Friends

[DepressionsAHo]

You know I like to bull shit a lot but I really wish people liked me. I wish they didn't grow tired of me after a few months. I wish I got invited to places, parties, road trips. I want someone to genuinely be my friend, go to the bar with me, come over and hang out. I wish people texted me and called me and I wasn't just stuck going to two places only. Im a Lyft driver and I had these kids with me who all went camping together as friends. I go to the bar and I see huge groups of people hanging out, laughing and smiling and I just get so jealous. I'm the only one like this in my family. When I was younger I used to get so excited cause I thought someone was talking to me until I realized they were only here for my brother. I even had people sneak into my house go up the stairs to where my brother was, go get him, and leave me at the house. Everybody loves my siblings. Why can't I be like them?

 

[Redt2go]

You know I like to bull shit a lot but I really wish people liked me. I wish they didn't grow tired of me after a few months. I wish I got invited to places, parties, road trips. I want someone to genuinely be my friend, go to the bar with me, come over and hang out. I wish people texted me and called me and I wasn't just stuck going to two places only. Im a Lyft driver and I had these kids with me who all went camping together as friends. I go to the bar and I see huge groups of people hanging out, laughing and smiling and I just get so jealous. I'm the only one like this in my family. When I was younger I used to get so excited cause I thought someone was talking to me until I realized they were only here for my brother. I even had people sneak into my house go up the stairs to where my brother was, go get him, and leave me at the house. Everybody loves my siblings. Why can't I be like them?

 

[Cookiedough8956]

That sounds like my life : /. (except for the sibling part) Sorry to hear : (

 

[Dead_Inside]

What happens to the friendships you make? You said they only last a short time?
I have found that most of these people have lots of "friends" but not what you are probably thinking of when you say friend- honestly not what any of us refer to when we say friend..... because we mean FRIEND the kind who will cry for months when you die, the one who would be there for you in a second if anything went wrong, the kind who can feel your pain and your happiness and the kind who you can and do trust with anything....these other people have, you know, friends. Like they do fun shit and get drunk and it's cool cuz you like the same shit- but then when the times get hard or you can't come out and play ....they kind of stop talking to you, then just say some bad shit or ghost you .....

 

[DepressionsAHo]

What happens to the friendships you make? You said they only last a short time?
I have found that most of these people have lots of "friends" but not what you are probably thinking of when you say friend- honestly not what any of us refer to when we say friend..... because we mean FRIEND the kind who will cry for months when you die, the one who would be there for you in a second if anything went wrong, the kind who can feel your pain and your happiness and the kind who you can and do trust with anything....these other people have, you know, friends. Like they do fun shit and get drunk and it's cool cuz you like the same shit- but then when the times get hard or you can't come out and play ....they kind of stop talking to you, then just say some bad shit or ghost you .....

I don't know. People just stop talking to me and it's after approximately 4months

 

[Exile]

One thing I've been told is that I come off as "intense" and overwhelming. It's no good when you expect too much from one person. They have their own stuff to deal with. And a lot of people don't have it in them to give what we feel we need from them. And never chase after anyone. If they don't respond after an attempt at contact or two, accept it.

Also, always have integrity and respect others.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

One thing I've been told is that I come off as "intense" and overwhelming. It's no good when you expect too much from one person. They have their own stuff to deal with. And a lot of people don't have it in them to give what we feel we need from them. And never chase after anyone. If they don't respond after an attempt at contact or two, accept it.

Also, always have integrity and respect others.

E

One thing I've been told is that I come off as "intense" and overwhelming. It's no good when you expect too much from one person. They have their own stuff to deal with. And a lot of people don't have it in them to give what we feel we need from them. And never chase after anyone. If they don't respond after an attempt at contact or two, accept it.

Also, always have integrity and respect others.

I mean... I think it's a light case of autism for me. I make a great first impression it's just longer time periods everybody but two people have left. It's one thing that bothers me a lot more then I let on. I'm envious. I guess it doesn't matter anymore as I'll be dead soon so.

 

[Minudah]

The experimenters said adults aren't supposed to have friends, and they called me a pathetic child for trying to get any. Only children make friends. We all exist for the experimenters' torture experiment. The experimenters are here to hurt us, we exist so they can hurt us, everything is to hurt us. They wake up every day for their 24/7 job and passion of hurting lab rats. They made lab rats so they all know to hurt each other. Everyone knows who I am no matter how they meet me, everyone knows the worst lab rat. I can't trust myself because I'm the dumbest lab rat, I'm lonely but it's childish. It's not safe anywhere and everything is bad

 

[DepressionsAHo]

The experimenters said adults aren't supposed to have friends and they called me a pathetic child for trying to get any. Only children make friends. We all exist for the experimenters' torture experiment. The experimenters are here to hurt us, we exist so they can hurt us, everything is to hurt us. They wake up every day for their 24/7 job and passion of hurting lab rats. They made lab rats so they all know to hurt each other. Everyone knows who I am no matter how they meet me, everyone knows the worst lab rat. I can't trust myself because I'm the dumbest lab rat, I'm lonely but it's childish. It's not safe anywhere and everything is bad

... What?

 

[Minudah]

... What?

What?

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Why can't I be like them?

Yes, yes, and yes. :/

 

[Grey-zone]

What?

I second Depression's initial 'what?'
What?

As a homeschooled failure-to-launcher I am all too familiar with the long-term absence of friends. Until recently I wasn't quite aware of this, but about 2 years or so ago I realized, "Holy shit, I've been lonely these past 15 years!" Went to college for many years, but never made any long-term friends there either. I don't know about you, but to me it's almost a sense of being cut off from the human current of socialization by one's past, personality, and inner pain and uncertainty. A weirder thing is that once you've been alone for so long, even as bored as you are, it's the boredom you know, the default your mind wants to stick with despite hating it. Having to meet people triggers either anxiety, resentment, or boredom, even as I wish I could be that fun, easy-going man and let go of all these fucking hang-ups. Hasn't happened yet.

 

[Minudah]

I second Depression's initial 'what?'
What?

That doesn't answer my question... What's the of the?

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I second Depression's initial 'what?'
What?

As a homeschooled failure-to-launcher I am all too familiar with the long-term absence of friends. Until recently I wasn't quite aware of this, but about 2 years or so ago I realized, "Holy shit, I've been lonely these past 15 years!" Went to college for many years, but never made any long-term friends there either. I don't know about you, but to me it's almost a sense of being cut off from the human current of socialization by one's past, personality, and inner pain and uncertainty. A weirder thing is that once you've been alone for so long, even as bored as you are, it's the boredom you know, the default your mind wants to stick with despite hating it. Having to meet people triggers either anxiety, resentment, or boredom, even as I wish I could be that fun, easy-going man and let go of all these fucking hang-ups. Hasn't happened yet.

It's always been there. I've noticed it but I've always tried to brush it off. I don't know what I do. My mom supposesdly struggles with the same thing but when I called her out on it, she said she switches up her personality and that's why she gets invited places. I can't even use my abuse as a fall back because my mom had it the worst of us. Everyone in my family has went through some brutal shit apart from my brother. Both my sister and him are the two most popular and outgoing people I know and I don't know how to be like that but fuck I wish I did.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

It's tough to make real friends. To meet genuine, authentic people. I have something in me that has always drawn me to nasty people; it's like if I got a kick out of that. Pure masochism. As a result, I've ended up alone. Now I have to be extra careful when going out, but it's tiresome. Sometimes it feels better to be alone. I still haven't given up though... I don't know.

 

[JustAboutDone]

It's tough to make real friends. To meet genuine, authentic people. I have something in me that has always drawn me to nasty people; it's like if I got a kick out of that. Pure masochism. As a result, I've ended up alone. Now I have to be extra careful when going out, but it's tiresome. Sometimes it feels better to be alone. I still haven't given up though... I don't know.

No, it's other people who are nasty not you. You are decent and nice. I'd like you as one of my neighbours :-) you could pop round with turkey and rice and i will get a bottle of wine!

I think the thing is sometimes we just don't meet enough people (if that makes sense?) so we can filter through those that are less compatible with us and find the ones that make better friends. Idk. It's hard isn't it to meet lots - we need speed dating in every city and town - but for friends!

 

[JustAboutDone]

Yes, yes, and yes. :/

And you would make an excellent friend - you cook awesome food and like rats. Plus you think outside the box. What's not to like?

 

[brighter]

You know I like to bull shit a lot but I really wish people liked me. I wish they didn't grow tired of me after a few months. I wish I got invited to places, parties, road trips. I want someone to genuinely be my friend, go to the bar with me, come over and hang out. I wish people texted me and called me and I wasn't just stuck going to two places only. Im a Lyft driver and I had these kids with me who all went camping together as friends. I go to the bar and I see huge groups of people hanging out, laughing and smiling and I just get so jealous. I'm the only one like this in my family. When I was younger I used to get so excited cause I thought someone was talking to me until I realized they were only here for my brother. I even had people sneak into my house go up the stairs to where my brother was, go get him, and leave me at the house. Everybody loves my siblings. Why can't I be like them?

You don't need to be like them. In fact, you SHOULDN'T be like them. I like you just the way you are and I don't want you to change. You've got a lot of good qualities and you shouldn't have to lose them or change because people aren't perceptive of your kind, true character.
I think you're just around the wrong people who don't understand you and don't have the same interests. Think like this: it would be crazy to think that in this HUGE world, there's no one that will like you. 7.53 billion people as of today. You will (hopefully) meet at least a few friends. You've already made one. Me :) X

 

[21Neberg]

You know I like to bull shit a lot but I really wish people liked me. I wish they didn't grow tired of me after a few months. I wish I got invited to places, parties, road trips. I want someone to genuinely be my friend, go to the bar with me, come over and hang out. I wish people texted me and called me and I wasn't just stuck going to two places only. Im a Lyft driver and I had these kids with me who all went camping together as friends. I go to the bar and I see huge groups of people hanging out, laughing and smiling and I just get so jealous. I'm the only one like this in my family. When I was younger I used to get so excited cause I thought someone was talking to me until I realized they were only here for my brother. I even had people sneak into my house go up the stairs to where my brother was, go get him, and leave me at the house. Everybody loves my siblings. Why can't I be like them?

God I can feel the pain through your words. Loneliness is truly horrible. Don't compare yourself so much to your siblings though - just because you've not got his friends does not mean that you're worth any less than him. You're still a beautiful person yourself. I hope you find a friend soon.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

You are decent and nice. I'd like you as one of my neighbours :-

That's a very kind thing to say. I'd like you as one of my neighbours too :)
Yeah, life is complicated when you live with some sort of traumas...

 

[JustAboutDone]

@Exile do you think some people are shallow perhaps and just want "low key" "just for now" friends rather than proper decent friends and that makes you feel like you are intense when actually being deep thoughted and sincere and for always are actually qualities in my book

 

[Exile]

@Exile do you think some people are shallow perhaps and just want "low key" "just for now" friends rather than proper decent friends and that makes you feel like you are intense when actually being deep thoughted and sincere and for always are actually qualities in my book

Of course, many people are like that. I think the main issues are emotional capacity and availability. A lot of people won't let anyone in, for a variety of reasons. If you stand in front of them and threaten to take down their emotional armour (even if you don't see it and/or intend no harm), they can't deal with it. And the more insightful your comments are about them, the greater the potential for them to be scared away.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

You don't need to be like them. In fact, you SHOULDN'T be like them. I like you just the way you are and I don't want you to change. You've got a lot of good qualities and you shouldn't have to lose them or change because people aren't perceptive of your kind, true character.
I think you're just around the wrong people who don't understand you and don't have the same interests. Think like this: it would be crazy to think that in this HUGE world, there's no one that will like you. 7.53 billion people as of today. You will (hopefully) meet at least a few friends. You've already made one. Me :) X

I have two. In my whole life. I'm 21 now so personally, I think the problems me. There's something I do that makes people not like me I just don't know what it is. Thank you haha. I appreciate it.

 

[brighter]

I have two. In my whole life. I'm 21 now so personally, I think the problems me. There's something I do that makes people not like me I just don't know what it is. Thank you haha. I appreciate it.

You're welcome, my dear, you know that here, on SS, you've got a community of support so of course reach out to almost anyone and you won't be turned away :)

 

[JustAboutDone]

I have two. In my whole life. I'm 21 now so personally, I think the problems me. There's something I do that makes people not like me I just don't know what it is. Thank you haha. I appreciate it. And geez. I didn't realize I had this many comments

:-) I don't think I had any real friends until I was 23! I "knew" people before then but mostly they were fairly unkind - if we went out it was so I could pay then they would lose me somewhere! So I spent time just doing things I liked and liking me and became more resilient to the shallow people who just wanted something from me and learned to discern who they were and discourage them, very politely, from the off that I was not a 'just for now girl' and now I guess I'm lucky to have people who like me for me and I like them for them.

 

[brighter]

:-) I don't think I had any real friends until I was 23! I "knew" people before then but mostly they were fairly unkind - if we went out it was so I could pay then they would lose me somewhere! So I spent time just doing things I liked and liking me and became more resilient to the shallow people who just wanted something from me and learned to discern who they were and discourage them, very politely, from the off that I was not a 'just for now girl' and now I guess I'm lucky to have people who like me for me and I like them for them.

Pearls of wisdom. And I am a very lucky girl to be receiving them at 17 years old. You're in good hands @DepressionsAHo :)

 

[DepressionsAHo]

God I can feel the pain through your words. Loneliness is truly horrible. Don't compare yourself so much to your siblings though - just because you've not got his friends does not mean that you're worth any less than him. You're still a beautiful person yourself. I hope you find a friend soon.

Thank you love
And yes, I know I shouldn't compare it's just sometimes it gets to me. As I said I like to front sometimes but when you've had people walk by your house to go to your neighbors to invite them and skip you, it hurts. I wish It didn't get to me but. Well, I'm a human being and I have feelings as much as I pretend I don't :/

 

[Sundayafternoon]

You know I like to bull shit a lot but I really wish people liked me. I wish they didn't grow tired of me after a few months. I wish I got invited to places, parties, road trips. I want someone to genuinely be my friend, go to the bar with me, come over and hang out. I wish people texted me and called me and I wasn't just stuck going to two places only. Im a Lyft driver and I had these kids with me who all went camping together as friends. I go to the bar and I see huge groups of people hanging out, laughing and smiling and I just get so jealous. I'm the only one like this in my family. When I was younger I used to get so excited cause I thought someone was talking to me until I realized they were only here for my brother. I even had people sneak into my house go up the stairs to where my brother was, go get him, and leave me at the house. Everybody loves my siblings. Why can't I be like them?

In highschool I didn't have very many friends. One day an old elementary friend and her new bestie stopped by. I was light weight excited. They thought about me. Then they started to giggle and ask where my cousin was. They came to flirt with him. No damns given about me.

I know the feeling. You're no worse than anyone else. And those d-bags are no better.
I hate you went through or are still going through that but F'em.

 

[Sundayafternoon]

I have two. In my whole life. I'm 21 now so personally, I think the problems me. There's something I do that makes people not like me I just don't know what it is. Thank you haha. I appreciate it.

You might be too real for some people's taste. People like fantasy.

 

[JustAboutDone]

You might be too real for some people's taste. People like fantasy.

Real question: do you think with Facebook, social media etc people have different expectations of "friendship" ? As if it has to be "instagrammable" for some people or just on both @Sundayafternoon and @Exile said a certain level that's not too deep ?

Am curious