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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
Has anyone in recovery lost hope?
I've been lot better , but nights and days like the last couple I've lost hope of making /having a good life, of having good relationships.

I just have inside some pains , regrets, and even unknown thoughts due to the fact that I can not find a clear way to enjoy life under my circumstances.


I see people with bigger larger problemas and they seem to make a decent life, while I think of drinking N as my way out. Luckily I do have expired N, it should be good .. but how many years afters expiration should it be good.

I could try looking for it again, but the law has make it more difficult.

I don't know how am I going to live a good life without hope , I need some hope man.
 
Deleted member 94

Deleted member 94

Wizard
Mar 24, 2018
696
Have it tested. How old is it?.

Sorry I don't have any hope to share with you.
 
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Weather

Weather

Student
Oct 18, 2020
152
I suppose hope is... amorphous and fitful. Sometimes it is there; sometimes it is not. Sometimes you can see it; sometimes you cannot. Very few things are constant, and hope is not one of them. It is trying to figure out how you can continue forward when it is absent, because given enough time, some sort of hope in, or for, something will likely return, even if it's just a wisp. I suppose that's what recovery is -- committing to the wait for hope to return when all hope is lost.

I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope your wait is not too long.
 
Deleted member 94

Deleted member 94

Wizard
Mar 24, 2018
696
All I can say is freedom from duality states hope and despair go hand in hand you should not seek either. It's a school of thought. It teaches you to achieve mental balance.
 
Niftypoint124

Niftypoint124

Student
Nov 7, 2020
117
Some of the ways people talk about "recovery" makes it seem like an end-state or final product, rather than an ebb and flow of shit feeling not-so-hot in our heads. Sometimes I go long periods where ctb isn't top-of-mind... and sometimes it's just a few days (or weeks) before I drop back down into unhappier lines of thinking, or interpretation of my situation.

Recovery is a slog, for sure, but some days up is better than all days down, imo.
 
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Amumu

Amumu

Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
Aug 29, 2020
2,626
Trying to have basic needs fulfilled : healthy food, healthy sleep, healthy sexuality could be an asset, even without hope.
How old is your N btw ?
 
dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
Trying to have basic needs fulfilled : healthy food, healthy sleep, healthy sexuality could be an asset, even without hope.
How old is your N btw ?
I'm fucked up on sleep, I think I'll have to go back to benzos or something. My smartwatch can prove it. Sex too, fucked up, love life too.

Pretty much, summing it all up, today is a turning around night. I went back to thinking "fuck it" I'll drink the N soon OR I will have to .....do something weird or become someone weird.....

By the way my N expired on March this year. So it should be good , it's in my fridge back home, unless my house has been robbed and I don't know.

I now own a shitty house on credit that I might never be able to fully pay or whatever.....

I really enjoyed being fine for 1.5 years on dianabol and testo, my depression feelings have been away for almost 1.5years but LIFE is hard after so many losses in my life , I don't want to be poor.... For starters, girls don't like poor, skinny, tempered guys... and today I had an experience to see that...
 
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Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,159
I switch between recovery and absolute fucking despair from one day to the next. As soon as I decide one way or the other something will happen to negate it. Welcome to the fence, the reason I'm still here, figuratively and metaphorically.
 
dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
I switch between recovery and absolute fucking despair from one day to the next. As soon as I decide one way or the other something will happen to negate it. Welcome to the fence, the reason I'm still here, figuratively and metaphorically.
I sure get it... recovery for me, its away from depression, totally.
despair comes when I see no good future in my life.... (which is just a thought that I believe is real)

man, I've seen you around since long ago.... well at least your avatar, unless someone copied it.

lets wish us both the best and good luck, plus we must remember we need action to make things happen
 
D

Deleted member 19276

Wizard
Jun 28, 2020
682
I understand.
Happens to me constantly, like a limbo rollercoaster.
What I honestly believe is that the brain can get used to suffering so much at one point, the recovery idea quickly gets out of place again and again.
Tossed around like a hot potatoe.

I just truly "hope" you find what you are seeking one way or the other.
Perhaps the recovery, something can be done, worked on to have it's supports dugged in deeper.
I don't have the answers to it, but I would like to think most of us will one day do.
 
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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
I understand.
Happens to me constantly, like a limbo rollercoaster.
What I honestly believe is that the brain can get used to suffering so much at one point, the recovery idea quickly gets out of place again and again.
Tossed around like a hot potatoe.

I just truly "hope" you find what you are seeking one way or the other.
Perhaps the recovery, something can be done, worked on to have it's supports dugged in deeper.
I don't have the answers to it, but I would like to think most of us will one day do.
Well , I have lived the best 1.5 years of my life with testosterone and dianabol..... if I die today, at least I enjoyed the last year and a half. But I want more you know?
Real assertiveness, success (not only money) , the grit to do what I want to do, and LOVE
 
Lotus

Lotus

Experienced
Dec 17, 2019
234
Yes, I can awfully relate. I've been giving recovery a chance, but every time I give something a try I end up failing, get abandoned and basically feeling worse by every day. I really want to give recovery a chance, but I'm losing the hope so fast now that I'm filled up with uncertainty. I have multiple panic attacks daily. I feel stuck in this horrible circle of hell that I'm desperately wanting to get out of. It went so much better earlier this year, so I'm so sad that it's turned out like this.
 
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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
Yes, I can awfully relate. I've been giving recovery a chance, but every time I give something a try I end up failing, get abandoned and basically feeling worse by every day. I really want to give recovery a chance, but I'm losing the hope so fast now that I'm filled up with uncertainty. I have multiple panic attacks daily. I feel stuck in this horrible circle of hell that I'm desperately wanting to get out of. It went so much better earlier this year, so I'm so sad that it's turned out like this.
And what are your daily activities Monday to Friday if I may ask? You a man or a woman?
 

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