From 1 to 10: how fucked up are you?

[tothemoon]

Yeah

I've had akathisia for 7 months now from antidepressants and it really is hell. Worst thing I've ever experienced, and I've been molested, raped twice (almost three times but was able to fight one off), beaten into unconsciousness, watched someone be viciously killed. Christmas of 2018, I lost my mom to cancer. In the past year alone, I lost a relationship, a good job and health insurance, my home, went into debt. I had to move in with my father at the age of 33 hundreds of miles away from anyone I know. I've suffered from severe anxiety and depression for a decade now, drug abuse to self medicate, rheumatoid arthritis, migraines, partial seizures, sleep disorders, endometriosis and I still feel like I can't say 10. I think, well yeah this is hell for me, but I'm not living in a war zone or prison, family being murdered, have something super serious mentally like schizophrenia, not disfigured or completely disabled and so on, so I should be able to suck it up. I feel like a baby complaining when others may have it worse than me. This is mainly why very few people even know I'm miserable right now. I always put on a happy face around everyone. I could be laughing and joking around, all while thinking of killing myself.

Akathisia really is physical and mental torture, though.

Pm me if you want to talk. I feel ya on a lot of those things. Do you currently have akathisia? I took ADs for 10 years (did nothing) and now take no meds. And I never will again if the choice is mine. Only way is if I'm forced to by court order.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Yeah

Pm me if you want to talk. I feel ya on a lot of those things. Do you currently have akathisia? I took ADs for 10 years (did nothing) and now take no meds. And I never will again if the choice is mine. Only way is if I'm forced to by court order.

Yeah, still have it. I was only on the antidepressants for four months and developed the aka while on it. I went three years without taking any kind of drugs unless you include coffee, after heavily abusing drugs. After three years of exercising everyday, eating super healthy, the whole thing, I still had severe anxiety and depression and when my mom got sick, I started using phenibut. I never got addicted to it or anything but then I stopped using it and later switched to antidepressants, which turned out to be the worst mistake of my life and the reason I lost my job and home. I started using the phenibut again after three months into the aka, which is when I also attempted by partial hanging four times but obviously failed. I have since switched mostly to kratom, and haven't taken any phenibut in a little under a month and have been using that for about a month. It helps tremendously with the aka. Since I plan to ctb, I don't care much about any dependence and just want to remain as comfortable as possible in my last months. I'm trying to wait until this virus is over so I don't have to do it here where my father will find me. I may not be able to make it, but I am trying.

 

[mediocre]

150

 

[terry_a_davis]

I'd say my life rating of fucked up'ness is an 8 but my mental state of coping with it is a 6. Something going on with my sleep though, it's 5am here just woke up again and cant sleep its becoming a pattern recently.

 

[tothemoon]

Yeah, still have it. I was only on the antidepressants for four months and developed the aka while on it. I went three years without taking any kind of drugs unless you include coffee, after heavily abusing drugs. After three years of exercising everyday, eating super healthy, the whole thing, I still had severe anxiety and depression and when my mom got sick, I started using phenibut. I never got addicted to it or anything but then I stopped using it and later switched to antidepressants, which turned out to be the worst mistake of my life and the reason I lost my job and home. I started using the phenibut again after three months into the aka, which is when I also attempted by partial hanging four times but obviously failed. I have since switched mostly to kratom, and haven't taken any phenibut in a little under a month and have been using that for about a month. It helps tremendously with the aka. Since I plan to ctb, I don't care much about any dependence and just want to remain as comfortable as possible in my last months. I'm trying to wait until this virus is over so I don't have to do it here where my father will find me. I may not be able to make it, but I am trying.

It helps tremendously with the aka. Thank goodness. im glad youve at least found relief from that.

 

[oneofthoseyoudontwan]

10

 

[Broken Chimera]

Right now, 7. I've been a 10 before and it was a literal hell.

I've had akathisia for 7 months now from antidepressants and it really is hell. Worst thing I've ever experienced, and I've been molested, raped twice (almost three times but was able to fight one off), beaten into unconsciousness, watched someone be viciously killed. Christmas of 2018, I lost my mom to cancer. In the past year alone, I lost a relationship, a good job and health insurance, my home, went into debt. I had to move in with my father at the age of 33 hundreds of miles away from anyone I know. I've suffered from severe anxiety and depression for a decade now, drug abuse to self medicate, rheumatoid arthritis, migraines, partial seizures, sleep disorders, endometriosis and I still feel like I can't say 10. I think, well yeah this is hell for me, but I'm not living in a war zone or prison, family being murdered, have something super serious mentally like schizophrenia, not disfigured or completely disabled and so on, so I should be able to suck it up. I feel like a baby complaining when others may have it worse than me. This is mainly why very few people even know I'm miserable right now. I always put on a happy face around everyone. I could be laughing and joking around, all while thinking of killing myself.

Akathisia really is physical and mental torture, though.

I don't even have have words. I'm sorry you went through that.

 

[DyslexicForeigner]

11

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

 

[laiduponit]

Right now I feel like it is an 8/9
On days where I don't have the constant thoughts, maybe a 6

 

[Maxximilian]

7-8

 

[InTheAirTonight]

I'm a solid 5 on the fucked up scale. I find most normal people more fucked up. I just wanna end this soon.

 

[Emily123]

7

 

[Busdriver]

10 all the way. This should end now. Life is too boring and too hard. Living for at least 50 years is a severe punishment

 

[I screwed up]

I m at 8 but steadily declining to 9 ...

 

[Serenity]

Probably 7 or 8, at least in society's eyes.

 

[StillWaiting]

10. I don't have anything to live for. No interest in anything

 

[Rockman]

10.

 

[calendulo]

Today is a gloomy day....5,5 maybe 6.
Tomorrow, still I do not know it.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

My head sits at a solid 7

 

[MissKatrina]

It varies a lot. Plus the more you grow up and the more experiences you have the line seems to stretch out even further. What was 10 on the scale for 6 year old me would be a 2 right now.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I don't know.. I am constantly want to die, want the pain stop. My breathing is like I am physically hurting.

 

[Woodnote]

About a 7..

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Maybe 5. Sometimes 10. I feel like I'm a tightrope walker

 

[avoid_slow_death]

7 or 8. Paranoid regularly. Been suicidal and depressed for over 30 years and right now my life is completely fucked up and I don't even know what will happen next month. Ready to go.

 

[Epsilon0]

If you meet me at work or in other social contexts, I am a 1. If you meet me in the dark alley of my mind, I am a 10.

 

[RottenDeer]

I would say I am a 6.

 

[Ijustwantpeace]

From an outsiders perspective? 1

Id say Im a solid 7.5 though.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

6 or 7

 

[DoodleBug]

8, but on a speedway to a solid 9

 

[bpdandme]

9