Story From Anger to Regret

[Kyrok]

I had something of an epiphany today.

From childhood onwards, my dominant emotion was anger.

I was a very sickly child, which led me to resent the healthy. That vibe ostracized me and thus more anger grew from the social rejection.

I took solace in academics, where I excelled. But, anger still seeped into everything, including relationships with professors, leading to a job below my potential.

Now and then, my anger would result in a serious career-damaging mistake, and from 2015-2018, the number of those mistakes significantly increased.

Then, in 2018, I did something incredibly stupid that under other circumstances, could have gotten me fired. If I hadn't built up 20 years of good will from my professional successes, I probably would have lost my job.

But, that mistake finally changed me. I feel like it killed my hopes for anything better and it led to my anger getting replaced by regret and self-condemnation as my dominant emotion.

So, now, rather than my mind drifting to thoughts of the injustices I've suffered, I drift instead to memories of the mistakes I've made.... a long line of them, going back to maybe 5 years old.

That's what occupies my time now. Drifting from one of these memories to the next. Rather than pushing myself to work harder and harder to overcome the circumstances of my life I feel are due to injustice, I now just am going through the motions. My hopes and ambition are gone.

But, on the plus side, I'm now more caring, more generous, more willing to use my time and energy to benefit others. Ironically, my bosses somehow noticed this and promoted me to a directorship, an administrative position where I'm in charge of a new program at work.

So, the Epiphany today is that I've become a better human being as the result of this shift in my dominant emotion from anger to regret. It's humbled me. Made me more generous, more likeable even.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Hello. It seems it was a somewhat of a "good" thing that happened.

I don't say exactly good because I know a little about the feeling of regret and it's really not a good feeling.

I never felt really angry ( Of course I did ), but it wasn't a dominant feeling. Yet, I felt wronged, I still do, actually. I try to see things differently today even though it's hard and it leads me to sadness very often.
I wanted to be understood, not conformed to the fact that I might never be.


Anyway, it's good that you got a good position in your job. I hope the payment is good and brings you new opportunities.
And, of course, I hope this feeling of regret don't lead you to sadness.

Maybe it's a new beginning and it might brings you a lot of good things.

I wish you the best.

 

[timf]

Anger might be seen as the emotional equivalent of bleeding. It often results from a conflict between what we expect and reality.

Having a more clear view of reality might be called growing in truth. This often leads to regret. However, it also opens the door to a new world of humility, kindness, compassion, and even love.