always seem to have such an abrasive tone of voice - almost always frustrated and entirely uncompassionate.
They get really annoyed that I just stay in, and are quite passive-agressive about it. They get annoyed at me for most things. If I tell them that I'm worried about something, they dismiss it or argue about how illogical it is, so I don't tell them much, and then they get exasperated with me for not speaking. They never apologise. It's never, " Hey, you seem stressed out - what's wrong?", it's, " What is it this time?" as they try to explain to me how illogical my thinking is.
I don't have friends. The isolation is one of the main reasons that I want to die. I've told my mum that this upsets me but she isn't compassionate at all. She just sees it as a problem to be fixed. She frustratedly asks me why I'm isolating myself and why I don't try to meet people. I've tried to talk to her about it before but she makes out that it's just a phase and that I'll get friends in college, despite me being near-mute and only ever having had two friends. And she says that people don't approach me because I give off the wrong vibes. Don't know why she thought it was appropiate to say that.
They just get angry with me for not getting better. But hey, it's okay, because they only get angry because they love me! Such a joke.
It's hard enough to be near them as it is, and now I'm almost always within a few feet of them.
I hate how they do whatever they want and not care about how it affects me, and then claim to love me. It disgusts me. They are downright offensive a lot of the time. In my opinion, anyway.
Also, it's a lot harder to sneak out now. Tiny windows and the lodge is so small that I worry that the noise would definitely wake them. They won't leave me alone except to go to the beach by themselves, but the beach would be the place of method so...
I can't cope with being so close to them and being able to hear them almost all of the time. It's suffocating.
They complain about me not getting better and then they make me feel even more uncomfortable by taking me somewhere where I have less space and peace and privacy. They justify that by saying that I won't stop them from having a holiday.
They get angry because I feel bad, and then they make me feel bad but it's always justifiable to them.
They saw that I wasn't coping at home and I told them that taking me away from home would make me feel worse, but they went ahead and did it and now they expect me make progress and enjoy my holiday?!
They claim to care about me, but they just make me more suicidal. I need someone to vent to and someone to speak respectfully to me and make me feel valid. But they only listen to argue with me, they don't speak respectfully to me and they make it a priority to invalidate my feelings. Say they care, but if they did, they'd be respectful and listen despite disagreeing. But they are more bothered about how they feel, so they never seem to show concern; instead they just feel offense that I've insulted them or whatever.
I don't have the motivation or energy to do anything but lie around. If they cared, they'd be concerned and speak to me respectfully to try to make me feel better. But they try to make me feel bad for them - say that I just have anyone run around after me like skivvies.
They say it's okay for them to shout at me and be annoyed with me because that's how I act towards them.
Make out that their perspective is right and definite. Even if it were, why would they try to impose that perspective on someone who's upset and needs comfort? Make out that they're not bad parents because aren't intentionally offensive, but if you cared about someone and they were offended by your approach to helping them, surely you would take a different approach. Even if it doesn't make sense to that person, because if you care about someone then comforting them when they are sad should be more important than 'being right'.
I hate being around these people.
